So I made my resolve to speak more and write more, and I sorta failed at that task. I wrote a really long post, and got a lot of great responses to it, but then I clammed up again. I have no idea what's wrong with me. I think I just have trouble getting myself motivated to talk because I just assume that whatever it is I have to say is unimportant. But I have to stop thinking that way since I know everyone tells me it's not true, right?
Anyway, with the absence of anything deep and meaningful to jabber about, I thought maybe I'd eat least share a bit of news about the baby that I'm so scared I'm gonna screw up at parenting. We picked a name for him awhile back and I said I was gonna share it here, but I never did. So I guess that's a good place to start huh?
We've decided to name him Joshua Xander. I was really rooting for Xander as the first name, but Nat wasn't so in love with it like I was. But by naming him this he actually has some really cool intitals, so I think that this was the name he was supposed to have.
And in other baby news, we had one of those 3D ultrasounds done last week, and we actually got to see his face! Isn't that wild? He's still inside her and yet we got a perfect glimpse of what his tiny little face looks like. And the rest of him too. He's definitely a boy!! But it was also really cool to watch him moving around and reacting to the pressure of the sonogram thingy. He didn't like it. When the technician would press down on her stomach, he would flinch away from it or turn his head as if to say, "wtf is this thing poking me?"
It was so cute. I'm so in love already and he's not even born yet. We also got to watch him stretching his legs, which Nat felt perfectly when it happened. It was very cool to be able to watch him move and then have her say, "yup, I felt that!"
I also got the exciting pleasure of being able to feel him move for the first time the other night too. We were lying on the couch listening to music. Bon Jovi, Living on a Prayer, to be exact. And Joshy apparently either loved that song or hated it, because he started going nuts in there. He was kicking and/or punching her the entire time, so I put my hands on her stomach and I could actually feel it! Very weird, yet very cool at the same time.
I think we'll play the song again and see if he reacts the same way. Apparently he's also very active when Nat is driving or riding in the car. He either has an issue with the movement, the music on the radio, or he doesn't like the seatbelt squishing him. All of the above maybe?
Things are just getting really exciting now because it all seems very real. I'm terrified still and I seriously know nothing about babies except what I've been reading in books and online. But some part of me feels like I'm just gonna know what to do. That might be a delusion though. I might end up calling my mom or Jack at 3am every night asking, "omg wtf do I do now??" That's very possible. But I guess everyone wings it for the first time because no one ever knows what to do exactly....right? Please tell me I'm right...
Anyhow, that's about all the news I have for the moment about that. Nat is 25 weeks along today, so just over 6 months. I can't believe how fast the time has gone. It'll be June before I know it. And then I'll be 30 years old AND a daddy. Wow. How did my life change so fast??
I guess I'll figure it all out when the time comes. But for now I'm feeling a mixture of excitement and terror, anticipation and dread...but most of all, I just feel love for this little person I haven't met yet. I hope the feeling will be mutual....
