I have been trying to hold up and hold tears back. I AM stronger now, so much has been taking place in my life, yet still I am here.
The pain is sill here, the sorrow and the guilt. I still cry daily, I still talk to him and question God. I still feel alone and I still miss him. I AM still here.
I still get crazy phone calls from in-laws, wanting nonsense. I still miss my step-children, as I cannot see them or talk to them. I still smell my husband standing beside me, feel him laying next to me, see him walk past me. I still remember so much... Conversations, trips, phone calls- random memories pop ino my my mind and make me re- live my sorrow. The children still ask questions and miss him. WE ARE still here.
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Baby,
I love you and I miss you so much. I have asked you so many questions in my dreams and you still have not answered me. I know you are here with me, I feel you and sense you. I love you for being the man you were, and rest assured no one could ever replace you. I have thanked you so many times, and I am grateful to God for sending me an angel, no matter how short your time was. You completed me and inspired me to be me, the woman that you loved. You have continued to motivate me, even in death, to stay focused and stay strong. You once said you never knew such a strong and determined woman as I, and I am slowly getting back on track. Please be patient wih me. I am getting there and I am still here. I am trying not to let the grief slow me down too much. When I see it get the best of me, I sit back and try to think of what you would have wanted. You would want me to be strong and keep my head held high. We miss you so much.... I love you.
