Cure for not being with the one you love? Love the one you're with.

So, I only hear from Antonio on and off, and over the past few months, he's made it quite abundantly known that he doesn't want to have a clear cut relationship with me that would disallow him to continuing sleeping with multiple other girls. While he's in another city right now, he claims to be with no others, although admits that when he returns to Shanghai, he will have at least a couple on the roster. Our two mindsets are complete opposite: he doesn't want to take any players off, and I want the guess list to have just one name--mine.

Where does that leave me? Well, since I've never been good at being alone, and I really do crave physical interaction, it puts me back where I started. Against everything that I really want, I think I'm just going to start casual flings up again. Antonio's not going to be back for a couple of weeks, and even when he is, I'm pretty sure he won't choose to be with me and only me. The only way I know to protect myself is to put some distance between us (goodbye horizontal and other positioned dancing), and go back to the old cliche "just friends." All the while, I'll be sleeping with other men because I can't do without that kind of contact.

And so, I fell back into bad habits today when I invited one of my friends over. Initially, I wasn't going to have sex with him on account of my period. He got to touching me all over, and I just got too horny and frustrated that his hands weren't enough. My period was just about finished up, anyway, and I decided to succumb to the lure of his dick. Even though I didn't have an orgasm, the overall sex was pretty good, and at least he came. I'm still feeling unsatisfied, though, and think I'm going to have to pull out a toy to aid me before bed tonight!

Right. Well, in conclusion, I would love to just be a one man gal, but I can't find that one man I care deeply for who wants to be with me exclusively. I'll just have to keep on reeling them in until I get that big catch! ;)