Why do we allow ourselves to be treated with less love and respect, than we deserve by the men in our lives? We may have it so together in all other areas of our lives, but when it comes to our romantic relationships, we sell our hearts for little or nothing. Many of us are smart, assertive, loving, all around good people. We make terrific friends, have successful careers, and are beautiful in mind, body and spirit (no matter our dress size), yet we can not breakaway from toxic, degrading, dysfunctional relationships. We are invaluable employees, fantastic moms, someone’s BEST friend, and stellar students. We are wonderful daughters, sisters and aunts, yet we allow ourselves to suffer the humiliations that infidelity, disrespect, and overall mistreatment undeservedly drops into our laps. We rise to occasions as teachers, mail carriers, doctors, waitresses, and civic leaders. We hail in the PTA, WMBA, and I’m sure, the CIA, and no matter how many other lives we help to make better, somewhere deep inside is a wounded little girl who does not believe she is a priceless jewel-- that she deserves better.

How often do we misuse our own creativity by making excuses for the crap we take? “He’s the father of my child(ren).” “If that ’skank’ would just stay away from him.” “I can’t pay all these bills by myself.” “He’s going through a rough time; he‘s not usually like this.” “If I could cook better, look better, be something-- whatever-- better.“ “As soon as I can loose this weight-- get my boobs done-- my tummy tucked-- and my on-and-on-and-on.“ “I don’t want to be alone.“ And my personal favorite, “I can change him.”

Why do we do it? What is it that makes us feel we deserve less than the best? What’s with this never-ending search for love outside ourselves, when the love we really need can only be found within ourselves? What is it that prevents us from loving ourselves enough, if at all? The fact of the matter is that when you love yourself, you will not allow someone else to mistreat you, BUT for different, and often unclear reasons, we fail to see our own value-- “You don’t know your worth” (Joy Luck Club). How sadly we embrace the thought that we deserve the worst and not the best. The “I‘m Not Good Enough” song plays over and over, on a loop, in our heads. The truth is that we deserve the best in love, but somehow, we find it easier to believe a lie. Why?

Everyday, I see the hidden and the obvious signs of this kind of degradation in co-workers, friends, neighbors, and sometimes, strangers. At one time it was even me, and I’ll share my personal story as we go along.

What can we do to make our lives better? Think about it. If we love ourselves better, we can break free from Too-Needy Penitentiary. No matter our ethnicities, socio-economic backgrounds, or credit scores, we are sisters of femininity, and we absolutely deserve the best that love and life has to offer. It is all up to us make things better for ourselves. This blog was created not to judge, but to help. This blog is not about how “bad” he is, but instead, how “good” you are, and the goodness you deserve. (For once, it’s all about you, Mama!) This blog is dedicated to the betterment and improvement of life for women everywhere. What’s your story? Let’s work through it together.