• nytquill17 said on Jan 17, 2009....

  You're not being a bitch CW.  He's doing his damnedest (though he may not realize it himself) to make you FEEL like a bitch so that you'll let him off the hook to go beat yourself up instead.
  
  It's a repeating pattern of thoughtlessness.  You've told him it hurts you, you've asked him to change it, in various ways, various forms of stating it.  It doesn't matter that it doesn't compute to him, that it wouldn't bother him.  He doesn't have to understand it.  You have told him that it bothers you and if he truly loved and respected you like he should, that would be enough.  But he continues to do what HE KNOWS will hurt you (because he has been told so!) because that's what suits him.  He would rather go on "not thinking" and just keep apologizing than actually change, learn to think ahead and frigging be nice to you.  And there again is that feeling...if he actually loved you, actually cared about you...he would try.  He might not make it, but he would at least try, and here he is not trying again.  Just doing what he wants and making you shoulder the blame for feeling hurt.
  
  I'm sorry, CW.  I'm angry for you (if you couldn't tell, lol).  I hope that in time there will be some kind of an option for you, some way out of this to get the respect and everything you actually deserve.  *hug*
  

• queenparanoia said on Jan 17, 2009....

  {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

• CreativeWoman said on Jan 17, 2009....

  nytquill,
  You are absolutely right that it is a repeating pattern for him. 
  
  I keep hanging on to the dream of turning my diabetic blog into a life changing opportunity.  It's happening, but oh so slowly.  Some days I just feel sorry for myself.
  
  Thanks for your support.
  
  queen,
  Thanks for hug.
  
  CW
  

• PieterOpie said on Jan 17, 2009....

  I have the absolute perfect solution for you!! 
  
  But before I tell you I must check....  is murder legal in your country?
  
  
  

• cuppajava said on Jan 17, 2009....

  Hi CW - I dont believe that you should feel sorry for yourself as i think you are an amazing woman who has accomplished so much>i have been reading your other blog as I have told you - it will take off - all you have to do is stick at it - that,and give your hubby a good solid kick up his ass !

• CreativeWoman said on Jan 17, 2009....

  PieterOpie,
  That would be....no.  So, that's not an option as far as I'm concerned. (I'm assuming you are joking.)
  
  CW
  

• CreativeWoman said on Jan 17, 2009....

  CJ,
  Thank for the compliments and for reading my other blog.  I will stick with it.  I have lots of dreams hanging on it.
  
  CW
  

• cuppajava said on Jan 17, 2009....

  All you have to do is to prioritize them and set yourself goals with timelines.If you dont achieve the first one in time - dont dither with it -move on to the next one,and you will get where you are going,all in good time

• PieterOpie said on Jan 17, 2009....

  I didn't expect you to kill him....  That's crazy!!!!  Hire somebody......  

• CreativeWoman said on Jan 17, 2009....

  CJ,
  I have been making some good progress over the past month or so.  I'm moving forward.
  
  PieterOpie,
  Hmmm.  There's nothing listed under "hit men" in the Yellow Pages.  (I'm joking, of course.)
  
  CW

• PieterOpie said on Jan 17, 2009....

  Of course we're joking....  hehehe..... hahaha.... hohoho.... 
  
  (check Craig's list...)
  

• CreativeWoman said on Jan 17, 2009....

  PieterOpie,
  I hear you can find everything on Craig's List.  lol
  
  CW
  

• woman said on Jan 17, 2009....

  What is more difficult than marriage? Not many things, and that is true for most of us. I'm sorry he made you sad CW.

• PieterOpie said on Jan 17, 2009....

  Excellent....  So you can find a new one there and lose the old one all in one visit.  Don't you just love the internet? 
  
  Make sure you get to try the prospective new model before you decide.  Once around the block at least.
  
  Good Luck.... 
  
  
  

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jan 17, 2009....

  CeeDub:  My heart's heavy reading this post...  On one hand, I feel that you deserve so much better and that you shouldn't stand for his years of thoughtlessness, but on the other hand, I feel bad for him because he's not going to realize that the greatest thing that ever happened to him will walk out the door until it's too late... 
  
  Fits the pattern of behavior, you know what I mean?  Since he doesn't realize until too late that he's made you feel unappreciated, he's probably not going to realize that you were the greatest treasure in his life until it's too late... 
  
  It's a sad situation... 
  
  I wish you peace of mind and steadfast calm during this difficult period.  I also wish you the steely resolve and the necessary strength to do what must be done.  I know that you have these qualities within you already.  I'm just reminding you is all.  ;)
  

• dailyachesandpains said on Jan 18, 2009....

  CW:  {{{HUGS}}}}
  Little D. was going on 3 when I signed up here...she's going to be 6 in a couple of months.  I've been reading you since then.  How long are you willing to live like this?  I'm so sad for you, I really am!
   
  I've missed you and I am so sad to get back here and read this. 
  {{{{HUS}}}}
  Daily

• MissMimi said on Jan 18, 2009....

  CDub, don't you dare feel guilty.  He has hurt you over and over and over with his thoughtlessness.  He obviously does not respect or care what you think.  This is on him, not you.  Honest to God, his behavior infuriates me!  You deserve so much better than what he has ever given you. 

• CreativeWoman said on Jan 18, 2009....

  woman,
  It is a very hard thing sometimes.  I've let it drain me and I need to snap out of it.
  
  PieterOpie,
  There's a thought.
  
  Grape,
  Those thoughts have crossed my mind many times.  My fate lies in my own hands.  Thanks for being supportive.
  
  Daily,
  It's nice to see you again.  :-)  Not so long ago I had a dream coming true for happiness, but that was shattered when I had my health challenge.  I know it is hard to understand why I stay.  It's complicated for me too.  I guess that's why I don't write about it much anymore.
  
  I'm determined that when I do go it will be on my own terms however long that takes.
  
  Mimi,
  He infuriates me too.  When I married him, I never dreamed it would turn out this way.  I was blind to all the signs of how life would be with him when we were dating.  I truly did feel special.  That all changed after the wedding.  I was too proud to admit it was a mistake.  I did my best to make it work. 
  
  CW

• Alyss said on Jan 18, 2009....

  CW how can this possibly be your fault? You asked for his help and instead he does something so hurtful that you can't bring yourself to type it.
  
  Be gentle with yourself please. This is not your fault.
  

• EvilTwin said on Jan 18, 2009....

  [Hugs] CW...  I'm sorry you are hurting.  I'm sorry it is so bad that you cannot bring yourself to write about it.  I really don't know what advice to offer.  Just have patience and take deep calming breaths...
  
  
  As Alyss said, be kind to yourself.  Do not beat yourself up over it.  This is not your fault.  None of it.  
  
  
  Take care of yourself, CW...

• wishyouwerehere said on Jan 18, 2009....

  CW - This made me so sad.  Thoughtlessness is a very difficult thing to content with - I used to try and swallow it, but I think it is best to let the other person know.  It gives them an opportunity to change their behavior if they really want to and it allows you to defend yourself justly.  Standing up for yourself and for the type of treatment you deserve is NOT being a bitch.

  I know what it is like to give up the dream of having children - my heart breaks that you share this experience as well.  I would encourage you to try to find an outlet for your grief - would you consider speaking with a therapist?  Your sadness is really very understandable - do it for yourself.  You are a beautiful person and you deserve to be happy - Wishy

• CreativeWoman said on Jan 18, 2009....

  Alyss,
  Thank you.  I'll try to be kinder to myself.
  
  ET,
  Thanks. I do have a tendency to take the blame for things.  He said he was sorry, but it hurts so much.  I'm trying to let it go.
  
  Wishy,
  I did tell him how it made me feel.  His response was to get mad at me and stomp off to bed. He thinks I'm ungrateful. I always feel like the bad guy.  Plus, he thinks the word "sorry" ends an issue.  It doesn't for me.
  
  CW
  

• woman said on Jan 18, 2009....

  CW~While I know that "sorry" doesn't really solve a thing unless change occurs, I do want you to know that some husbands, like mine, have mouths that are not capable of forming the words "I'm sorry". I'd fall down if I ever heard it!! And me? I used to use it as a mantra. That's no good either, especially when what you are really saying is "I'm sorry you are angry at me" Not that I thought I was wrong. Just sorry I was getting yelled at. AGAIN. I hope you are having a nice night CW.

• CreativeWoman said on Jan 18, 2009....

  woman,
  I do understand what you mean.  I say "sorry" even when I am not the offender.  Like you said, it's not always a good thing.  I tell myself that I'm trying to be the bigger person, but I'm really just taking the blame.  My husband does say the words. He thinks that is the end of an issue when he does though.  There isn't much follow through.
  
  CW
  

• BigDan7 said on Jan 22, 2009....

  Hi CW I have not posted on your blog and just happened to wander into this one.  From a mans perspective I see a very sad and lonley man that has become so self absorbed that he does not see what he really is a selfish SOB that will never change until he realizes how wrong he is.  That event is probably not going to happen in your or anyone elses lifetime.  Your handle is creativewoman so lets start creating.  Creating for yourself a life that is satisifying and fulfilling apart from the SOB.  Start with you and I am sorry it is the cse but it may be your inability to have children is not you but the stress created by the SOB that is a poor substitute for a husband.  I believe when men take the position that their wife is the most precious thing they have situations like yours will occur less often.  In my case I had a wife that was not considerate of my feelings our marrage that I knew was a mistake on the day we got married ended in two years because I refused to be treated that way.  Darlin he will treat you that way as long as you let him.  In your case the method to not allow him to treat you that way is found at the court house it is called divorce for extreme mental cruelty.  I hope you do start to build you a life apart from him and when you feel strong get out do not let yourself believe you cannot be happy without him trust me you can there are a lot of men that would fight lions and tigers for you.

• CreativeWoman said on Jan 23, 2009....

  BigDan,
  Thanks for your words of encouragement.   I know I have to be stronger and more courageous.  I feel like I'm fighting the lions and tigers on my own.
  
  CW
  

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