I haven't been able to log in here for the last couple of days and for good reason and the last post I wrote was not exactly what I wanted to write but I didn't want to think about it at that time. But alas, after so much worrying and fidgeting, I think I am going to talk about it here.

You see, JC and I slept together for the first time. It wasn't planned at all. {{yes, I know dear reader, that's the story of your life}}. Meaning, I wasn't on the pill, he had no condoms with him, and what else could go wrong right??? Actually the actual sex was funny if not hilarious, how I wish I could tell it to you now, anywho, but the aftermath is a bit excruating to think about.

However there are several things that I know:

• He pulled out before he came
• It took an hj for him to come after 10 minutes of pulling out. Yes, he has one tough peen.
• I got my period an hour after that.
  
• I got cramps the day after that.
• I have an irregular mentrual flow, so good luck with being fertile kiddo.
  
• I've been on rigorous exercise like jumping rope for 30 minutes a couple of weeks before "that" happened.
• I was consuming a diet drink with L-carnitine before that happened.
• Since I couldn't take the pain from the cramps the day after, I took Ibuprofen. Great, Jackie, how fit!
  

Actually, hours after it, I was still fine. I wasn't thinking about it at all, for I was assured that I did everything correctly. But I'm a girl, so I am paranoid.

I talked to several people about it, and most of them told me, well actually all of them told me that there was nothing for me to worry about. But then it got me thinking the what ifs of unprotected sex, well aside from the fact that you'll probably get sick, your whole life would change.

I'm 23, I have a job, I make a decent amount of money, I'm financially stable, I am responsible, and I have a degree. My boyfriend is now sweeter than ever, he actually wants a baby, and is always concerned for my well being. By the way, he respected my decision to abstain for this month so that I could have peace of mind. He told me that our relationship is not about sex. He fell in love with me, and that's that.

Then what's the problem? Actually the mom factor. I don't want to disappoint my mom. Period. But honestly, if mom wasn't there, I'd be like, hooking up left and right. But I love my mom, and letting her down is not what I have in mind.

Of course I want to have a kid, but not now. Maybe in 3 years or when things are way better or when I am a gazillionaire already. But the funny thing is, for a moment, I was happy when I think of what would it be like to have a family with JC. Wow, I'm crazy.

Work has been quite a roller coaster. A couple of days ago, I pulled a double-shift and it didn't help my anxiety either. Oh well. But now, I'm okay, after talking to my closest friends about it, I feel fine.

Valuable lessons learned:

• always have safe sex, and widthdrawal only counts when you both have discipline.
• if you are paranoid like me, have a condom or be on the pill.
  
• if not, regularize your period for god sakes so you can at least use billings.
  
• stop being paranoid, and stop researching the net for "facts", it'll only get worse.
  

Honestly, when I think about it, there isn't really anything that I should fuss about now. If its meant to be, then its meant to be. Though I'm 100% sure that I'm negative.

Just saying,
Jackie