Happy Birthday to my oldest daughter!
I love you little one. You will always be my baby girl, my first born. No one can take your place. I wish you all the happiness you can handle. Dreams come true, prayers are answered and your heavenly Family, and your brother and sisters, and Dad and I will always love you. No matter what.
By this time, 28 years ago today, I was 9 1/2 hours into a 13 1/2 hour labor. I was young. I let the doctors push me around because of my age, and after all, I was having my little daughter "out of wedlock". That was still pretty much taboo back in 1981.
The hospital was still in the Dark Ages. Probably the only one in the city that still had many of the old fashioned procedures. They still bound my wrists in leather straps with big buckles. Let me tell you, that was freaky. They said it was to protect the sterile field. There were other things that they did back then, that they do not do anymore...personal things, which are better left unsaid.
Let's just say that I learned a lot, and none of my subsequent labors were as abusive as that one was. I would not allow those things in my life now. Right up to the doctor saying to me, "Listen toots, either we do this my way, or we don't do it at all." Now, or even a few years later than that birth...I would say, "Okay. You're right. Send in the janitor on your way out the door. I'd rather have him deliver my baby than you."
Some on the hospital staff clearly thought I should give my baby girl up for adoption. But I would never have done that. I think adoption is great. But I knew this little girl was a gift from God. Having her, taught me how to love. Loving my baby and knowing what I was willing to go through to protect her, well, it made me know what true love is. I would have died for her. Instead, I did what it took to clean up my life, take responsibility for both of us, and grow up.
She came out like a little cone-head. : ) She was stuck for quite a long time and her little face got so swollen the next day, right when they took her hospital picture. But her head was so small and perfect, that they used her for a hair washing demonstration for other mothers. They said she looked just like the Gerber Baby.
She was so tiny. Her long delicate fingers and toes were beautiful. We played eye-contact games in the hospital! She tracked me everywhere. It was so cool. There is no doubt that babies are brilliant. I had always loved babies, but she was special. Smart. Alert. Simply Beautiful.
She was a good baby too, but she was a fighter. The nurses gave up on keeping her little body bundled in the plastic bassinet. They told me that most babies like to be bundled, that it reminded them of the womb and made them feel safe. Not my baby girl. ; ) She would fight to get free of that "bundled blanket". She continued fighting and resisted being held too tightly her whole life, but, at the same time she always wanted to see me, and know exactly where I was. She let me know later in life that it was my place, my duty, to be close by her at all times. I did my best.
Life is hard. She got wounded when she was little. A bad man in the neighborhood hurt my baby. My husband and I didn't know about it until she was in high school. But parents can't be everywhere with their children, especially ones that fight being held too tightly. She made choices that lead her away from us, but we always love her. I used to sing that song to her, "You Can't Lose Me," and it is true. Happy Birthday Baby.
God helped me name my baby girl. It was a big responsibility for someone my age, to pick a name that she would carry for the rest of her life. I asked for God's help. I also asked God to be her Father, instead of the biological father that I already suspected she would never know. He just wasn't part of the equation. She was my whole world for a very long time.
I love her. I always will. We don't stay in touch anymore. Like I said, she went her own way years ago. I don't want to sully this Birthday Blog with anything that isn't pure love. So, that will have to wait for another day...if ever. I won't answer any questions about that in here, so please respect that. This is just my private blog, a dedication to my first tiny miracle, and I want to thank God for her right here, and right now.
Love, love, and more love...even now...
Truthsayer
copyright Truthsayer Media, January 23, 2009
truthsayer posted on Jan 23, 2009
| views: 514
Comments
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BBGood said on Jan 23, 2009....
Awww truth that is so sweet u really love her : ) and this is a sad blog and happy at the same time. Truth BE A WRITER U WOULD HAVE BEST SELLERS!!!!! ur good and also check out my new blog!!!! Its for u : ) haha but u need to read it!!!!!!!
Love BBGood.
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BBGood said on Jan 23, 2009....
Miss truth I have written u another blog!!!!!!!!!!!! -
anonymous said on Jan 23, 2009....
: ) -
truthsayer said on Jan 23, 2009....
Do I know you, "anonymous"? Just wondering. Take good care.
Love, love, love,
Truthsayer -
truthsayer said on Jan 23, 2009....
I read your new blogs BBGood! Thank you. You're making me blush ; ) Thank you for commenting. I really appreciate it. It seems that I have many "reads" lately, but not so many comments. Bit of a mystery. Hey, keep writing. You are prolific and Soul Cast needs prolific right now ; ) Talk to you soon. I'll be you make your Momma proud. Bless you BB.
Your Forever Friend,
Truth : )
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wombat said on Jan 23, 2009....
Just sending a hug and letting you know that I was here.{{{{{{{wombat}}}}}} -
fearing said on Jan 23, 2009....
That was beautiful to read Truth! I know how much you love your children.
Happy Birthday to your oldest! The are something aren't they? Meaning, the first child. The ones we "learn" to parent on. ;-) It's a pretty wild ride from the moment they take their first breath. Everything is magnified and fierce. And no matter how far they go, we love them just the same.
Hugs to you Truth. Love and hugs.
Fearing
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truthsayer said on Jan 23, 2009....
Thank you wombat. It does my heart good to know that you are around. Thanks for the hug too, I needed that.
Blessings lady,
Truth
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truthsayer said on Jan 23, 2009....
Hi fearing! Yes my friend, "magnified and fierce" are excellent words for what we go through with them...for the things they go through on their own. Yes. Perfect words. Thank you for stopping in here...and thanks for the love and hugs. Can't get enough of those lately, you know?
Bless you.
Love,
T
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PieterOpie said on Jan 24, 2009....
Does your daughter read these pages or is all that waffle for our benefit? Groan..... Perhaps benefit is the wrong word.
Personally I don't even care about your birthday...... let alone your kids'. SHEEESH!!!!!
But you know.... bless you and god be with you and if allah pleases and so be it amen blahhhhhh
MHUHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!! <-------[ VERY evil laughter ]
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truthsayer said on Jan 26, 2009....
You don't have to narrate your comments Pie (e.g. 'VERY evil laughter')...they're pretty easy to catch the tone of : ) However, the undercurrents are extremely interesting to "read". ; )
Anyway, yes, I found out in the last year or so, that most of my estranged family members read my blog. Most of them hate God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, faith, religion...no, wait, they hate CHRISTIANITY...not religion in general. If I studied and lived another religion, they could care less...it's just The Way of The Master that they hate.
Sound familiar? ; )
So you can try to rattle my cage...but it won't do you any good. I am unshakeable, and I am free...don't need a cage anymore, to make me feel safe. I am safe. I am secure. I am loved, and I am not mentally ill...at least not anymore. I could have been a candidate for it at one time in my life though, so I can totally relate.
My "meanest" brother...the one that has hated me since birth ; ) once drove me crazy and then, reluctantly, agreed to drive me to the psych unit when I had a "nervous breakdown" from being tortured by him and his mental illness for about three days straight. It was only an outpatient appointment and the doc told me that I definitely was NOT crazy. But my brother and his personal demons did almost succeeded in driving me full goose bozo too.
So I've been there and done that. It was just not a place that I needed to stay. That's why I am called Truthsayer, Pie. That is the reason. Not because I have something that you hate, that I want to choke you with by shoving my faith down your throat. It is because I have told MYSELF the truth, and now I have so much Love that flows through me, I can have all sorts of friends. Even athiest friends like you Pie. So, thanks for being one of my new friends. Take care buddy. Talk to you later.
Your little buddie,
Truthsayer : )
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anonymous said on Oct 29, 2009....
thanks lady. this is a nice post. you seem really cool. -
truthsayer said on Nov 04, 2009....
You're welcome anonymous. I am glad you stopped in. Welcome to my blog.
Truth
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