mom's tags:
Some of you know I am moving out and away from my husband.  There has been a lot of tears shed and much thought about all of this.  Twenty years is a long time to just give up but there comes a time when you realize that if you don't get out, you will never be happy.
 
I have had a lot of people ask me if he is violent and no he isn't but because of this I had a dream.  Although it scared me really bad it was also comical.
 
 I dreamt that I had moved out and my husband, Richard and 2 co workers saw me and started shooting me with guns but they were pellets.  The pellets had penetrated my skin and I started yelling at him that, "This is no way to start working on our marriage".  That is the comical part.
 
But the part that was painful for me was that he had turned my daughter against me.  When I woke up, I told him about the dream and when I said about him turning Robbie against me he said, "That he doubted that was even possible."
 
Weird dreams.


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Comments

  • woman said on Jan 30, 2009....
    I'm pretty impressed/confused that you could discuss this with a husband you are about to leave. If I ever left my marriage I am quite sure there would be no conversation. I hope you will be happy.
  • queenparanoia said on Jan 31, 2009....
    if you want to be happy then do it. i dont know what your dream means though kyle's the dream expert ask him about this...
  • PAPERBACKWRITER said on Jan 31, 2009....

    <3

    paper ~


  • mom said on Jan 31, 2009....
    woman-  I know it is confusing,  my husband and I are good friends but we are living almost 100% platonic and have been for the past 13 years.  I am tired of being lonely in my marriage and I want out.  He and I get along well.  I am sure before  it is over there will be hurt feelings and maybe some bitterness but we have 2 kids and know it is important to make this as painful asw possible for them.
     
    Queen- I know what my dream means, it was just a strange funny dream is all/
     
    PB- HI nice to see you
  • mom said on Jan 31, 2009....
    I meant painless, oops
  • PAPERBACKWRITER said on Jan 31, 2009....


    Thanks mom, I did not know what else to say... and so I left, good thoughts and much love... I am going through the same ... 15 years marriage, and yes, as you said, most if not all of those years with my still husband, were more co-habitating than "living"...

    I wish you all the best, always

    paper ~


  • CreativeWoman said on Jan 31, 2009....
    That is a strange dream.  I hope you are happier in the end.

    CW
  • botoni said on Jan 31, 2009....
    All the best in this endeavor mom. It's never easy to make a choice like this. I know you have given it all the consideration possible and are taking the best move for you and for yours. You're right to make it as painless as possible and I do hope that it remains that way. You always have a shoulder here.
  • Sandman said on Jan 31, 2009....
    MOM ! ! ! !  ! ! ! ! !! !
     
    It's been way to long since we chatted .  I'm sorry to hear about your marriage not making you happy . Remember ... the grass isn't always greener .    I have also been living without any sex from my wife for years but i will never leave since in every other aspect of our relationship we are happy .   I have missed you dearly  and would very much enjoy chatting with you again .
    Whatever you do i wish you all the love and luck in life !
    Remember ... " The Path to One's Heart is Lined With Smiles of LAughter " !
     
    Sandman xxx
  • Lucytorial said on Jan 31, 2009....
    What an awful dream to have in your situation.  I can't fathom how difficult it would be after such a long time but I do understand that sometimes if we do not move on we kill ourselves slowly with unhappiness.  I hope and pray that you and your hubby can console this within yourselves and be happy again.
     
    I liked his answer btw, don't be scared of family mom.
  • Hegemone said on Jan 31, 2009....
    Wow, given the situation I'm sure that was a very disturbing dream.  It is quite wonderful that you two can get along so well, definitely best for the kids I'd say (coming from divorced parents that were not so amicable).  At least you were able to find some humor in it, despite the disturbance of the rest of it.  
  • SeanRenaud said on Jan 31, 2009....
    You'll be fine and he's not going to hurt you.  On a side note if you hurt his care I'll kick your ass for him.
  • mom said on Feb 01, 2009....
    PB- loneliness can be extra lonely when you are in a realtionship. Thank you and I wish you happiness also.
     
    CW- I don't know if I will be happier but I can't be any more miserable than I am now.  I'll just be freer to do something about it.
     
    Bot- thankyou so much.  it hasn't been an easy road or an easy decision but I woke up one day and realized I was living to get old and die.  I don't want to feel that way.  I want to limp my way through life with a smile on my face and silicone in my tits.  You want to come and live with me, we can cuddle and listen to Billie Hoiliday and look at nude men together.  I rpomise not to grope, well ok I promise I will try not to grope.
     
    Sandman- thanks, I am not looking for greener anything and believe me sex is a small part of it.  If it was just sex, well I can live without it but when that is missing along with so many other things, well it just makes sex a little harder to go without.
     
    Lucy- thanks and he wants tthe same thing as I do, to remain friends.  I will have to buy a shield and a pellet gun just in case my dream comes true.
     
    Hegemone- thanks and you know something, I tend to find humor in just about anything so I am not surprised that I dreamt it.  he is not a violent person, he can be emotionally and verbally abusive and manipulating but he is not a physical person.  besides I could kick his ass if I needed to. :)
     
    Sean- I know I will be fine and no he won't hurt me, otherwise he will be another dead body buried in the front yard.  Thank you and if I need to, i know where I can come for back up.  You are always a real sweetheart.
  • Fallyn said on Feb 15, 2009....

    i am lonely now....i was lonely when i was with my ex.

    now it is FAR easier to deal with. It doesn't seem quite so hopeless.

  • mom said on Feb 16, 2009....
    Fallyn- isn't it strange how that works?  I see it as a person who is starved for food and being surrounded by food but not allowed to eat.  If I am single I won't be reminded all the time of how lonely I am.  Where we live, it is his house and I am just a guest, he hasn't said it but that is the way he acts. I am allowed to clean but can't rearrange the furniture or make any changes.  If my opinion differs from his then I am ridiculed and even my music can't be listened to while he is around.  These aren't the only things but just a few that has made me want out. So really what am I losing or giving up? 
    The loan for the mobile home got approved and it will be about 28 days for them to finalize the loan. Yippee, this is the first time in years I can say I am really happy.
  • Fallyn said on Feb 16, 2009....

    EXACTLY.

    i am so very happy for you. and so proud of you for doing this. it's what you need.

    god, i remember that....not being able to listen to my own music.

    GRRRR. stupid man.

  • mom said on Feb 16, 2009....
    Fallyn- thanks.  I do get pissed when he pulls some of his crap about my music.  He groans and roll his eyes and makes a stink about it and then when I turn mine off he will turn on his.  It is frustrating, and sounds comical but if this was the only thing it would be ok.
  • Fallyn said on Feb 16, 2009....
    mine wouldn't even wait till i turned mine off......he'd turn his on and turn the volume up to drown mine out.
  • mom said on Feb 17, 2009....
    LOL, mind has done that a time or two and then when I got mad, he would act like he didn't know I was listening to it.  The thing is that I would never treat him that way.
  • PAPERBACKWRITER said on Feb 17, 2009....

    ((((((((((((((warm embrace)))))))))))))))

    Just saying hello mom...I am almost there with my severing ties with future ex... we see-saw from being amicable & friendly to showing the ugliest side of us...it is so sad...

    ...the funny thing, he refused for so long to face the fact that we will be both happy and peaceful when we have parted ways....now, back here in our still shared apartment to finish some bureaucratic stuff, he can´t hide the fact (lol, have to laugh inwardly, how he tries to ask indirectly when we are going back to my future partner) that he would be glad if we leave again.... he had a taste of a "without family life"....

    ...your words resonate with me............when i told him, this is not a kind of partnership i would like to continue until my dying day... he asked almost incredously, "I give you all my salary,I have never been with a woman (lol, I know why!)  I don´t hit you, ...what more can you ask?" ....the fact that he ask such a question shows me he never really listened...

    ....there were so many many things.....and even with his unresolved bisexuality...I would have stayed if he was not angry with the world (have breakfast with someone who could already be negative at 4.30 am gah)....or would have just hold my hand without me feeling I forced him to it or complaining after a minute that his fingers are cramping..

    ....sorry, i went on and on :( your exchange with Fallyn [blows kisses to Flyn] made my heart squeeze and brought up the sad episodes of my marriage....

    ...but happy times are ahead... getting a taste of it made me stronger .....

    wishing you always the best,

    paper ~


  • mom said on Feb 17, 2009....
    Paper- You know it is funny, that they don't hear what we say until we are leaving.  I have always been open about my feelings and what I want in a realtionship but it seemed to go in one ear and out the other and when I said I was leaving and repeated the same things again such as, "We don't do anything together, I am an outsider in this house, there is no affection"  yadda, yadda, yadda.  he then tells me he will do them now.  Well why do I have to leave to get him to help me make things better?  Like so many other times, they are empty promises.  Anyway, time will tell if he really wants to work on things, but I am not holding my breath. :)  Thanks.
  • Fallyn said on Feb 19, 2009....

    paper......there are better times ahead for all of us.

    dropping the weight of a useless man is the first step to future happiness. I'm just so glad i didn't spend one more minute in a life with someone that made me absolutely miserable and hating myself and wanting to die. that's enough of that....and never again.

Comment on "A stupid dream"

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