I know that this world is at war with what I believe. Still, I'm going to keep my beliefs. I know damn well that I'm right. I believe in freedom of expression, so I dyed my hair fire truck red. Alot of people disapprove. They no longer can control me though. I have come to realize that no one has my best interest at heart. That's probably the reason that the fucking government is taking so long on my SSDI/SSI case. They don't care whether or not I live or die. That's damn obvious. They don't care if I go homeless or not. That's obvious too. They don't care that my disability is the REAL reason why I applied for it in the first case. The longer they can keep me strung along, disappointed, and suicidal, the better, in their eyes. Everyone wants to take turns pissing on my needs and rights as a human being from what I can tell. I don't know why I have attracted such negativity since early childhood. Like I want to settle for less than $700 a month? If I could function in a work environment, wouldn't you think that I would prefer to strive for more cash and something to do in order to pass the time? Do they even realize how time drags when you aren't working? Eh. They probably don't care. I never asked to be born into this stupid hellhole we call America, or even really, planet Earth. Why the fuck am I being punished because I was born into this shit? This pain isn't my fucking fault. Other people blog and share personal feelings without being ridiculed while they are visible to the public eye. How the fuck do people know it's me stating what I state any fucking way? Where the fuck is my freedom? Why am I not allowed to enjoy my life and savor the few good things that I do have in it? Every time I try to, some fuck just has to go out of their way to drag my ass down. I'm fucking sick of it. Why the fuck is everyone crawling up my ass anyway? Why the fuck can't people find something constructive to do like I'm trying to do. Oh wait!!!!!!!!!!!!! The human race is too stupid to figure out that this concept of constructiveness could save humanity and other species on this earth if we all worked together. Duh!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh well. I can only do what I can do. I hate people. Really, I do. I have no choice. I have to protect my heart from being broken by idiocy any further.
Comments
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pusscat said on Feb 14, 2009....
Fire truck red - now that's what I call a great colour!! I used to dye my hair that colour too - good taste dtl.
Unfortunately there are people in this world who just don't care if they hurt others or not. thankfully my friend, you and I aren't like that. We do actually care about others. Don't let them pull you down to their level, they're not worth it. When I'm feeling good and someone tries to put me down, yes it hurts. But I also know I have people out there that don't want to pull me down and that care about me. They are the only ones that I'm gonna worry about these days.
Don't hate everyone dtl. It's ok to feel hatred towards those that try to do you an injustice all the time but remember there's some good ones out there too :-)
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darkerthanlight said on Feb 14, 2009....
I know. You're right. I blurt stuff out that I don't mean. I generalize too much. That needs to change. I don't hate everyone in reality. I just have a hard time dealing with people because of the way that I have been hurt and my illness. I regret that I make myself look like an ass many times. (At least I'm good at something, right?LOL.) Seriously, you are very kind. I appreciate your time with me. -
pusscat said on Feb 14, 2009....
Hey dtl
I always spend time with people I like :-)
You don;t need to apologise though for what you wrote. To me, that's what this place is for. When I have those dark times I can vent and rant all the shit i want to get out. I often read it the next day and think - bloody hell - what was i thinking? What will everyone else think about me? Thing is - it's ok. You see, over time, we get to know the people here.
When you've been hurt as much as you have you sure have the right to spout off my friend. I don't want you to ever think that you can't have these rants and vents here at SC dtl. When you feel like this don't think 'oh I best not, what will people think of me' - just go for it - honest. You need to be you at all times. No matter what you write, I'll pop by and try to help. If I aint got no good advice I'll still drop by hoping to just offer you my support.
pc
PS - you never EVER look like an ass lol!
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seer said on Feb 15, 2009....
I like you DTL, don't let them grind you down. The govenment has been quite shit to me over the years. Its ok though, I got pissed off and sucessfully evaded a LOT of taxes. Grr.Why should I pay for a government that hasn't helped me? They won't help me with college. Benefit. Fuck all. Oh and some of the money goes to those uneleceted spungers the Royal Family. Most of it goes to the war effort, yeah, using my money to create a war that puts me at risk of terrorism and I protested it.Fuck them. -
darkerthanlight said on Feb 15, 2009....
Thank you both. I like the both of you too. -
RollingC said on Feb 18, 2009....
I like the idea of having hair firetruck red. Now that's an attention getter. My car is volcanic red which is close enough. Don't let anyone grind you down girl.
Things will eventually get better and you just have to be patient that's all.
Rc
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PieterOpie said on Feb 19, 2009....
You have the absolute right to dye your hair, shave it off, glue frogs in there, set it on fire...... it is your right to make yourself as obnoxious and repellent as you want and obviously you are doing just that. Good for you!!! There are so many more things you can do to stave off any and all approval if you just give it some thought. Just ask yourself what do people hate? What makes them sick to the stomach? What is truly offensive? All kinds of totally revolting things will come to you and I strongly urge you employ them all in your rebellion against the establishment and people generally. Fuck e'm eh? YEAH!!!!! You show 'em!!!
I shall look forward hearing about your next brilliant step to turn the stomachs of your detractors. Love (at a distance, hehe), Pieter.
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darkerthanlight said on Feb 21, 2009....
Thank you RollingC. Oh uh, PieterOpie, thank you too. I think. -
darkerthanlight said on Feb 21, 2009....
Oh, Pieter, I have shaved my head too. How did you know that unless you know me???????????????????? I haven't glued frogs to my head though. Hell, even when I look normal I get disapproved of. That's why I end up doing outlandish shit. They look down on my ass when I blend, so fuck it. Might as well give them reason to look at me like I'm a freak. Besides, I used to draw pictures of females with all sorts of hair colors. I'm inspired by past artwork. Why not bring beauty to light. -
PieterOpie said on Feb 21, 2009....
Whether you dye your hair an insane colour or shave the whole lot off it should be remembered that there is no reason you can't do both.
One side bald - the other dyed. Why not?
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