I should go to sleeps, but I don't want to yet.  Lots of things have been on my mind lately.  For one thing I went to see another counselor.  I feel like I was very honest with her, and she seemed to ask the right questions to get it out of me.  She was very strange, kind of older and she had a strange way of moving her head involuntarily, but eventually I could just talk to her about my history pretty easily.  Unfortunetly she said I still have a lot of grief about my Dad and need to work on that more.  I don't think that's gonna get any better, but I'm surprised that is something I might need more help with, I didn't think I did.  I will only get 10 sessions with a therapist, but it's better then nothing.  Sucks that I have to stay on my medicine till the end of the semester she said, things are just to crazy for me right now and since it helps, she said I should stay on it.

    Course I can't get my mind off of my mean bad friend.  This whole last week my appetite was gone, which is unheard of for me and my stomach was sensative.  I think I'm getting close to back to normal though.  I'm very nervious that he may have knocked me up or something, I feel weird in places kinda sorta, or I'm just paranoid, but I'm gonna be on the look out.  He's always said "We're in the same boat."  when it comes to that, whatever that means.  Anyway, I'm fine I'm fine, I must be fine.  Then I can't stop thinking about our relationship.  I'm pushing myself to see that we're friends and trying not to expect much.  I realize I need to express myself with him more, let him get to really know me and then see if we can be more.  Plus I need to account for the fact that he's high a lot lately, and doesn't care about anything.  I also see that he's increased contact with me over these past three years, for him that's a pretty good step, really slow, but maybe that's what he needs right now. 

    My sense of panic is dieing down from realizeing these things.  I get so hysterical thinking he's using me, add to that this new enviornment and it was bad this last week.  I feel more calm now though and I'm starting in on my homework.  I don't know why everything can be so unsettling, it's been 3 weeks.  I'm happy that I'm trying though, that I'm out of my comfort zone as they say, but it's really scary sometimes, they sure don't mention that part. 

    I hope I'm doing the right thing, a fortune cookie told me so the other day.  It sure is a whole lot right now though, but I'm slowly dealing.  I don't know how I ended up starting out in such a crazy city though.