Do you know that song by Pink "don't let me get me" that's the title. It goes on to say 'I'm my own worst enemy' I feel this way today.

I have been so discouraged as of late. I have been diligently working on my website for so long and I have put so much into it, but it seems that it's never right.

I have been slowly starting to advertise and in doing that I post questions on yahoo answers, well the other day my question was along the lines of ' how do you like my website?

The responses were disheartening, they were helpful too and I was glad for the advice but at the same time a single thought ran through my head ' FUCK, here we go again' I have already redesigned this damn site at least 5 times. I just really thought I had it now, ya know.

I let my husband read the helpful but, sad answers, sad, because they mean another redesign. He wants me to take a break. I have work on this site every day, every free minute, I don't take breaks. He says I should paint something or do some sketches (I'm an artist) I wonder at his motives for awhile and think maybe he just wants me to take a break so the house will get clean (my home has never been dirtier then these past months that I have built this site) he tries to help out around the house but, he is a man.

Anyway, after dismissing this thought, I realize that he is just worried about me and how stressed I've been lately. Then I start thinking about my art and feel sad about abandoning it for soo long. It's been too long now, but, I know I couldn't get my thinking to the place it needs to be for me to paint. I paint when I'm happy and not stressed, I don't paint to get happy or de-stress.

Maybe I'm just not letting myself be happy right now, which pisses me off because I am generally quite a happy person.

To make this day even worse I have to work tonight (I'm a bartender) and I've been getting so burnt out, it has become so repetitive. Put on a fake smile serve the same drunks, hear the same stories, all the while, hoping for an early night so I can get home and get some work done to my site. Putting up with the same fights, then, take out the trash, sweep, mop, wash ashtrays, stock coolers,turn down the lights so the customers will take the hint (that they never do) that I'm fed up and ready to go.

I'm just tired I guess and apparently really whinny.. sorry for that