• silverwhisper said on Aug 29, 2006....

  [sigh]
  
  is your husband normally obtuse when you hint at things? b/c i'm thinking that maybe something more direct might have served you better. we men can be frighteningly obtuse at times, after all.
  
  ed
  

• maemae said on Aug 29, 2006....

  Sounds like you and I have the same problem half the time. Unfortunately, many times it happens when we are at home and I am wearing a neglige.
  
  like a brick wall...
  

• satyr said on Aug 29, 2006....

  I probably would have done the same thing as your hubby, CW, but I would have because I would have thought,"Nah, couldn't be." I'm still trying to figure out how we misjudge our mates so badly at times.
  

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 29, 2006....

  Ed and satyr
  
  I haven't tried to blatantly seduce my husband in a long time. Mainly, because of the rejection. It hurts too much. He always has some project he thinks he needs to be doing.
  
  maemae,
  
  I think you understand where I'm coming from. The brick wall is no fun.
  
  CW
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 29, 2006....

  sorry, CW: you've told me this and i have such difficulty understanding it...[sigh]
  
  would you at least like a helmet for that brick wall?
  
  ed
  

• lioneljay said on Aug 29, 2006....

  CW, at least you're still trying.
  

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 29, 2006....

  ed,
  
  A helmet sounds like a good idea. :-)
  
  I think perhaps digging a tunnel for my escape is a better solution.
  
  CW
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 29, 2006....

  i have a sneaking suspicion, CW, that the front door is ajar.
  
  ed
  

• Zayda said on Aug 29, 2006....

  Well, CW, if it makes you feel any better whatsoever, at least you weren't rejected after planting your bare ass in your husband's lap when you crawled into bed beside him.
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 29, 2006....

  that is not be the reaction of a healthy man.
  
  ed
  

• Zayda said on Aug 29, 2006....

  [picks silver's jaw up off the floor]
  
  why do you think i'm in a mood today?
  

• GrapeKoolaid said on Aug 29, 2006....

  Unbelievable....
  
  All my lady has to do is bat her eyes a few times and I'm down to my skivvys ready to go.
  
  Perhaps you should share your disappointment with your s/o in terms of hotdogs thawing in the sink, or TV dinners.
  

• secretlife said on Aug 29, 2006....

  Ah CW, if I didn't already post a tear-jerker today, I'd let you in on another 'date night' which didn't go quite so well as the one I told everyone about.
  Another time-
  
  Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn't.
  
  Rejection sucks.
  Rejection HURTS!!!!!
  
  I think you should still dress up and do your hair for you though. Because it makes YOU feel good. If your hubby isn't going to appreciate it, I assure you some other man you pass on the street or in a restaurant will, and it will be an ego boost for you and maybe an eye-opener for him.
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 29, 2006....

  ladies, on behalf of thinking husbands everywhere, i apologize.
  
  ed
  

• Zayda said on Aug 29, 2006....

  silver, haven't we had this talk about you, and me for that matter, not apologizing for things for which you are not to blame or which are beyond your control?
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 29, 2006....

  quit interjecting logic into things, damn it! :p
  
  ed
  

• Zayda said on Aug 29, 2006....

  awww..but i thought that's why j00 loved me so...my logic....
  
  [cries]
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 29, 2006....

  [blinks]
  
  logic? when did you go and demonstrate that?!
  
  :D
  
  ed
  

• Zayda said on Aug 29, 2006....

  well...damn..you got me there....i am a woman. ;p
  
  and to get this back on track, you, dear ed, are not a doofus. my husband was last night, CW's was today...so there...
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 29, 2006....

  you're scaring me, super z. i was gonna call both of 'em doofuses (doofi?) and i had to scroll back to see if i had or not!
  
  ed
  

• Jenna said on Aug 29, 2006....

  A while back... you asked for a tunnel for an escape...I have a shovel...and I will help dig if you can't get out the front door.
  

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 29, 2006....

  Zayda,
  
  I'm sorry your guy was insensitive.
  
  Jenna,
  
  Maybe you can toss me a lantern when I start digging.
  
  Secret,
  
  I have started dressing nice, etc. everyday. I never go without my lipstick.
  
  Rejection does hurt.
  
  Silver,
  
  You dear man. Thank you.
  
  Grape,
  
  Your lady is a lucky woman.
  
  Lion,
  
  I have been trying. I think my last shot is near.
  
  
  Thank you all.
  
  CW
  

• Zayda said on Aug 29, 2006....

  I'll come help Jenna hold the lantern if need be, hun.
  

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 29, 2006....

  Zayda,
  
  Thank you :-)
  
  cw
  

• schreist said on Aug 30, 2006....

  (internal thought from CW)... Dude, you are worried about the wrong lawn..... sheesh
  

• JadeLondon said on Aug 30, 2006....

  At the risk of sounding like everyone else:
  
  That sucks, CW. I have been rejected a time or two (like that is all), and I know how much it hurts.
  
  But screw him. Just dress up because you'll feel better.
  
  He can suck an egg!
  

• labyrinth said on Aug 30, 2006....

  CW, I'm sorry this happened to you. If my wife does that to me, I will definitely shower her with attention and affection.
  
  But you can always try again next time. Maybe he was just "not in the mood" or errr, more eager to mow the lawn.
  
  Continue dressing up for you (not for him).
  

• Geoff said on Aug 30, 2006....

  Gosh, your husband must be weird not to notice what you were trying to do. And maybe his love for you has flown out of the window, I guess.
  

• CerealArsonist said on Aug 30, 2006....

  What ass-hattery.
  

• quidnunc said on Aug 30, 2006....

  CW, you must have a really beautiful lawn!
  
  kidding aside, i find it thoughtless and insensitive for him to ignore you just like that. he's a jerk.
  

• StrangeOne said on Aug 30, 2006....

  CW - has he always been like this, or is it a relatively new problem? I ask because I used to have this problem on a regular basis with my guy, and it was very painful, but fortunately we solved it. To make a very long story very short, it turned out that after having bad experiences with ex-girlfriends who did not love sex so much, it did not occur to him that I would be into it. He seemed genuinely surprised when he finally realized that I was really into sex! I don't know if anything like this applies in your situation, though...
  

• starlightstarbright said on Aug 30, 2006....

  Creative, it sounds like you've been doing all the right things. My fiance would jump at the opportunity if I offered such a gesture.
  
  Maybe you need to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Actions speak louder than words, but words have a way of clarifying what actions don't.
  
  Hope this helps.
  

• Alyss said on Aug 30, 2006....

  Somewhat belatedly {hugs} for CW. I've been there done that and got that particular T-shirt numerous times and fairly recently too. But it still hurts afresh everytime it happens.
  

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 30, 2006....

  The bottom line is that I could go outside and flash my husband, which I have by the way, and he will just keep working. He loves working that much.
  
  Him putting work and chores before me has always been a problem.
  
  We have talked, talked and talked some more about it. He recently told me that he has no intention of ever changing. He is the way he is.
  
  I don't know why I keep hanging on, but I do. I must be crazy. I do feel myself starting to give up.
  
  CW
  

• satyr said on Aug 30, 2006....

  scalywag and I are in the same boat :-(
  

• satyr said on Aug 30, 2006....

  scalywag and I are in the same boat :-(
  

• maemae said on Aug 30, 2006....

  Zayda & CW
  
  I have had that same damn problem (as I said above). I've even climbed into bed nacked, and placed my mouth in the general area of his penis telling him I really wanted to go down on him and he was "too tired" or "not in the mood".
  
  Wtf?
  
  It's incomprehensible to me. Why are some men like this? I know it isnt because I don't do it well. I'm not trying to say I'm barbarella or anything, but I know my way around the bedroom, and have been told so...even by HIM! So WHAT THE FUCK? I thought MOST men WANTED sex lik 99% of the time!?
  
  It's maddening! MADDENING I tell you!
  
  Sorry CW...I lost my head there for a minute...
  

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 30, 2006....

  maemae,
  
  I feel for you. That rejection at such an intimate moment makes me feel less of a woman than I hoped to be. It hurts very deeply.
  
  Hang in there.
  
  CW
  

• maemae said on Aug 30, 2006....

  One time I broke down just crying because we had a rare night alone, and he just wanted to sit on the computer all night. I broke down and asked him why he didnt want me.
  
  I felt humiliated.
  
  I'm sorry that you are going through this with your HUSBAND of all people. You must feel so trapped.
  

• genuinehater said on Aug 30, 2006....

  Try drugging him with aphrodisiac.
  

• precision said on Aug 30, 2006....

  I wish my wife would do things like that.
  
  My ex-wife used to do that kind of thing all the time... just not for me...sorry, bad flashback for a moment.
  

• Expendable said on Aug 30, 2006....

  You know, a little rope to tie him down to the bed with will get his complete attention.... ;)
  

• genuinehater said on Aug 30, 2006....

  Forget the aphrodisiac, I think some bondage is in order.
  
  Do include a whip.
  

• nothingatall said on Aug 30, 2006....

  CreativeWoman, you make my cock hard. Thanks.
  

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 30, 2006....

  scalywag,
  
  I probably misunderstood you. I'm sorry
  
  genuine and expendable,
  
  I tried feeding my husband oysters once. Zilch. He won't take Viagra. He would never let me tie him up. He is NOT adventurous in the bedroom.
  
  maemae,
  
  You poor dear. I've been there too.
  
  precison,
  
  Sorry about bringing on the flashback.
  
  nothingatall,
  
  well...er...uh...you're welcome
  
  CW
  

• StrangeOne said on Aug 30, 2006....

  It's unfortunate... but it really does seem to be a rare thing when two people in a couple have equivalent sex drives. I've often had this problem in the past (where I'm the one who gets rejected). It seemed insurmountable at the time, but fortunately we were able to work things out. There have to be compromises made, and each person has to fully understand the feelings of the other...
  
  CW, have you been able to determine from him WHY he's this way? Does he have a very low sex drive? Has he always been this way? After all, no matter how much he loves to work, I can't see why he couldn't at least take 15 minutes for a quickie, then get back to work... unless he just has no libido. Have his testosterone levels ever been checked?
  
  maemae:
  
  It's incomprehensible to me. Why are some men like this? I know it isnt because I don't do it well. I'm not trying to say I'm barbarella or anything, but I know my way around the bedroom, and have been told so...even by HIM! So WHAT THE FUCK? I thought MOST men WANTED sex lik 99% of the time!?
  
  One would think that, wouldn't one! I don't think that's the case though. Maybe that's true for 18-year-old guys who have a very hard time getting laid (or 50-year-olds with a midlife crisis) but for most guys, I just have not seen this to be the case. They seem to think about sex a lot, while not always being in the mood. I know I've said similar to my guy when we used to have these problems, and he even appeared offended that I made that generalization about men... :)
  

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 31, 2006....

  My husband is a work-a-holic. That is a major part of our problem.
  
  CW
  

• PragmaticPete said on Nov 18, 2006....

  There are other aspects you may not have considered. It's a sad fact that most men are scared to death of women when it comes to sex. Sex is far more problematic and confusing for most men than it is for women. It's usually pretty hard to trust a woman about the subject, because she'll come on to you big time then turn on a dime for no apparent reason and leave a guy with the bluest balls in the world: every guy has had that happen too many times to count, some women do that sort of thing for sport. It also doesn't help if the woman involved has a history of using sex to get something: new shoes, her way, permission. The moment sex with a particular woman gets associated with future obligations in a man's mind, he becomes wary of proffered sex and wonders what it will cost him this time and if he's willing to pay the price......................................................................................... By the time an guy gets to where he's in a relationship he's been conditioned to ignore most "subtle" sexual displays because he's learned the hard way that: 1. It wasn't for his benefit at all but for the cute guy over there. 2. He's a perv for thinking a woman automatically wants sex just because she looks sexy. 3. She just wants a hug...can't guys just hold a woman without wanting to screw her all the time? Jeez! 4. Whatever he thinks is likely wrong. ........................................................................................ So eventually it comes down to it being too emotionally risky to assume a subtle display means a desire for sex. You ladies have no idea how much rejection an average guy has dealt with over the years. Think of how many different guys you've rejected in the space of one night out dancing and how thoughtlessly cruel some of those rejections were. It's way safer to stick to work unless the signal is completely unmistakeable and clear: women can make life excruciatingly miserable in countless ways if you piss them off, especially about sex..................The bottom line is if you want more sex, then don't make him guess, make it fun, free from conditions or payments, and communicate, clearly, don't assume he'll "get" it with hints.

• CreativeWoman said on Dec 12, 2006....

  Pete,
  Thanks for sharing your perspective.  My thought is though that after 8 years of marriage, my husband should be able to pick up on a few things because he knows me.  I shouldn't have to say, "Let's go have sex."  every time I want it.  Where is the fun or romance in that.  He should take some of the responsibilty for a mutually enjoyable sex life.  Don't you think?
  
  CW
  

• starlightstarbright said on Dec 13, 2006....

  Creativewoman, I agree with you wholeheartedly, and the truth is that if the woman always initiates sex, the man tends to lose interest. Play hard to get, or act like you're not even thinking about sex. For example, act like you're changing your clothes, take your shirt off and begin doing something in another room. I guarantee you, if your husband is anything like my fiance, he will seek you out and be dying to get his hands on you.

• backdoo said on Jan 25, 2007....

  me hand would be sliding up your skirt so fast

• VICARIOUS said on Feb 09, 2007....

  Your husband is a moron. I'm aroused just allowing my imagination to see you and those glossy lips. The short shirt kind of weylaid me too.

• VICARIOUS said on Feb 09, 2007....

  I'd pulled over and had dessert... OH yeah, he's a moron. Lol.

• sensual69 said on Sep 27, 2007....

   

  Here is a thought that maybe most do not think about when it comes to males and females when it comes to sex, our sex hormones get out of wack as we age due to stress, bad diet, over weight.   Most men do not want to go into the doctor and admit that somthing is wrong with their sex drive to another man....that is like saying we are weak. So most men choose to ignore it and their relationship suffers......

   

  In men, mid-life hormone changes usually begin without notice, especially after the age of forty. Unfortunately, the only obvious result may be the gradual assumption of the appearance of “an old man.” Andropause, a condition in which the testosterone level slowly declines with age, also decreases a man’s ability to enjoy sex.  In addition to experiencing a decrease in sexual desire and erectile function, men with a lowered testosterone level may also notice changes in mood and emotions, a decrease in body mass and strength due to loss of muscle tissue, and an increase in body fat. Finally, the worst outcome may be alterations in bone mineral density, a condition called osteoporosis, which can lead to severe bone changes and even to fractures.

  After the age of thirty, a man may lose up to two percent of testicular function each year. We know that twenty to fifty percent of healthy men between the ages of 50 and 70 have lower than normal levels of testosterone. This statistic indicates that up to five percent of all men are at risk for low testosterone states, a staggering number if you think about it.  However, the reported incidence is extremely low, due, at least in part, to the fact that it’s difficult to diagnose a condition that you don’t know about. Until recently, we haven’t known much about low testosterone or testosterone replacement in men. 

  Currently, millions of American women take hormones to reduce the negative effects of low estrogen levels during and after menopause. Only recently, we’ve begun to recognize a similar syndrome in men and have called it “andropause.”  The difference in the way men and women experience this change is that it is a much slower process in men so it is often not as obvious. 

  Thankfully their are ways to help bring your testosterone levels back to normal, here are some suggestions

   

  There may be several non-medication methods to increase your testosterone level, especially if some less-than-healthy lifestyle habits are part of your routine. Here are some suggestions that you might want to try before deciding to use testosterone supplements:

  • Increase the amount of exercise in your daily routine.
  • Decrease use of or give up alcohol entirely, especially beer.
  • Lower your stress level through meditation or yoga.
  • Try to limit meals with meat or poultry to one or two a week.
  • If you wear jockey shorts, switch to boxer-type underwear.

  Give all of these changes a period of at least three months before you decide they are not effective.  If none of them work, then talk with your doctor about moving on to the next step.

  Testosterone Replacement Therapy

  Once the decision has been made to raise testosterone levels with supplements, treatment can consist of various forms of the hormone using a variety of delivery systems: injections, pellets, pills, patches and gels.

  Testosterone for treatment is made in the laboratory from cholesterol and it tends to be more expensive than its female hormone counterparts. When it was first used as oral treatment, doctors discovered that the body absorbed it from the intestine too rapidly and the liver broke it down into components that were not effective. New forms of testosterone were developed that resisted rapid absorption and new delivery methods were devised so that circulation through the liver could be bypassed.

  More Sexuality Blog
  http://moresexuality.blogspot.com/

  
  
  More Sexuality Blog, Energize your Sex Life and Discover your Sexual self

• CreativeWoman said on Sep 28, 2007....

  Thanks for all the tips.  Some we have tried.  Others he won't.  It's becoming a lost cause anyway.
  
  CW
  

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