What I really wanted to say was "crap"!
Sweetie and I are settling in to married life just fine. It's a little different to have him here all the time. He doesn't go home any more because he is home. ;-) I like it, just a little weird still.
The thing I'm bummed about is this:
After I sold my house in February, I rented a house that was originally for sale. The owners couldn't sell it in this market so they decided to ride it out by renting it for a while.
Since getting married, our plan as a family was to wait until May or later to buy a house. Just to see what the market is going to do, get settled as a family and Sweety has also just changed jobs. A lot of life changes for us. Rushing into buying another home wasn't a priority in the first few months. Sweety also has his townhouse he is planning on renting out. That definitely needs to happen before we buy.
We've even considered buying this house we are living in when we are ready. It is big enough and is in a nice neighborhood but it needs some updating.
In the meantime, we stumbled upon (on the internet) a house in another neighborhood that we both love. It meets all our requirements, enough bedrooms, garage, bonus room, big yard, good neighborhood, close to Scooter Bug's school, close to my jobs, etc. Plus, we found out it has been on the market for a while and the price is unbelievable. So unbelievable we 've been plotting and planning all weekend on what to do and whether to go ahead with buying a house sooner than thought. Sweety even called his real estate agent. We were getting excited!
We decided to go see it yesterday after church since we knew it was empty. We walked around the outside and looked in the windows. Fresh paint and new carpet. Another great surprise - one of Scooter Bugs friends lives next door. Cool, he'll have someone to play with.
We came home and brought up the tax maps online and low and hehold............ a woman I absolutely cannot abide lives in the house on the other side. UGH!!!!!
Hence "crap".
(Actually it's more like "crap, crap, crap, crap!")
So, some honesty......
Yes, it is true, there are some people I cannot tolerate.
Even more truthfully, there are some people who feel the same way about me. I can live with it but don't want to live NEXT to it.
Why do I dislike this person so much? Isn't it unChristian-like to feel that way about someone? Probably. I'm not perfect.
The reason spelled out? She was one of my best friends in 2003 while my husband was cheating on me and then left me. Then, she decided to cheat on her husband with a married man and used me as her alibi. I didn't know until later I was her alibi, by the way. She did finally share with me what she was doing and with whom. We were friends, close friends. We were always honest with each other so I told her in a loving way that what she was doing was wrong. I told her I loved her as a friend but I could not encourage her actions. I even tried, foolishly, to remain her friend. She listened to me for a while.
The man she was cheating with took what I said as a threat to their relationship, did everything in his power to undermine my influence on her, and ultimately won. They left their spouses and moved in together, later marrying.
She stopped speaking to me shortly before her wedding, though she did send me an invitation. I'm certain she didn't care if I came or not, but just wanted me to know. She has spent a fair amount of time in the past years making sure I knew how happy and successful she and her new hubby are.
I found out later why she stopped speaking to me. I heard from several people that she was saying some ugly things about me and the reason she could no longer be my friend was I "made her feel badly about herself". Wow. That hurt. Especially since I tried to be her friend even when I didn't agree with her choices and when her choices reminded me so painfully of what happened to my own marriage. I kinda thought we were grown ups and sometimes it is best just to go our separate ways. I guess she thought it was best to act like a 12 year old and spread rumors.
I'm supposed to "love" her and forgive her. I do. I'm past it, mostly. It still hurts knowing what I invested into that friendship. I hope that life turns out to be all that she wanted it to be. I hope she and her husband will be blessed. But, I also know to be careful of who my friends are. She taught me that. I've been burned by that one too many times. Distance is a good thing sometimes.
So no, I do NOT want to live next door to her and continue to make her
feel badly about herself. I have enough responsibility being my own
conscience than to be hers.
fearing posted on Jan 19, 2009
| views: 199
Comments
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diabolicdame said on Jan 19, 2009....
Even though the house is that great?? Really?? Maybe she's on rent and will move soon too.. or maybe you could avoid her?? No? I guess you dont want awkwardness to be a daily highlight of your days!! Understandable. -
fearing said on Jan 19, 2009....
Hi Diabolicdame! Sadly, she and her new husband own the house they are living in. I've given it some thought, because the house is that great and the price it even better but I really don't want to be in the position to have her in my life again. She is one of those back-stabbing kind of people. Life is just too short.
Thanks for stopping by!
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diabolicdame said on Jan 19, 2009....
Yep it is.. its not worth losing your peace of mind over. Plus whatever happens, happens for the best.. so I bet theres a better house for you in store!! All the best!! :-) -
fearing said on Jan 19, 2009....
Thanks Diabolicdame! You make a good point - a better house in store for us. -
uniquely-ironic said on Jan 19, 2009....
that is really the worst thing. To find something so nearly perfect just to have it fall short because of a problem that likely you will not be able to solve. I think you were a good friend to her, and she was remarkably insensitive to use you as her alibi given your personal history of being cheated on. -
fearing said on Jan 19, 2009....
U-I, Hey, thanks for understanding. I was feeling a little childish about it after I wrote it. I had prepared myself to tell Sweety I would even consider living there if he had his heart set on it. Guess what? He said "Nope. Wouldn't even consider it. I feel the same way about them (the ex-friend and her husband) that you do."
Hugs! -
Twylarants said on Jan 19, 2009....
Ooh, that's ugly! Someone used me in that way once but neglected to tell me. I found out when her husband called my house looking for her. I wasn't home and my husband told him I wasn't with his wife as far as he knew. She never forgave me for that because I was supposed to know somehow that she was cheating on him. Everyone in the neighborhood knew except me, so why she used me I'll never know. Anyway, he threw her out. Oh well.
I agree with DD, that house wasn't meant for you and your happy family. -
yani said on Jan 20, 2009....
yep! you should look at some other houses. It would not be good at all to be neighbors with back-stabbers ugh! especially if said person back-stabbed you already. Imagine waking up in the morning and looking out your window and the first thing you see it that person's face ugh! :) -
BBGood said on Jan 23, 2009....
Fearing I am sry about ur ex-friend problem u have going on ouch!
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truthsayer said on Jan 23, 2009....
Oh fearing...what an awesome blog. Relationships are so complicated. Especially for us. We have a standard that we are held to. You have held to that standard with true grace, as always.
I am sorry about the house(s). But like others said, there is a better house, a better home, that will be yours. Or, maybe that ex-friend will move on? ; ) Either way lady, you handled yourself well. I know how hard that whole thing was for you...and then to have your "friend" do the same thing? Grace. You're a class act.
Thanks for being my friend, and I wouldn't ever want to do anything that upset you. I am sorry that she did...glad that you have forgiven, and still...you don't have to live next door to the past. You know?
Love you, hugs too...
Truth
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fearing said on Jan 26, 2009....
TwirlyPants, Hi! I can't believe that happened to you too! What is up with people doing that? And why is our fault when it falls apart? UGGGGGH! I appreciate the support! Good to see you!
Yani, You are absolutely right - it would not be much fun to see them every day. When I see her, I'm cordial but I try very hard to stay away from her. It's just not worth it. Thanks for dropping by.
BBG- Hey! How's that cheese addiction going? ;-) Backstabbing friends are no fun at all! I hope you don't have to experience that in your life. Hugs!
Truth, You know how to be there for me. We do seem to be held to a different standard. If we call sin - sin then we're accused of judging. I was devastated losing this friend. Thanks for being there. hugs and love!
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BBGood said on Jan 26, 2009....
I did have some backstabbing friends in my life but I got over them, and the cheese addiction well not going to well I had cheese and crackers for breakfast darn lol.
BBG -
truthsayer said on Jan 26, 2009....
: )
Comment on "Bummer...."
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