I remember when I was four more than any year. Maybe there were memories when I was three or less, but who knows. I wasn't five because my BB gun came at five and that was a big thing. Life changed with a BB gun, you had to be responsible.

I remember the balsa airplane used in the front yard. Set the wings one way and get loop the loops. Set it another and it would soar high and come lower and make dips until it gently landed on the grass.

I remember playing in the irrigation ditches in front yards by the street, sailing my boat, hour after hour.

...remember the cats roaming the acreage in backs of houses. They were all wild and watched me closely, ready to run. I sneaked up on one once and ran my hand down its back. It jumped in the air making an awful sound. They were all white for some reason.

...the time I spent was alone, day after day, always alone. The property of each home was huge and other kids too far away. It didn't matter. I had my two friends, Gigope and Bangor. Little did I know, or care, that they were imaginary.

...remember the day I saw my first violence. The man next door beat his wife. Our landlord grabbed a pitchfork and went after him. I was in the yard and my mother ran over and grabbed me. I had no idea what was going on. They explained it later.

I remember my first dog. It really wasn't mine, it just felt like it, she just appeared. She was with me all summer. I don't even know if she had an owner. One day the landlord carried my dog across the railroad spur in back of the property, but wouldn't let me go. So I watched from a distance as he dug a hole and put the dog in it. I didn't understand, so the next chance to be alone I dug her up. The odor was awful and there were worms. I covered her quickly and ran...and cried. I loved that dog and noticed I never saw her again.

....remember going to my two uncle's ranches. One had a pond and large pictures of airplanes under the bed. The other had a turkey that chased me. When he came after me, I'd jump on the corral fence and try to kick it in the head.

....remember my first curse word. I screamed "shit" because my tricycle was stuck in gravel. My mother was sitting in the yard with my grandparents whom we lived with. There were other people too, so I guess action was necessary. She got a switch off a tree and commenced to flog my butt. Then she put me to bed. It all happened so quickly. And what the hell was a "bad word" after all?

I remember helping the landlord irrigate the acreage in the back where we lived. He would start the pump and water the whole area, walking around directing the water to different areas. He bragged to my mother what a "big help" I was. I couldn't understand what I did to help, but he'd always give me a half dollar for it. You could really buy some shit for a half dollar back then.

...remember laying in the floor of the apartment listening to the radio and the kiddie programs. Really neat stuff, lots of magic. I never saw magic when I played, but the world had magic. My grandmother would sweep the carpet while I lay there stirring up dust that lingered in the air, moving through the sunlight coming from the open door. I would look at her and wonder why she liked to stir up dust.

I remember my grandfather's pigeons. Honest, he was renowned for breeding Puffers and Homing pigeons. People wrote him from all over the world. My grandmother made a quilt once out of only blue ribbons he had won. My grandfather wasn't supposed to drink, but he kept a bottle by his pigeon house and would hide behind it sipping the firewater. So I would take my coke and hide behind trees sipping it like him. The women knew what he was doing and watched for me to sip my firewater. They got a great laugh out of that. I didn't know I was a comedian until much later.

I could go on and on. Four is a wonderful year. Everything in life is new.

Then I started growing up. Started understanding the English language and through that and school, learned there was a different world out there. I could no longer just pull my pants down and pee where I stood. And there was no magic.

If I forget everything else, I'll always remember four...

and that dog, I still love that dog and don't know why. She didn't even have a name.