i was visiting with an old friend last night and we were fondly remembering old shenanigans and laughing at old stories when i said...remember that time at your wedding when i was a prostitute?
one of my best friend's ("k") got married a couple years ago. this was after my divorce and i was pretty newly single. it was at her wedding that i ended up getting paid for sex and obtaining prostitute status amongst our friends.
the wedding was gorgeous....the reception was open bar........
i was in-line for the food buffet when a very attractive gentleman in front of me handed me a plate. our eyes locked over the china. i inquired and found out that this lovely gentleman was a friend of the groom. the groom is such a decent guy ... this guy must be pretty respectable too. (never assume)
the reception started hoppin' and i hit the dance floor with the gals. i think i was gettin' down to tone loc when the very attractive gentleman who handed me a plate appeared and stuck to my side. we grooved together on the dance floor all night. when last call was announced the reception merely transferred up to the suite we were staying in (pool table, disco ball, dance floor, ballet bar, big screen tv, bar, jacuzzi tub, private roof top hot tub) it was bad ass.
the bride's father did a beer and pizza run and we kept the party going. the very attractive gentleman who handed me a plate joined the after party. with the party thumping below he and i headed up to check out the view from the roof... we also checked out the hot tub...i climbed in with my dress on! glossing over the details i'll just say that my dress did not stay on.
fast forward to next morning - i wake up and realize i'm running late to the wedding brunch. i rush downstairs to the dining room in my slippers and jammies and stop dead in my tracks when i realize two things....
#1 - i'm wearing slippers and jammies and everyone else is dressed up
#2 - apparantly the very attractive gentleman who handed me a plate must have assumed that just because i shagged him in the hot tub he was now invited to the wedding party brunch...because there he sat like a sore thumb beaming from ear to ear as he took another serving of quiche.
i tried to ignore the stares from the older members of the bride and groom's family as they took in my pj's, slippers, and hang-over hair. i was concentrating fully on my food to avoid the quizzical glances my friends were shooting between me and the very attractive gentleman who handed me a plate who i shagged in the hot tub.
after brunch i dressed and packed my suitcases and as i was putting my suitcase in my car the very attractive gentleman who handed me a plate who i shagged in the hot tub came running over waving at me and yelling "wait!"
me: "yeah?"
him: "well, i know we live two hours away from eachother but do you ever get down my way?"
me: "no"
him: "oh. well. hey let me give you my number"
me: "uh. ok"
the scene that unfolds next is priceless...
i'm agitated, i don't want his number, i just want to go home, he's digging around in his pockets for paper then he asks for a pen...i dig a pen out of my purse and when i turn to hand it to him i'm horrified to see that in the absence of a piece of paper he has pulled out a dollar bill... he takes the pen and writes his name and number on the dollar bill.
as he's handing me the dollar bill he says "make sure not to spend this one"
***gag***
i get in my car and drive-off and realize i need cigarettes...i pulled into the nearest gas station and spent my hard earned dollar.
