I know I must sound like a frickin broken record but I've been feeling so frustrated for some time now and I don't know what to dooooo about it....aghhhhhh. I'm bugged about my marriage...it just feels like something's off. And I don't know what it is or what to do, how to figure it out or see it. That last episode with the female friend he spent time with just got to me. We're not arguing, we're still affectionate -- but I guess I feel different. If that makes any sense! I resent him - and I don't know how to let it go. If I rehash it with him he'll get mad. And we'll just go round and round in circles. I'm changing and I don't know who I really am now - but I know I'm different. Oh man....we're buying an apt. in a lovely neighborhood - our first. We still do things together. We talk openly for the most part. Grrr.....what's happening? I'm also trying to find a new job after the last fiasco at my last teaching job. I had the worst experience with a jerky boss who was so arrogant and liked to yell for every little thing. It left me so drained, and now I feel like I can't grasp things, like I'm in some weird twilight zone and I feel lost. I feel a change is coming in my life and it scares me. How can I know if it's me or if my gut is trying to tell me something? Ever since I left the states it's never been easy here. I had to adjust to so much and deal with all the rude French crap and tedious rituals that dragged on and on. To be honest, my husband has never been easy either. He's strict - the whole German perfectionistic routine get played out often at my house. Now I'm at the point where I can't tell  the culture shock apart from my every day feelings. It has to be a turning point -- or, something is coming up. I just can't shake this feeling of despair. I should feel happy, no?