As day break comes and I rise,
No sleep again
As I rub my eye's
By now i should be used to this
I can't remember the last time i slept
I feel tired and sick and utterly wreaked
I climb into the warm shower
The water touches my skin
I want to tell the world how i feel
But how do i begin
I pull myself together
And feel better for a while
My make.up fixed, no,one will ever know
The truth behind the painted smile
But as i take on the day
Small things start to go deep
I laugh on the outside
But inside all i did was weep
Then one dark night
As i prepare for bed
Thoughts of despair were deep in my head
I couldn't face another day
I wanted to tell but what would i say
All i wanted to do was sleep
The torture i was feeling was much too deep
I just wanted the pain to go away
And finally it did on that long dark day.
See iv had 2 breakdowns now and i would say that this is one is the worst of all, you see i can strig sentances together i cant face my grand,daughter, i wanted to cry all day when i knew i had to go out, the physical pain im in is beyond pain, oh i had mad thoughts but i must have some strength as all i think about is what would my grand,daughter say or think, if she knew her granma gave up, up im not giving up, im just very ill and its gonna take more time to get better than it would normally would do, i dont think iv any more blood to give the doctors for tests , but hey there are always people worse off than me,
i saw pusscat today at her sister house i hugged her til she couldnt breathe and i gave her sister a gentle hug has she had just been to the hospital, it made me think to myself how unfair life is how cruel life is,but i guess you just got to keep getting back up and starting again but i know this time its hit me harder than its ever done and yes im im alot of pain physically and mentally, im due to go back to hospital next week so hope to get some good news then , im gonna keep reading posts and commenting but dont think i will do another post yet, read all about you lot eh, see you all soon xxxxxxxxxxxxx
