• Fallyn said on Jan 16, 2009....

  if you find out something similar from victor.....then you have my permission to kick all men in the balls.

• diabolicdame said on Jan 16, 2009....

  Yeah.. those ones deserved to be kicked!! Dont bother about it though.. atleast you didnt have to kiss this frog eh!! A friend of mine found out about a guy she was dating for a while that he was married and a father!! Then he send her some gifts and says 'So what?'!! The nerve I tell you!! Some men are just a peice of work!

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 16, 2009....

  Fallyn - I fear for men worldwide if I find out something similar about Victor

• Lucytorial said on Jan 16, 2009....

  You have every right to be angry, man I keep saying you're too damn nice, let me at em... I would have told him point blank that my morals were not about to sink low enough to date him a second time.

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 16, 2009....

  dd - I'm glad I'm at work or I'd have gone postal on his ass.
   
  Lu - I thought I was being scandalous dating several men at once, but he has me beat by a mile.  Fucker!

• Lucytorial said on Jan 16, 2009....

  seriously thats just fucked up in the head, not only is he a liar he also has questionable morals and isn't affraid to use someone for a scape goat, fuck that man, I would have said something.  why are there so many freeeeeaks?

• Fallyn said on Jan 16, 2009....

  do you know how many female freaks there are out there that would be just fine with that?
  
  that's why there are so many freaks........usually they find each other....and then think it's normal.
  

• Lucytorial said on Jan 16, 2009....

  Thats frankly the scariest truth I've heard in a long time.  Its like chics who complain about their husbands beating them, but essentialy like being treated like shit...

• silver_phoenix said on Jan 16, 2009....

  wow u-i! i miss a couple days and now there's a Victor you're into...geesh! i can't keep up with ya girl! maybe this guy you had lunch with was just living with the girlfriend, not really doing anything with her...but whatever it is i wouldn't think on it too much because you're not into him anyway!

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 16, 2009....

  Lu - wow, now you've added a layer of anger by you and Fallyn pointing out that he thought I might be open to that kind of bullshit!  Had I taken a minute to think about it I would have reamed him a new one, but I just wanted to get the hell away from him.
   
  Fallyn - Makes me wonder what it was about me that made him think I would go along with cheating behind his girlfriend's back
   
  silver - I happen to know he's well off enough to have gotten his own place if he wasn't doing anything with her, so no, he's trying to have it both ways.

• botoni said on Jan 16, 2009....

  Uni....It sounds to me like he wants his Kate and Edith too.

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jan 16, 2009....

  [wearing a cup]
  
  Umm...  Does this make you wonder about your "Normal" guy now? 
  
  What if the guy you went out to lunch was still living with his "ex" gf?  Would that make a difference? 
  

• rupert7 said on Jan 16, 2009....

  I really like Botoni's comment - very clever! The dating game is a jungle, your certain to meet a slimy  snake or two!!

• fragglesrock said on Jan 16, 2009....

  uni - uh uh no way ***fraggles shaking head*** unless you're packin' heat i wouldn't have said anything until i was safely out of his car...you never know when a wacko is going to go wacko.  i do have one fave to ask? if you end up on the mission you say...to kick every man in the nuts? i have two names i want you to hit first....and then...can you pleeeeease leave ben affleck's nuts intact? ;)  i'm glad you have victor to look forward to :)

• wishyouwerehere said on Jan 16, 2009....

  Ahhh Uni - better to find out sooner or later.  BTW - can you stop by New Delhi on your nut kicking tour?  I have a candidate who is really in need of your services.

• Hegemone said on Jan 17, 2009....

  Oh wow Uni, yes you definitely have the right to be upset.  Here you are being considerate of him, telling him upfront what your intentions are and even preparing to tell him that you're seeing somebody else and that there probably is not going to be much of a chance for the two of you to get to know one another ... and he goes and drops that bomb shell on you.  What a jerk.  On the plus side, you only had to deal with one lunch, that with the exception of the very end, didn't go so badly.  So you can check that ass wad off your list at least.   What a shit head though.  

• silver_phoenix said on Jan 17, 2009....

  u-i: well then you sure as hell have the right to be pissed at the guy!

• CayenneMan said on Jan 17, 2009....

  
  
  

• hotaka said on Jan 17, 2009....

  Don't punch me in the balls, okay? Though I might still deserve it.
  
  I think it was honest of him to tell you that he was secretly trying to meet someone new perhaps without his girlfriend knowing but it should have been soemthing that he said up front. On the other hand, if he was just seeing you to see how things went then maybe he felt it was better to wait to say anything. I don't know. But since you were not going to see each other again anyway it might have been better for him to keep his mouth shut, or simply to have said something right from the start, at least after... oh, I don't know. He should first break up with his girlfriend anyway.
  

• dyingman said on Jan 17, 2009....

  A proper cad wouldn't tell you at all.
  
  You told him you were upset with men that SEEMED normal and turned out not to be.
  
  Then you get upset when he lets the cat out of the bag early so there are no surprises.  (Not to say there won't be more, but he obviously isn't inclined to hide stuff.)
  
  You're out of line here and setting yourself up for insanity.  You may not recognize it, but this is precisely the behavior you asked for from a decent, flawed human being (and the few who aren't flawed aren't single.). 
  
  It's his GIRLFRIEND.  The "no ring on the finger" thing works both ways.
  Date him.  If he's unhappy, it isn't doing HER any favors to stick around.
  Don't sleep with him if you're worried about the cheating thing.  You might be accused, but you'll know the truth.
  
  *DM
  
  
  

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 17, 2009....

  bot - that's exactly what he wants!  Am I Kate or Edith?
   
  Grape - unfortunately it does make me wonder about Mr. Normal.  He'll unfortunately pay the price for this guys deception.  And yes, I do expect that if you're dating that you move out of your ex girlfriend's place.
   
  rupert - yes, I do realize I'll have to sort them out.  This just surprised me in a very unpleasant way.
   
  frags - PM me the names and if I feel the need to work off some nut kicking frustration I'll hit them up.
   
  wishy - happy to help in New Delhi.  I could probably keep busy full time if I put my mind to it.
   
  Hege - actually it was our second meeting, but yes, the principal that he drop something like this on me was over the top.
   
  silver - that's what I thought
   
  CM - sorry, can't see that here at work.  I F'd up my sound on this computer and they haven't fixed it yet.
   
  hotaka - weirdly enough I would have had more respect for him if he had told me all of this when he picked me up for our first "date".  Ugly honesty goes a lot further with me than pretty lies.
   
  DM - While I would prefer a non-flawed man, I think it's only fair to be upfront with your flaws.  I am.  But he did indeed conceal this flaw and yes, the girlfriend is the biggest loser in this whole fiasco.  She probably still thinks things are dandy between them.

• cntlvmenuf said on Jan 17, 2009....

  One day you'll look back at your dating experience and literary pee on yourself! Its just so amusing!!...I know its not so right now but these will be priceless down the line. 
  
  I guess he figured by "casual dating" you meant seeing anyone with balls, regardless of their relationship status. Thats him judging you by his own standards. Most people hear what they want to hear.....not what was actually said. ish!

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 17, 2009....

  cntlvmenuf - yes, I was beginning to see your point later in the day.  I guess I need to update my dating status to "dating with no long term expectation, but still maintaining a minimum standard of quality"

• satanz said on Jan 17, 2009....

  As the earths one and only non flawed man it sounds as though two people were cheating. If the man you like had done the same to you how would you have felt?Are you someones future ex?

• Psych-ed said on Jan 17, 2009....

  Yes Uni you have the right to be mad. I have few names for your "balls punching tour."

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 17, 2009....

  satanz - I happen to be someone's ex already, which makes it all the more important to me not to make myself someone else's reason to be angry at being betrayed.
   
  Psych-ed - let's add 'em to the list.  You never know when the mood will strike.

• hugecock! said on Jan 17, 2009....

  What ever gets you through the night is alright, is alright. I thought you loved me!?

  I love you in an ADULT-CONTENT SORRRTA WAY!

• FRIT76 said on Jan 17, 2009....

  u do sound kinda "lish":0}

   

   

   

  ( fight the anti pedo war on soulcast)

• hunta_boyce_chandler said on Jan 17, 2009....

  [[ I was going to turn you down]]

  >> I glad I read this first <<

  {{{ what? me worry? }}}

• QUEENandora said on Jan 17, 2009....

   yes, you have the right

• queenparanoia said on Jan 17, 2009....

  oh please punch his balls!!! dont forget to burn it and throw it away... oh wait... maybe he doesnt have balls after what he did to  you...lol...

• RollingC said on Jan 17, 2009....

  Yes Uni...you have the right to be mad.  Anyone that wants to start a relationship with a lie is just plain not worth it.
  Rc
  

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 17, 2009....

  huge - I have no idea what that means
   
  Fritz - thanks?
   
  hbc - turn me down for what?
   
  QA - thanks
   
  queenie - I'm actually glad I don't know whether or not he does or not.
   
  RC - I really prefer an ugly truth to a pretty lie

• SARAH_PALIN said on Jan 17, 2009....

  I think most of the world wants me, but they run to you. You had th right and you know it!

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 17, 2009....

  sarah - you can have this one back

• hugecock! said on Jan 17, 2009....

  Just because words were never used I thought you knew I love you, and you should want me too!. IT's ONLY CYBER!, BUT IT'S REAL TO ME!

• D6fer said on Jan 17, 2009....

  please don't punch my balls....that really hurts!
   
  could have he just made that up to make you think he would not be hurt by your decision?

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 17, 2009....

  huge - LOL Okay, so now I know.
   
  D6fer - IDK but from the tone, facial expression, choice of words, etc. it really doesn't seem so.

• uncertaingirl said on Jan 21, 2009....

  I'll hold him down... you start punching.  We'll decide on whether the other men need it as they show their true colours.  ;-)

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 21, 2009....

  uncertain - LOL you sound like my kind of friend.  As you can see by previous comments, there seems to be a growing list of men who have shown their colors to other women.  Could be a full time gig ;)

• uncertaingirl said on Jan 21, 2009....

  If we both do it part time... *ha*  I'll consider it my volunteer work and good work for humanity.  I'm sure men would be better behaved if us women decided not to put up with their crap (says the woman who occasionally puts up with crap).  My son doesn't act like a tool around me but I know he's a twit around my sister.  Grown up boys are the same.  If only I would learn how to not make excuses for them...  =D
  

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 21, 2009....

  uncertain - preaching to the choir girlfriend!  I am getting better at not taking crap and my son is careful to not let any crappy behavior get back to me.

• BigDan7 said on Jan 22, 2009....

  Boy you girls are bad hahahaha  the guy was wrong so why waste anger on him he is a weasle and probably was in the process of breaking up with the GF anyway.  He should have just graciously said sorry it has not worked out and move on.  No reason to drop a bomb on you.  I have in the past dated two ladies at a time but I did not try to play one off against the other.  That is what casual dating is about.  I would say you would not be lowering your morals if you dated and slept with him because you did not know.  You might consider his just living with his GF shows no commitment.  But again you never know what he might have given you.

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 22, 2009....

  BigDan7 - yes, there is that health issue that comes into play as well.  I'd almost rather have a committed 3 way relationship than have to wonder who else he's sleeping with. (or him wonder who I was also sleeping with for that matter)  I did end up emailing him and telling him I thought it best if we didn't see each other again.

• BigDan7 said on Jan 22, 2009....

  Trust me he is not worth the anger. In my case one was a school teacher and the other a nurse and one was available weekends and the other in the week worked out well and I enjoyed it. The nurse was just friends and the other you know. By the way if you decide to have a three way I am availabe (snicker hehehehe) Just kidding I think well maybe not

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 22, 2009....

  BigDan7 - Right.  I'll think of you first if that ever becomes an issue. (read sarcasm)  But you're right about the anger, and I'm well over it by now.

• BigDan7 said on Jan 22, 2009....

  I really was teasing but I could only hope to meet someone like you

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 22, 2009....

  BidDan7 - I hardly know you well enough to comment on that.

• BigDan7 said on Jan 22, 2009....

  I was mainly refering to the standard you set for yourself I dont know anything about you other than you seem to have standards that are good.  I am asuming you are a person with admiraable chacter and are probably a good looking lady. 

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 22, 2009....

  BD7 - well, let's not get carried away on the admireable character part! okay? ;)

• BigDan7 said on Jan 22, 2009....

  I have enjoyed talking to you and I would like to know you better say in emails your time apears to be pacific and I am in Oklahoma City, finishing my day. By the way I am an environmental engineer I own my company we build water and wastewater plants. I can compliment you in the sense that everone can stand a compliment now and then even tho we are strangers 1500 miles apart. I did mean it sincerely and hope it was taken that way.

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 22, 2009....

  BD7 - I hope to see comments from you in the future.  Your compliment was much appreciated.

• BigDan7 said on Jan 22, 2009....

  Maybe not always admirable and maybe about the same as mine you know sometimes adjustable with the ocasion

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 22, 2009....

  BD7 - Bwa ha ha ha @ "sometimes adjustable with the ocasion"  How true.

• BigDan7 said on Jan 22, 2009....

  I bet you are a fun lady

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 22, 2009....

  you have no idea [waggles eyebrows] LOL

• BigDan7 said on Jan 23, 2009....

  actually I have a lot of ideas :)- that knowing smile hehehehe

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 23, 2009....

  men are fun of ideas!  usually the kind that require everyone to adjust their admireable behavior guidelines. LOL

• BigDan7 said on Jan 23, 2009....

  Well since I have a reputation of being a man with admirable behavior and that is the truth I am not sure how to reply.  Since most of our back and forth has been tongue in cheek I would ask about conditions that would allow you to adjust your admirable behavior.  Me I have never asked a lady to go anywhere they did not wish to go behavior wise.  Big toothy grin enjoying our back and forth

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 23, 2009....

  I find that I've become less convinceable in my older age than I was in my youth.  Downright boring one might say.

• BigDan7 said on Jan 23, 2009....

  I too have arived at the point of being an older age (I solved the problems of birthdays by celibrating the aniversy of my 39 birthday) but I will always retain a more youthful expectation that ever day brings new opportunity and in the process I find I must be somewhat flexiable, still remining true to my basic principals and standards that has guided my life.  In order to operate today I do have to be willing to be changed to a certian degree.  The reality is that I only expect others around me to be open and honest with me not asking them to live by my standards.  I have heard it said that if we are not willing to change, still keeping our bassic core values, we will be left behind.  I have made adjustments in my life in order to exist in a changing world.  I know this is heavy I do try to get along by laughing at myself more than anyone else and allowing others to laugh at me without taking offense (well most of the time)

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 23, 2009....

  all very basic truths.  There's a poster I used to live with (it was his) that said "Change - either you're riding the wave of change or you're beneath it" that showed a surf sized wave.  Besides, change is not a bad thing as long as you keep your base values close by.

• BigDan7 said on Jan 23, 2009....

  You know when you have lived by certian base values it becomes so ingrained that you would probably hate yourself if you did not live inside those boundries.
  That is an indication to me you also have bassic values that you refuse to violate.
  This is much like a rudder on a sail boat you may go many directions but the rudder (your core values) keeps you going in the direction you desire to go.  I have dated younger in one case much younger ladies and have discovered I have fewer conflicting decisions to make if I date ladies closser to my age.  we all
  grew up (what growing up I have done) in a certian age that had standards that are different than todays standards.  That is not to say they are wrong just wrong for me.  I am a product of an age that did not move quite so fast.  My father saw changes from Horse and buggy days to men on the moon I am a product of the post ww II to modern times.  I am an engineer that has to change with the times in order to survive.  I simply find ladies that have similar standards as me like sex comes after the third date if at all.  Not because I am against it but because it is in my core value system not to do it that soon.  I have been in places that I wanted it very badly the moment I saw her but my value system said not yet

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 23, 2009....

  From the sounds of it, I'm probably a generation removed from you.  I was born in the middle of the 60s when bra burning and free love was all the rage.  But, I did have the benefit of a mother born in europe who held to her old world beliefs.  My Oma even more so.  I remember chaffing at those restrictions at the time, but now they are very good memories for me.

• BigDan7 said on Jan 23, 2009....

  I was born around the start of the Korean war and was old enough to apreciate the bra burning and no panties generation.  Personally I don't blam women for wanting to burn nra's and not wearing panties sounds like a good idea too (Smiling big grin).  I grew up in a small country town with about 500 population and that included livestock.  My parents knew what we were doing most of the time because the adults were tight they almost all were members of the masonic lodge or eastern star chapter and most all went to church.  Core values were important.  My dad would often say a man is as good as his word.  Business deals were sealed with a handshake and if you broke an agreement you were never trusted again.  I have taken those bassic core values and adjusted tham to fit my lifestyle and still have managed to be a fairly good person.

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 23, 2009....

  Those sound eerily like the conditions my dad grew up with.  It didn't stop him from making some doozeys of mistakes, but at heart he is a good man.  Just easily lured to do stupid things. (not saying you are)  Those are good roots to come from.  While I grew up amongst a big extended family, it was in a town a little bigger, but far removed from the "big city".  Now I live in/near the big city and I see the affect that growing up here has had on some.  Some manage to turn out okay, others seem to be terribly unanchored.

• BigDan7 said on Jan 23, 2009....

  It is strange that big cities have that effect.  I live in Oklahoma City in the very heart of our country but hardly a day goes by without someone getting killed we have drug and gang violence and all the ill of a large city.  Our metro area has 1.5 million people.  I really have often thought I could find a lady that is tired of the rat race and would be willing to move with me to the mountians near enough to have movies and nice resturant but out enough that if you wanted to run around naked no one cares.  I really want to sell my business and home and do that some day.  I just want someone that can live with me and make a pack that I will try to change to meet her needs and ask her to try as hard to change to meet my needs and the two tolive as free of stress as possible with two people living together.  Since we would not want to make babies anymore we can have fun anywhere we want swim in a creek running through our place i\naked and make love any time we want. 

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 23, 2009....

  I recently looked up the bay area population and at last count it was 7.1 million, which makes NY city the only more dense population.  It shows.  There isn't a day that doesn't go by where you can't find a death, murder, theft, assault, etc.
   
  Good luck finding that special lady.  It sounds idealic.

• BigDan7 said on Jan 23, 2009....

  It is idealistic but possible I already own about 250 acers in the Ozarks and I am looking at log homes that are log on the outside but inside finished like a regular house.  If any  of your California lady friends want to get away I am taking applications (Big grin)  So other than you and I going very far afield have you decided to not be angry (even th you are entitled) asbout a very thotless individual that does not realize what he missed?  Most thoughtles people aren't worth wasting a moment being angrey over their thoughtless words and actions. 

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 23, 2009....

  I'll let the ladies here know that there's a nice man with country property.  :)
   
  Yes, I'm past being angry.  I have put this behind me and have learned the lesson about asking more specific questions.

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