Unexpected emotional frailty aside the only things left for me to say are:
I believe I have finally fallen, at least theoretically, for watersports, but there is only one person I would allow to do this to me and he doesn't know I exist and almost certainly isn't into it, and
I own a perfectly good dildo (and a perfectly bad vibrator; it would appear that the reason it was cheap was that the connections are bad and therefore the batteries do nothing but add weight. No good vibrations for me) but for some reason am still happier using the handle of the blunt hunting knife that I was using before the purchase of my first and indeed only proper sex toy. As opposed to the things that I used as sex toys and which appear unrelated to sex to everyone else.
The problem with that being that I have no idea what kind of revolting diseases are on the knife handle. It's almost like sleeping with my ex-fiance all over again.
