• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Jan 25, 2009....

  
  Hi Fallyn...
  
  ...commenting is difficult for me most of the time... specially on topics that are very close to my heart... i am just trying to step by step recapture my life, and i feel if i start jumping from a to j before doing b, c, d, e etc.. i will lose footing...
  
  i needed to write that above before i can, hopefully, comment properly....and hopefully not write too much before i could come to the point!
  
  there has been a very long period in my life, where i thought, why am i only the one, who tries to put myself in the shoes of everybody else, and how come the others just say what they want without considering my situation, (or my feelings :( ) or my being... it seem so easy for them to criticize, judge, patronize... where do they take the right... when i think before i utter a word, and consider their situation, their feelings, and their entire being....
  
  it all boils down to communication, and how different people communicate (as  you stated above...)....
  
  i think, your sister loves you, as you love her but both of you have different ways of communicating...
  
  my humble opinion... as my experience... we won´t be able to change people who can´t put themselves in the situation of others... some who are not able to symphatize or emphatize... the only way we could cope is make ourselves emotionally stronger again to be able to cope with them...
  
  i tried this with my family... my mom, my relatives...etc
  
  ...in the end they remained the same ... but are careful now how they communicate with me because they don´t want me disappearing (when i go into hibernation)...
  
  ... i told you once, you have helped me a lot... 2007, when i was mostly lurking...because i have been (still am in parts) in the same situation as you: separation after long years of marriage, depression, caring for young daughters while dealing with depression..long distance relationship.. and the list goes on..
  
  i know what i am saying is not new to you... and you are just venting your frustration...
  
  i guess, i am just sharing too... sorry i blathered... that is why i still lurk in your blogs because i am still finding words to all that was... i am still coping...
  
  what i want to say, you are not alone...i am sorry, you felt violated by your sister, and i am sure she is frustrated too because she cannot communicate her love to you in a way that you will understand too... like you cannot communicate to her that her way is hurting you...
  
  <3
  
  paper ~
  
  
  

• diabolicdame said on Jan 25, 2009....

  Sometimes when our opinions are just not the same.. we can forget how to agree to disagree.. and that happens even more with family because we tend to not bother to be polite and things like that..
  Only you can really know the best to deal with it.. but I'd suggest thatwhen you're both calm and just say that you realise you both dont agree on this but you dont want to get in an argument about it ever again and that it hurts you to have to hear those things and just agree to not fight over it again. But I know its just not that simple when its your own sister.. you cant not get into these things out of concern and love.. the intentions are good it just ends in a bad place.
  
  
  

• PieterOpie said on Jan 25, 2009....

  It is the duty of christians to make people feel like they are evil scum.  That way they are automatically holier than thou.  They don't mean the be judgemental but somehow they just can't help it.  It doesn't help much when just about anything can be a sin.  It all depends how you look at things and who is doing the looking; and in this case they are. 
  
  The problem is that there is no standardisation of what is a sin unless you are a catholic.  Then the pope decides that for you and since he is infallible  there is no second guessing as to what is sin or not.  However most other christians are self-regulated and everyone is their own pope.  You can imagine with all that infallibility floating around that we ordinary folk can easily get harpooned by the roving eye of judgementalism.
  
  As soon as you are having fun..... BANG!!!  they gotcha!!  Fun is the enemy of Jesus.  Just ask any born again.  They know Jesus personally. They  are very very special people. 
  
  
  My advice to you is,  take a glass of water, drink it and everything will be alright.
  I will then forgive you and you will be for a brief moment holier than her.
  
  Please send me $5000 so I can spread my message to other sinners.  Thanks.
  

• dyingman said on Jan 25, 2009....

  She's a kvetch out of love, if that helps any.
  
  It hurts so much because you think she's right.  You fail your own expectations.
  If you were content with your lot in life and your environment, her opinion wouldn't matter, so much
  
  If you can't find a way to bring your life closer to what YOU consider is adequate, you may be able to find a mid point of expectations and reality by combining a little effort and more forgiveness.
  
  Why isn't MY house cleaner?  Why do I make so little money?
  I'm lazy and I enjoy life and I'm VERY engaged in the lives of my children and my community.  I have given up these benefits most of society values for itself because I value the things I accomplish and make for myself instead.
  
  What do you do instead of work towards achieving the goals your sister thinks you SHOULD value?  What do you value instead and shouldn't that be okay?
  
  What aspect of your life that you enjoy might you sacrifice in order to have time/energy/money enough to obtain some of what you might value more (and your sister might too, but that should be secondary to your own standards.)
  
  Once you dispense with those things you value less, come to grips with limitations of what is possible and recognize the healthy balance you've produced and respect your own decisions enough to agree with your sister that your life isn't as orderly as hers and you just DON'T CARE enough to change.
  
  

• Fallyn said on Jan 25, 2009....

  paper, oh that was beautiful.
  thankyou.
  that is it exactly. i don't think i wil be communicawting much with her any more.......not more than surface stuff...because until she is put in a very difficult place.....she will not understand. .....not that i ever ever wish her to be in the depths.......i just know that she can't understand. and i will never convince her of that.
   
  diabolic....the state of my eternal soul is at stake according to her....she loves me very much and therfore just CANNOT let it go.
   
  pieter. *giggling* no....HER understanding of the bible is the TRUTH..... no other christians understand the truth......or her friends have found it....or something i haven't quite gotten it.
  i don't care to either. she can't figure out why in the world i wouldn't WANT to go to heaven.
  she also claims that christians are the last persecuted people in america because you don't dare mention god or sin or anything without people hating you......
  i told her.....my gay friends don't try to make me gay, my pagan friends don't try to make me pagan, my poly friends don't try to make me poly, my buddhist friends don't try to make me buddhist.....my black friends don't try to make me black, etc. etc. etc. and i really appreciate that.
  it is only my christian friends that try to make me christian. and want the whole world to be christian.....and that really bothers and threatens me.

• Fallyn said on Jan 25, 2009....

  dyingman....i'm not sure what happened to my response to you..... i typed it all out in that same response...... GRRRR
  but what i was trying to say is that thinking more about it....you're right.....there are parts of her life i'd like in mine.....a stable intimate loving relationship....... some more money possibly.....close friends......but i wouldn't trade my life with hers for the world.
  i'm an artist....i want to surround myself with people who are exceptionally open and non judgemental.
  people who realize that people are just people.

• PieterOpie said on Jan 25, 2009....

  but but... have you told her the bible is a load of crap?  She probably thinks it is full of facts or something ridiculous like that.
  
  That is wrong.  It is mostly just waffle.  Even theologians agree that you can't take the bible literally. 
  
  And I say you should recycle it.  There is a lot of paper going to waste in all the bibles in the world.    Get her a nice coffee table book instead.
  
  
  

• Fallyn said on Jan 25, 2009....

  *laughing* what kind do you suggest? ....hmmmmmm how bout a book with lots of photos chronicaling the history of subversive arts? *giggling*

• PieterOpie said on Jan 25, 2009....

  Oooow yes, you have a deliciously devious mind.   Tell her you have converted to some other religion.  One that is totally abhorrent in her eyes.  One that is an affront to all that is sacred and decent.  One you would not really join in a billion years.....  like Catholicism or Scientology.  That might cause instant brain-failure and then you shall be FREEEEEEEE............     

• Fallyn said on Jan 26, 2009....

  hmmmmmm.......muslim.....that would work.
  actually, just about anything that isn't christian would work.
  ....or....i could join a cult...where you can't wear "soccer mom" outfits. :P
  

• scipio said on Jan 26, 2009....

  People whom we love hurt us most. That is why it is said relatives are thrust upon us - thank God, we can choose our friends.

• Fallyn said on Jan 26, 2009....

  scipio.....thankgod. yes.

• PieterOpie said on Jan 26, 2009....

  Oh that's right!!!  Catholics are christians.....  silly me.  I am always reminded of demons, Satan, hellfire and torment, etc...  so I was confused.  I suppose Islam would be your best bet. 
  
  Are you sure you would like to be a witch???  I could get into that for a while... 
  
  Naaah... I hate warts.
  

• Fallyn said on Jan 26, 2009....

  i'm laughing way too hard to respond coherently!
  
  i was raised seventh day adventist.......they basically believe that the pope is the anti christ...... without actually officially declaring so.
  my sis isn't SDA anymore........they're too "liberal" for her.
  actually they are pretty liberal......despite the catholic thing.
  

• Fallyn said on Jan 26, 2009....

  maybe i should clarify that.
  
  they are the most legalistic.....insane rules church i've ever known.........they are liberal politically is what i meant to say.
  they're afraid the rest of christendom is going to take away their right to worship on saturday.......so they defend everyone's rights.
  

• PieterOpie said on Jan 26, 2009....

  That's it!!!  I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!!  OK - listen up people.  I have just been speaking to god (wink wink) and he told me that I understand him correctly and I must start a religion to replace all others.  Out with the old - in with the new.
  
  I shall be the new POPE!!!   Don't panic... I'm nice and you won't believe what I'll let you get away with.  My rules will roughly resemble the six commandments (a few have gone already) and as long as you don't hurt anybody it is probably fine.
  
  I will set up the New Vatican here, at home....  in my living room where I will order my priests around and make things holy and respectable.  From now on women can be priests - in fact, they get priority.  I suspect that's what Jesus wanted anyway. 
  
  I will be known as Pope Pieter the First and you may address me as "your gorgeousness", "your grace" or "you're so special".
  
  There will be no more formal mass with all that cannibalism and nonsense.  Sunday will still be a day of rest but you can go fishing or whatever.  Just say a brief prayer and off you go.....
  
  More details to follow.
  
  Job Opportunities:-  Priests (female only), Chef, TV repaiman, plumber, nuns (male and female).  more coming.
  
  
  That is all,  Bless you my children.  I love you all.  kissy kissy.....
  
  In the name of eh..... well, in my name for now....   bye.
  

• PieterOpie said on Jan 26, 2009....

  COMPETITION:
  
  I need a catchy name for my new church. 
  
  make it classy.  there is a lot of rubbish out there.  I want style and good taste.....
  
  
  Thanks.
  

• Fallyn said on Jan 27, 2009....

  i think uniquely ironic started the church of chocolate and coffee.....i think that's a pretty good start.

• PieterOpie said on Jan 27, 2009....

  eh... HELLO!!! 
  
  NEW CHURCH......NEW..... 
  
  
  thank you but try again.
  
  kissy kissy
  

• Fallyn said on Jan 27, 2009....

  hey......be nice! *laughing*
  
  hmmmmmmmm.
  what exactly does your church stand for?
  

• PieterOpie said on Jan 27, 2009....

  Well, for starters and since I am the new pope;  kissing my ring a lot.
  
  That out of the way those who believe in god may do so in whatever way they want.  The rest can take the day off. 
  
  OH... and never do anything to hurt another person.  And an end to war.  
  
  I'll add more as things develop. 
  
  Bless you, etc.  
  

• Fallyn said on Jan 27, 2009....

  hmmmm, church of peace and blessings?
  
  ask anyone, i'm HORRIBLE at naming things.
  

• PieterOpie said on Jan 27, 2009....

  me too.....   why do you think I asked you guys?
  
  
  

• Fallyn said on Jan 27, 2009....

  uh......not the smartest thing you've ever done? *playful teasing*

• PieterOpie said on Jan 27, 2009....

  You can't speak to the pope like that.  It's a sin..... 
  
  
  

• Fallyn said on Jan 27, 2009....

  and?
  
  :P
  

• PieterOpie said on Jan 27, 2009....

  Mmmmm....????
  
  Well, if there was a hell, and my new church does not believe in hell, then you would go there for having sinned;
  
  but of course I will forgive you because I am a merciful pope. 
  
   FUUUUUCK!!!!   This is more complex than I anticipated.
  
  
  But I still want to be pope and start a new way......
  
  SIGH........
  
  
  

• Fallyn said on Jan 27, 2009....

  *laughing* um...yeah...religion by definition IS complex.
  it has to be.....kind of like governments.
  

• PieterOpie said on Jan 28, 2009....

  Well, what do you say?  I think it's about time for a holy day.  I declare it thusly - Take tomorrow off.  I'll think of a reason later....
  
  Have a nice holiday and I'll see you after.  Oh....and I will hold audience with my followers then. 
  
  Eh...... how many members do we have so far? 
  

• Fallyn said on Jan 29, 2009....

  hmmm, me?
  i can't take tomorrow off. *sigh* sorry, i have kids remember? ...they have school...oh hated school.
  
  

• PieterOpie said on Jan 29, 2009....

  There will be another holiday real soon.  I just know it.

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