Things are changing in my home, I can feel it.  The air isn't quite as thick as it was, and a heavy burden is slowly being ifted from my shoulders.  The load has been lightened, temporariy, and I am becoming more functonal inside and outside of the house.  My spirit feels better, and all of my friends tell me that it shows.  I am smiling more and dressing like I used to.  I'm feeling "okay" again.  The pains still come and go, but the tears don't flow as often and my life is becoming more balanced now. 

 

The children are coming out of their saddness and I am so happy for them.  My daughter brought her report card home and had straight A's!  I am so proud of her!  Unfortunately two of my sons are failing and the other is borderline failing...but we just have to deal with it.  All of us are handling our grief differently, and the boys are really trying to pull it back together.  Dad is gone and I'm all that's left, and I can't help but to feel their despair.  We have family talks more often now, and they are beginning to understand all of us need to get back on track with our lives for eachother's sake.

 

I still feel as a married woman, and the desire for intimacy is gone.  I find comfort in my husband's spirit and knowing he is here somewhere.  Friends and family think that it is unhealthy for me to keep the "maried" mentality, but my husband is the only man I have loved and I know his shoes could never be filled.  It is pointless to think otherwise and I am comfortable continuing to love him and honor our vows.  I might end up as the litle old cat lady, but I will be happy...

 

I love you baby...