This isn't something I usually do...maybe I just didn't care. I was screaming at the moon, crying, going too fast around turns, just wanting something...I needed something to happen. I wondered if this is all there was in life. I can't stand it in this existence anymore...my mind is being taken over by all of the fiction and escapist fantasy I read and watch, trying desperately to latch onto something. How sad is it that when people refer to real life, it is never in positive terms. it's always something like, "Well, life's not fair," "Get used to it," "Life sucks, get over it," "Suck it up," and other such things. Everyone knows it sucks...some are just strong enough to "deal with it" I guess.
There's nothing...no magic, no true joy, all of your expectations and dreams are nothing when met with "reality"...life is spent learning lessons in how unrealistic your dreams are and coming to terms with the "harsh reality" of things. Why can't life be like your dreams? At least once or twice...is that too much to ask? It's like "real life" is only here to pull the rug out from under us and laugh when we fall and start crying...like a middle school bully.
Are we supposed to let go of everything in our hearts as we grow up? Is that what life wants...what society expects? To give up everything magical, innocent, and hopeful...to give up the "you who could be" trapped deep inside your heart...discard that poor, beaten down little dream that just wants to see the light of day and make you happy....throw it away and "except the reality" of things and become something else...something you are expected to be.
I don't want to throw her away...I don't want to get rid of my dreams...my imagination...I don't want to lose my innocence...It's being taken from me slowly...I'm fighting it...but all of the light is turning to darkness. Please...I just don't want to keep going down this path...
The tears fall...no one comes...no one is there to come...my heart aches...the world keeps turning...I've stopped caring...
And without that...I just don't know how I can last. I'm scarred...lonely...lost...and I feel like I'm almost at the end...I need someone...something that I guess isn't there.
