the ferocious notepad strikes back.

 

moonriverandme: why?

whenshespeaks: i thought you were trying 2 get over that guy na?

 

moonriverandme: i wondered why i would do that. and why not. i'm on that stage. wondering.

whenshespeaks: there's such a thing as God's timing

 

moonriverandme: i'm not doing anything. he's not doing anything. ther's no "us". yet.

whenshespeaks: the yet  operative word.

 

moonriverandme: yes. yet meaning, i give time for what the LORD will lay out in the coming days, years..

 

whenshespeaks: you're not  doing that, you're opening urself 2 hurt

moonriverandme: how?

 

whenshespeaks: he's not at the stag thqt he knows what he wants na

moonriverandme: that is why no agreement. he has his own diskarte which i do not want to know. i have mine too

whenshespeaks: you're old enough 2 know what ur doing, but don't fool urself ha.

 

moonriverandme: so yu mean to say tita that i can't love him?

whenshespeaks: not at this point in time. move on with your life. accomplsh d purpose 4 which u were made, den God willing, who knows?

moonriverandme: wait, kasi parang.. can't i love him in the background, i mean, it's not the main thing if my life. if my heart changes after some time, i'm not gonan stop it.

whenshespeaks: you can but u dont want 2.

 

moonriverandme: that's right

whenshespeaks: i cant convince you, i know. anything i say, u can think of a way out. but remember that if that person affects ur testimony, it's a bad thing

moonriverandme: i think that the person is not the question. whoever may have been, i think i won't have a good testi unless I CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. yun po. but you absolutely have a point. you so read me.

 

whenshespeaks: just be ready to accept consequences ha. i dont want to see u get hurt.

moonriverandme: tita, mama set rules around me. i follow them. and i decide to follow them. no communication, no seeing, lahat. yun.

 

whenshespeaks: hope ko lang even in your heart you move on. please

 

moonriverandme: please be patient with me ha tita, i will say something. diba against such things there is no law?

whenshespeaks: that's wy have nothing against ur decision in principle, its hjust that prang i can 4see hat might happen e

 

moonriverandme: that's why i wanna listen to you. i trust how the LORD speaks through you. bt please help me understand.why not him?

whenshespeaks: not saying not him, ngaun lang, not yet him nor anybody. live your life for God muna

 

moonriverandme: So i will ask the LORD to take this feelings away?

whenshespeaks: it's not 4 him 2 take away, it's 4 u to give up

moonriverandme: so i'm gonna do just that? as in no waiting,no anything? kahit silent?

 

whenshespeaks: YES!

moonriverandme: and this will change me?

 

whenshespeaks: for better and will prepare u for God's best 4 u

moonriverandme: no other way?

 

whenshespeaks: NONE!

moonriverandme: AS IN KAH8T AKO LANG NAKAKAALAM? AHA KULIT KO.

 

whenshespeaks: As long as you're holding on to Him, lalo lang siyang di ibibigay ni Lord. Surrender is the key

moonriverandme: so i read from the courtship manual.

whenshespeaks: O di ba? 2 Chron 36:12 yata , iyong ayaw mag listen sa Word of d Lord

 

moonriverandme: was i that stubborn? maybe. what's the gist?

whenshespeaks: Medyo layo, kaya lang meditation ko is sumthing abt if we do not listen to Him during our quiet time, He will use watever means 2 gain our attntion

 

moonriverandme: so how must i pray?

whenshespeaks: Pray to the Lord surendering your desires and acceptin whatever He gives u

 

moonriverandme: tapos talagang suko na yung feelings? meaning, kalimutan ko na?

whenshespeaks: Yes, even ur dreams of a future with him

 

moonriverandme: in short, death? ok.

whenshespeaks: am confident u can do it 4 d LORD

 

moonriverandme: i know so too because there was one point (before all these happened) when my two feet were almmost out the door. until he came and pushed me back in. i can. it's that it's hard. and that i never learned to feel nothing for him.

 

whenshespeaks: am not saying it will be easy. it will b an uphill struggl, but by urself, d mo kakayanin. with d Holy Spirit, kayang kaya.

 

moonriverandme: last qurstion: Youre absoutely positively sure?

whenshespeaks: abotu what

 

moonriverandme: about this being the only way for me

whenshespeaks: as positive as i can be,

 

moonriverandme: can you please counsel him too?

whenshespeaks: about what?

 

moonriverandme: this. and many things.

whenshespeaks: awkward yata un

 

moonriverandme: he speaks to no one. 75% because no one thinks he needs someone to talk to.

whenshespeaks: but he should speak 2 his cell leader, di ba

 

moonriverandme: yes but i will not come to you if that had been an option.

whenshespeaks: if he'll ask me, i can tlk to him. kaya lang, if i will initiate, baka i cant kasi were not thqt close e

 

moonriverandme: just a hint: he's crying because he can't share all the rollercoaster fears with anyone. he envies me kasi i can have other shoulders. he does not have. he can't find it in pnald. but he trusts you. tita mils, medyo ilap na sya. but you can get through him. you're not even my cell leader and napapaamin mo ko. ahha.

whenshespeaks: i'll try to text him muna. i'll pray to the Lord to give me an open door to him.

 

moonriverandme: thank you.he needs help. probably as much as ido. thank yu tita. its gonna be so frickin hard. please bear with me. only you know.

 

whenshespeaks: i understand what you're going through. i know u know dat. abt him, he doesnt even reply 2 my txts

 

moonriverandme: minsan nacu-cut line nya kasi late sya sa payment. kaya no load. bt now may load.

whenshespeaks: ok, i'll do my best to put ur mind at ease abt him

moonriverandme: it's not that i'm so worried. i know kasi the feeling of being lost and so depressed and feeling both at the same time.

 

whenshespeaks: i know dat too. and during those times in my lif sa kin it was only the Lord e.

moonriverandme: we're back in this stage again, you and i. same conversation. thank GOD the LORD does not give up on me.

whenshespeaks: And sa kin din. God is that gracious. i know i cant stand were it not 4 HIs grace.

 

moonriverandme: Tita, nga pala, i decided to be silent about things muna. to say less words. para less mistakes and less pressure to update people about the happenings. yun. ok lang po ba yun?

whenshespeaks: dats wise

 

moonriverandme: tanks for the confirmationn. kala ko kasi im betraying friends. like the people here now. im not sayng anything to them. sana di si la galit.

whenshespeaks: u dont owe anyone an explanation it's ur lyf

 

moonriverandme: thank you tita. i love you. i will count it all as loss comapred to the gain of Christ Jesus and of what you say.(after you read this, i will hug you.)