Monday 26 January 2009 Northampton
Paul Simon (and all artists) has a code too: symbolic representation. In this case, representation of certain truths about the human condition.
I'd rather be a hammer than a nail...
I'd rather be a sparrow than a snail...
I'd rather be a forest than a street...
I'd rather feel the earth beneath my feet...
Away, I'd rather sail away
like a swan, that's here and gone
A man gets tied up to the ground
he gives the world its saddest sound
The FBI seems to have tied me to the ground more tightly, more cruelly and agonizingly than anyone has ever done before. I've certainly been told more than once that they can do anything they like. And in the efforts I have made to talk to people about it -- ordinary people who are not agents -- I have given the saddest sounds I think a human being can make. All for nothing. The amerikan nazis will cling to the money the feds pay them, or to the fear of the mafia the feds browbeat them with, or simply to their own self-centeredness. The desperate and innocent and sad sounds of the person being abused under federal bullet-protection go unregarded.
I HAVE BEEN A NAIL ALL MY LIFE, FOR EVERY SINGLE NEUROTYPICAL WHO FANCIED THEMSELVES AS A MIGHTY HAMMER. THIS IS THE WAY THE WRITER JEAN REESE SAID IT:
I'VE BEEN A DOORMAT IN A WORLD OF BOOTS.
DITTO, JEAN. DITTO, DITTO, DITTO, DITTO, DITTO, DITTO...........................................
Jean couldn't march onward indefinitely into doormat-hood. She drank herself to death. It's another option.
Update 27 Aug 2009: That "code" in the title is something Matthew sent me. At least, I've always been pretty sure it was him. Because he gave me so few details, and because so many people told me the FBI could do anything they liked (legal or illegal), my anxiety and fear kept growing that they had taken over my life in a much bigger way than I had imagined when Matthew first told me I was being protected. And the anger grew too, anger that I was powerless to find out how much of my life they were interfering with, and that I was powerless to get any of it stopped. Matthew was my only contact, the only person who could have tried to help me with these things. He didn't. And he still doesn't.
