"George, will be passing you all a copy of a few photo's, please do not do weird things with them or you will be kulled from this process immediately"
George walks around room, handing out photos to each person, dubiously looking at some, winking at others.
What you are looking at is my friend Uni, she's a woman, as you can see she is NOT a child and does not look LIKE a child, although she likes to have fun do NOT think she is short a few brain cells. She has great tits as you can see, very well endowed right? she's quite womanly I know, her face is like an angels when she smiles and her eyes are quite stunning. YOU YOU OVER THERE, hand those photos back and leave immediately you have been kulled!
"See thats what happens, George does not like weirdo's and neither does Uni, when you start licking a photo you aren't going to make the cut!"
Uni has an infectious giggle, she enjoys a laugh but remember her sense of humour is ironic, not stupid, not immature, ironic. DO YOU KNOW what irony is?
**Hands shoot up from half the group**
ALL those who did not put their hands up can LEAVE right now, George escort these people out now.
Now Uni is very intelligent, if you have two heads she will be thinking and wondering which one to talk to and which one to tell to eff off in a very nice and charming way, so if you feel the need to share the following its best you leave now;
Anger issues, mommy reliance, drunkeness (every day is not good guys) have control issues, a superiority complex, no sense of humour or self deprevation in humour (In other words making fun of yourself) are utterly boring, flat, needy, inane, cannot hold a conversation, do not think George over there is a normal human being, feel the need to lie about your past, present or children, your height or weight.
Attention span is very important, my friend has passion and spunk! finding inanimate objects and continually focusing on them, creating stories for them, doing, saying and thinking weirdology (Hands down I'll get to that later) and a few OCD issues then you might as well leave the room now.
My friend is very generous, she has a deep capacitiy for love and tenderness, she enjoys the beach, she has deep emotions, a thoughtful mind, morals and ethics that she stands by, like any great woman she has something to hold on to when nothing else in life fits, she does, she's got nice bits.
**Hmm George there are a few still left** George arches his eyebrows.
Okay so finally you must hand over your lisence and explain why you look better in real life than on that thing, we want to record your height short people need not stay at this point, ohh sorry sir but really 4 foot 3 inches just isn't tall enough bye bye!!
You must also sign a waver form, in essence it states the following;
I (Insert your name there) am willing to be a part of a future that could contain but is not limited to sexual exhaustion, laughter fatigue, chocolate poisoning, caffeen poisoning, severe lack of sleep, weirdology training (with George here) elongated correspondence via internet blog sites whilst in the same room, getting on with children, photographic frenzies, op shopping and nick nack shopping, brain teasing, humour overuse syndrome AND maintaining your own singular life.
Ohh Just remember, her physical prowess is not limited to showing you just how much of a doofus you are, if you lie to her, treat her badly she can have you on the floor with your left arm up your ass, your right leg under your left armpit whilst giving you a taste of asphyxiation before making you run for your life out the door and down to the nearest church to pray for your poor, utterly fucked up life.
So thank you to those who have lasted this long, there is only one final test......
Trowsers down!
**Lucy runs to hide in her bathroom before Uni finds this post and smacks her round the head a bit!**
