• pusscat said on Jan 27, 2009....

  Hi wannabe.  Red flag here of the largest kind!!!
  
  A Dom who is interested in helping his submissive lose weight and gain fitness for her own health is a different thing all together.  My Sir has been helping me with fitness.  Not once would he DREAM of using terms like 'fat'.  To deflate someone before they even get going is no way to motivate them.  If it were part of humilation play, fair enough, but he needs to establish if you're into that shit first!!  Why do Dom's think they can talk to us different from a vanilla guy trying to get to know a gal.  Can you imagine what would happen to the guy in the bar on his second date, saying to the girl, "by the way I like your eyes and hair, but you really are fat aren't you?" !!  I wonder eye she would black for him first let alone how many teeth he would lose LOL!
  
  Please be careful here hun.  HE has no right to go on about issues like that until he really knows how you feel about your weight, feel about fitness, what your goals are etc.  You may be a sub but you have every right to tell him how disresepcted you feel with those comments.  You are not a doormat by any means and I feel he owes you an apology. 
  
  Sorry for the rant - just my opinion hun but I dont want to see you get hurt. 
  
  
  

• MsStar39 said on Jan 28, 2009....

  pusscat is exactly right, you don't have to take verbal abuse from anyone unless you want to.

• Hegemone said on Jan 28, 2009....

  I'm not a sub or Dom or anything like that, but I am in the midst of a big weight loss and I know how much it can hurt to have somebody tell your you're fat or something.  Being told that, being told you'll be punished if you don't lose weight ... those are completely counter productive.  You'll be feeling so horrible that you'll be sneaking snacks and be emotionally eating more than ever.  You've got to be able to stay positive, praise yourself for each small step you take and be in control of it without feeling like little slips (a pound here, an extra drink there, having a good time with friends and not worrying about it for a night) are the end of the world.  This guy does not sound healthy.
  
  I agree with PC in that he should get to know you and how you feel, think, etc. before just jumping to the assumption that his attitude and way will work for you.  You don't have to let anybody do anything unless you want them to, and if this does not make you feel happy, then he may not be the one for you.  Good luck!
  

• dksimmer said on Jan 28, 2009....

  Being submissive doesn't involve being degraded on a personal level. At least in my opinion. ALL dom/sub play has to be mutual and there has to be a personal intimate connection there before it really begins to enjoy it like I believe people should.
  While I still am learing, and am a wanna-be dom, I would NEVER insult a woman on a personal level. Being submissive is just that, not being someones punching bag to take out their frustration on.
  

• MoonLiteRide said on Jan 31, 2009....

  You have just as much right to set the bounds and limits of your submission as he is. Once you set those bounds, then the two of you operate within them. If this is something that is not acceptable to you then it should not be part of your D/s relationship. You are completely correct, D/s or vanilla, he should be attracted to you or love you for who you are now, not the vision he has of somebody in the future. To want to change somebody in a way they don't want to, feel bad about or aren't able to is just a recipe for failure. I am sure there are many others out there who would be perfectly happy and content with you just the way you are.

• collared_whore said on Feb 01, 2009....

  i echo the comments above.  i was overweight when i met my Master.  Despite being overweight, He always made me feel desireable.  He fell in love with me when i was a "big girl," as He now puts it.  About six months into O/our relationship, i  decided that i wanted to lose weight and get in shape.    i  asked Master to help me with it and under His guidance and support, i was able to reach my goals.  If, however, He had called me fat it never would have happened.  my feeling is that unless and until you and this potential dom have negotiated verbal humiliation of the sort he is engaging in by calling  you fat, then he is insulting you.   It is not a matter of you not being submissive, it is a matter of this potential dom engaging in verbal humiliation that you have not requested or agreed to; that imho, is not D/s.   

• wannabesub said on Feb 04, 2009....

  wow. apparently i have missed out on some comments. thank you all for the words of wisdoms. it all makes perfect sense...and im glad that i have a group of people to go to with this stuff. i have yet to be ina real D/s relationship so im still figuring things out.
   
  again. thank you all!

• MoonLiteRide said on Feb 04, 2009....

  Well, don't push it.  Things will all happen in good time.  Take the time to learn about yourself as you make this journey.  If something (like the issue above) just doesn't feel right to you then it likely isn't right.  Not all those reporting themselves to be something are always what they say so don't blindly trust them.

• darkprince_xxx said on Feb 24, 2009....

  I am horrified by this, it is terrible. Sub / Dom relationships can be about humiliation and degradation but they have a core of care / love, respect / trust, which underlies the overall scenarios. I cant understand him, but I can understand you. In my mind he is completely and utterly wrong.

• Devious_Babydoll said on Mar 15, 2009....

  Again as everyone else has said that's just plain disrespectful in ANY relationship especially if you're not into humiliation. I'm not a small girl either and I am quite well aware of it, I don't need to be reminded of it by anyone. My Sir has never once in the few months I've known Him made a comment about my weight. Instead He has accepted me for who I am and has helped me immensely with my self confidence. If it were me I'd stay clear of the guy you're refering to or like PC said black his eye and knock his teeth down his throat. We are subs/slaves because we choose to be not because we want people to use us as doormats and walk all over us. Be patient, the right Dom for you will come along. I found mine when I wasn't even looking and had never thought about being a slave in my life. It'll happen when you're ready, don't rush it.

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