She had just returned to work from her 3rd maternity leave.
The office hadn't changed in the months she'd been away.
Everyone was busy at their computers, cups of steaming coffee close by.
She walked past the open doors tossing greetings to her old friends -
Stopped at few to show pictures of the latest addition to her family and talk some small talk not related to work.
Eventually she found her way to her own office. Switched on the light and gave a smile to the chaos. Nothing had changed. The whiteboard was covered in flowcharts depicting some new design that her officemate was working on. Technical manuals were piled on the 'visitor' chair.
White Binders were stacked high on the side of her workstation. Those were the 'light' reading she'd have to do to 'catch up'....
She noticed that the district secretary had taken it upon herself to stack her mail neatly on her desk.
She turned on her PC, and while it booted, turned and began to rifle thru it in an attempt to clear some space.
She thought this would be an easy place to begin again.
Most of the mail was junk; outdated newsletters, technical advertisements, a couple of magazines. There were a few invitations to software expos, two Christmas cards from colleagues she'd never met, some building services announcements about the moving of the supply room, and about reserved parking spaces, some organization charts....
And then she came upon the letter.
It was just a plain 4x9 inch white envelope.
There was no return address.
The writing was sloppy, difficult to read, and hauntingly familiar....
The postmark indicated it had been sent over a month before-
She sat staring at it for a full minute before turning it over and carefully opening the seal.
Inside there was a single page of white-lined paper filled with words.
She didn't read it at first.
She turned it over in her hands looking at the signature at the bottom to be sure of what she already knew.
How did he find her?
What could he possibly want to say?
She hadn't seen or heard from him in 15 years....
She felt light-headed.
Without realizing it, one hand had moved to her forehead.
Her heart was racing.
She began to read.
"What if I'd reacted differently to your reaching out to me that day under the bridge?
Would it have changed our fate?
What if I'd told you how I'd always loved your smile and have missed it every single day of my life?
Would you believe me?
What if I'd been brave enough to make love to you as you deserved to be made love to?
If I hadn't been such a coward? If I hadn't been afraid of losing the best friend I had come to rely on?
Would we be together now?
Would I know that lasting kind of love I've searched for and haven't been able to find?
Would it make you happy to know that no one has ever loved me in the way you loved me?
With such purity.
With such single purpose.
With such devotion.
No one has looked at me with your eyes.
I've thought about how a life with you would have been.
How full of happiness.
I've even thought about what our children would have looked like.
With your blonde hair and my blue eyes.
I remember you telling me how you'd imagined little blonde babies in overalls running thru freshly cut grass...
With you there would have been children-
And family.
And joy.
If only I realized then how much you meant to me.
If only I hadn't hurt you.
If only...
She stopped reading.
She was crying and she didn't want anyone passing by to catch her weeping at her desk.
She got up, and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, and shut the door.
When she finished the letter, she folded it up and placed it in the center drawer.
She sat breathing deeply trying to compose her thoughts.
There was a time when she'd wished with her whole being that he'd regret his choice.
For years it had been her mantra....'he will be sorry for what he let pass'.
But that day, knowing the depth of his regret, she wished she'd never had those thoughts.
For in all the time that had passed, she'd never once wondered
what if?
secretlife posted on Aug 29, 2006
| views: 579
Comments
-
silverwhisper said on Aug 29, 2006....
wow.
ed
-
Alyss said on Aug 29, 2006....
< reaches for the box of tissues >
-
Expendable said on Aug 29, 2006....
Very sad and sweet. 3 tissues.
-
satyr said on Aug 29, 2006....
SL - you never cease to amaze me :-*
-
lioneljay said on Aug 29, 2006....
SL, this one rings true - very true. Nice work.
-
allaroundgirl said on Aug 29, 2006....
wow this was great
-
Zayda said on Aug 29, 2006....
sl...wow..just...simply...wow.
-
secretlife said on Aug 29, 2006....
lots of wows....
rings true LJ?
not sure I follow you.
I better get hopping on some sex subject to blog about tonite...I have a reputation to maintain after all!
l
-
labyrinth said on Aug 29, 2006....
Heartwrenching... Great post.
-
momsrock said on Aug 29, 2006....
just another "WOW"...
-
Jenna said on Aug 29, 2006....
a different kind of hurt...once they realize what they let go of...
-
scalywag said on Aug 29, 2006....
SL...that was powerful.
-
CreativeWoman said on Aug 29, 2006....
Heartbreaking....and another wow.
cw
-
hotaka said on Aug 29, 2006....
Another example of excellent literature produced by a member of SoulCast. Who says we can't strut our stuff. Some people here, i.e. secretlife, have stuff to strut. Beautiful work. Great imagery in the office. Loved the woman's reaction. Overall a ten!
-
secretlife said on Aug 29, 2006....
thanks you all for reading this; i'm glad you liked it.
gosh hotaka, i don't know what to say....thank you-
-
JadeLondon said on Aug 30, 2006....
Such a beautiful rendition of the 'path not taken'.
You are very talented. Your gift is something that should NOT remain a secret.
Seriously.
-
quidnunc said on Aug 30, 2006....
awesome... a story that touches the deepest recesses of anyone's heart...
-
WhyChromosome said on Aug 30, 2006....
Secretlife, you write better than most of the published authors I know. You are very, very special and there are millions who would love to read your words.
Whyc*
-
Heartwalker said on Aug 30, 2006....
absolutely fantastic...marvellous and so touching
-
secretlife said on Aug 30, 2006....
I just want to let you all know it really means alot to me to read these comments.
You've made my day.
-
FaithfulDisciple said on Aug 30, 2006....
Surprise another budding romantic novelist in the midst of our SC Community. You make the community of distinguished writers proud to be your co-memnbers. Great work!
-
silverwhisper said on Aug 30, 2006....
we wouldn't say it if it weren't true, SL. :>
ed
-
anarchist said on Aug 30, 2006....
SL,
You made my heart ache. Thanks for that.
I wrote months ago how I don't feel a thing and this is the first "heart-ache" that I like.
I love the letter.
-
secretlife said on Aug 30, 2006....
anarchist - thank you
I was just reading some of your stuff, and can see quite clearly why this struck a chord with you.
Be well-
SL
-
anonymous said on Sep 03, 2006....
you guys might think this is oooh so touching... ooh so beautiful... what a lovely post. in reality let me tell you what i think.
i think whichever guy who writes this kind of letter to a girl after 15 years is a real arsehole and should be told to go get a life.
i mean what the hell are you trying to achieve by writing this kind of crap after 15 years????? the poor girl would have missed you for 15 damn years. the tears would have come and dried and life.. has moved on!!!
so u know seriously if you didn't have the balls then, then just stick in your sorry hole and spare the other party any inch or droplet of "what if" or nostalgia or affections for you.
you don't deserve it!
-
hotaka said on Sep 03, 2006....
Anonymous, the reason why it is touching is not so much because the guy writes her after fifteen years but because of how well secretlife wrote about the whole situation and the woman's reaction. Of course 15 years is a bit too bloody late and what's up with that guy anyway? But people are enjoying the writing not saying the guy is right.
-
kelly_bb said on Sep 03, 2006....
sad story....so much time losts....think the guy writing the letter is such a coward.....but then again..when u are young and stupid...you are prone to making stupid decisions....
sigh!
Secretlife, if u know the guy..please kick him in the groin!
-
kelly_bb said on Sep 03, 2006....
true..hotaka...
I think anonymous was just really angry that such things happened at all and Secretlife wrote so well....that it justs brings out the anger in anonymous....Bravo secretlife!!
-
Jenna said on Sep 03, 2006....
Interesting view points....I will add my two cents. I looked at the letter as an apology....someone growing up and finally coming to terms with choices made. I feel the guy who wrote the letter was finally admitting and being accountable for pain he had caused. I kind of admired the guy!
And as always SL....your writing is incredible!
-
secretlife said on Sep 03, 2006....
Everyone: I don't mind the anonymous feedback at all.
It's actually nice to be able to make people care one way or the other.
-
mOOn_platOOn said on Oct 21, 2009....
OThanks for bringing this to my attention. Well written, and a strong point of view.O
Comment on "The Letter"
Related Posts:
hairbrushedhubby
posted 3 days ago
| views: 105
|
I just want everyone to know that my darling wife and I celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary yesterday, they have been the best year's of my life and I pray that our dear God will bless us with health and age to do another 34. together.... read entire post
seer
posted about 18 hours ago
| views: 63
|
I just thought I'd drop in for a quick blog about life so you guys don't think I've forgotten you/died.Anyway, I wrote about taking it slow with my new girlfriend. That didn't happen.
I was only staying round when the kids wern... read entire post