Today hasn’t been so bad, but I would rather be doing other things certainly.  At the moment I’m only here on a break from being at the farm.  So this post is going to be another one of those types where I just add a little here and there as the day goes, as I get time.  I woke up around 9am.  Well, I got woke up by a text, a stupid forward.  We went over to the farm fairly soon after getting up, of course its fricken’ cold outside!  We waited around while my SIL’s “thing” (hereafter known as “The Thing”) was helping my husband’s cousin work on his van.  My husband managed to fix the 4 wheeler at least, after finding out my FIL has had the starter for it for a week or two now, although he bald faced lied about it four days ago and said he was still waiting for it.  I hate that he does that, I don’t see any reason he has to do that.  He gets such a kick out of keeping things from people, telling it to some, but not others and then finally coming out with it all together, or not.  What kind of jerk does that?  It serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever.  I also had an interesting conversation with my mother in law.

I more or less told her that my husband and I sort of feel “screwed”.  How are we supposed to be able to start our own family and have our own life when my dad relies so much on us when his back is out, and when my FIL relies on my husband for everything and is completely unforgiving of us having our own things to do now as is?  My dad at least takes note of when we have things going on and doesn’t flip out if we can’t be there right that second.  My FIL throws a completely hissy fit which can last anywhere from a few minutes to weeks.  I told my mother in law that I was pretty well to the decision of ‘Its either we have kids and have our own lives and people understand that, or we have NO children whatsoever and we’re there for everybody when they want us there.’  I will not live my life like they and The Thing have, where helping everybody else comes first and being there for your own family comes second.  I will not tolerate that out of my husband.  Now, don’t misunderstand me, running a farm is a huge responsibility and there are times when a lot of time is required, but I mean, I’m not going to go to doctor appointments alone, do monumental things alone, or get overrun at home because he’s constantly gone because his dad throws a hissy fit over him not being there to pick up some tires that are completely unimportant to the actual farm work.  I won’t go through those things just so my husband can go tinker at the farm with some scrap metal that is more of a hobby than something useful at this point.  He won’t have his cake and eat it too, in other words.

I’m not saying my husband thinks he can, but I don’t want to give him any room to think that’s the way it’s going to be.  As it is, my SIL and her Thing are only available to help at the farm when it’s convenient for them, which is rarely most of the time.  My BIL hates his father so he never helps at the farm, because even when he does put in effort and try to be there my FIL is so hard on him that it pushes him away, angers him and makes him stay away for even longer.  So that leaves us.  My MIL was completely understanding of this, especially when I told her that I was not feeling that way out of bitchyness, but more out of seeing the examples.  I see how unhappy she is, how poorly they get along.  I don’t want the two of us to end up that way.  So it wasn’t a bad conversation, but it was certainly interesting to say the least.  Of course some of that will tie into us moving out, which I did not mention to her yet.  Even though children are a far way off, the same will still go for us moving out.  I know there will be times that my FIL will still call and expect us there right away, whether we can or not.  If we can’t he’ll get upset.  I do not intend on just dropping what I’m doing to go running there if it’s not important.  I’m not going to schedule our lives around him.  Further, I could already see my FIL trying to turn it into a problem for him that we’re planning to move because then he’ll know we won’t live close enough to just run over.  He won’t be able to spy across the street and see us.  He will HAVE to tell us about plans ahead of time instead of expecting my husband to be a mind reader.  That will probably tick him off and he’ll become even more of a shit about it at first.

He’ll assume we’re moving out because of something ignorant my dad did when that’s not the whole reason.  Its part of it, because my dad is getting unbearable to live with, but its also getting unbearable to live near my in law’s as well, and its just simply time for us to be on our own, to see how we do.  It makes me so angry how poorly he talks about my father to me all the time.  I’m not saying my dad is a saint, but you know, at least acknowledge that he does help when asked, he has helped us out of many binds and he is giving us a place to stay that isn’t roach infested, completely messy and is properly heated/cooled/plumbed.  That’s more than he could say when we lived there for a short stint.  Further, while my dad is pretty demanding, he’s not a complete slave driver; he understands that we have our own obligations and responsibilities that are not related to him.  Another thing I’m getting sick of hearing about is my uncle.  OK, my uncle got a few DUI’s and had his license taken away.  He drives to work and out here to the next door properties that he owns.  That’s it, that’s where his special driving permit allows.  If he intends to drink he doesn’t drive after he’s begun.  My FIL just never fails to bring up the fact that he’s surprised he hasn’t gotten pulled over and put in prison; that he’s surprised he isn’t already in prison; he’s surprised he got through his last DUI without being locked away for life.  He says it with such a poor tone, no censorship and no effort at even trying to realize that it’s MY uncle and maybe I don’t want to hear him spoken about this way.  He pissed my dad off the other day by bringing it up and being so inconsiderate about it and it ticked him off enough that he got up and left.  I don’t blame him, I would have too if my husband hadn’t been underneath the truck.  That has just been something that’s bothered me lately.