We go through life in a calculated, inhibited, wary sort of way. We think about everything we want to say.. read all our typed out emails a couple of times before hitting send.. look at the phone for 10 seconds before dialing. After 'commiting' these acts, we sit and wonder if what we said, sent, wrote was too much or too little or right or wrong or unnecessary etc. We.. or atleast I.. generally spend some of my precious time in this vicious cycle of analysis and action and re-analysis.. and for good reason.. or so I thought! Afterall once you press the trigger, you cant summon the bullet back, right?
I've always been a spontaneous person and not really a worrier.. but I never realized that some worry managed to seep through anyway! I've only realised that now because lately I've been feeling different. I feel strangely uninhibited.. strangely confident. I dont think about things quite as much.. I send mails and dial numbers quicker.. I say what I want when I want.. and afterwards, I dont worry about what I said! I listen to my instinct and reflexes and just do what I feel is my instant natural response. I dont spend quite as much time worrying about 'if's and 'but's and things that could go wrong and good things that may not come through. Instead I fond it very easy to brush of most of my worries and just say to myself ' it will work out'.
I laugh more.. at good things, bad things, funny things, silly things.. mostly at myself! I tear up more.. at sweet stuff and sad stuff! I talk more.. and people that know me never thought I could talk any more than I already do!! I smile more and at more people. I find a lot of things to be thankful for on a daily basis.. I express my love more and whenever I feel like it.. if I care, I show it.. I dont worry how others may perceive it.
In short I feel free. I worry less and live more. This may be because I'm so mentally occupied with university application stuff that I just dont have the space in my head to worry about other things.. if I feel something I show it! It might be because I've been surrounded by the love of my family, friends and my sweetheart.. warmly re-assured that I can be as much of a maniac as I like and it wont change much!! hehehe.. I'm not drinking or smoking anything so that can be ruled out!! Well.. it could because of a lot of reasons but I'm certainly not going to sit here and think about that now!!
I never quite realised how freeing it is to not worry about stuff!! hehehe.. I'm quite liking it actually.. I'm going to try and not revert to my old ways!! Its good to be me.. I'm having a lot of fun!! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
:-D
