I think I'm spent.  I have been feeling alot safer without a man minus my supposed paranoia.  If a man came to me, could I ever want to be with him?  I've been abused and taken for granted so often by men that I know within my rational mind that I'm better off without.  I know that other women get married and find happiness, at least for a while.  That's great.  I seem to attract the bad seeds for some reason.  Even in my best relationship, the guy stood me up on more than one occasion.  Maybe God has something more for me, even though I wanted to be with a man for the rest of my life during my younger years.  I don't want another cracked rib or to be spat on.  I think that I'm scared to death of men now.  Well, maybe not to death.  If I ever were to get close to a man again, I think it would only be for one night.  I don't want to get involved only to find out that he's not what I want.  I probably shouldn't be a slut though.  I did enough of that when I was younger, while looking for love.  Maybe I got it all wrong.  Who cares anymore?  There's no point in thinking that some man is going to rescue me from my memories of men.  I probably won't let him in.  I'm better off that way.  They are probably better off without me at this point too because I am damaged goods.