I have spent a big chunk of the last 10 years exploring the BDSM lifestyle, both online and real-time. I have been in two relationships which incorporated aspects of the lifestyle into our every day lives.   Three years ago, after a particularly bad experience, I decided it was time to stop playing and make a decision to either go full-time or quit. I decided to quit. For me, this was a huge decision, but I could no longer risk the public exposure that was inherent in some of the activities that I participated in. I decided to give it all up and become a good vanilla girl who would just settle down and find a nice guy to marry and have kids and do the whole picket fence thing.

I know! A bunch of people reading this are going to say "noooo! you can have both, etc." Somehow, my moral compass that allowed me to participate in the activities will not allow me to have two different men fill roles in my life simultaneously. And the men I was getting involved with were not *life partner* material.

So, off to my vanilla guy. Boy, do I pick 'em! First one was sooo vanilla, he couldn't even barely get me wett And I could only make myself wett by thinking of previous activities I had engaged in. Second one was nearly as bad and just was bleh in reallife too, so they both quickly ended.

Next stop...a one night stand while I kept figuring our what was going on in my head... Soo, here comes Aiden. A friend of a friend. A firefighter. A straightup pickup truck driving, good ol' southern boy. We hook up for a night. One night stand - we agree that it was good, but that neither of us are what the other are looking for.

Until the next night. When we hook up again.

And the next night.

And the next night....

You get the idea. Three and a half years later, we are still together. He is without a doubt the best sex I have ever had. We are struggling to build a life around that. The relationship hasn't been perfect and I won't try to say everything is amazing, but we get along, we laugh together, we accomplish a lot when we are both motivated in the same direction. And we love each other on most days.

So what is the problem?
I am a pain slut and exhibitionist at heart. He is not fully prepared to deal with that. In the past six months, we have started introducing new toys and activities to the relationship, but I feel like I am constantly pushing him to do new things that I want him to do. I buy a new toy or create a situation that is fabulous and he is totally into it --- for a week or so. Then we put the toy away and don't play with it again. Or we talk about how fabulous the sex in the foyer was. But we don't take the steps to make it happen again.

I am struggling with how to not feel like a needy slut everytime I try to talk to him about my needs. I am trying to figure out how to see what games he is interested in repeating. Which toys we should bring to the game occassionally. And I am trying to figure out how to have my needs met within the confines of our relationship.

I will not cheat on him to get what I really need. I will not leave him based on this, because I am the one who came into the relationship knowing that he was not a Dominant / Master / hardcore personality. He is naturally dominant in his daily life and he is very confident, but it doesn't extend to the bedroom games for the most part. I am fine with that. I don't know if it is because he doesn't want to try it though or if it is because he doesn't feel it in his soul.

I question this, because over the past 3 years, he has grown and experienced so many new things that he never would have tried 3 years ago. And for the most part he likes them. He has put the kibosh on me marking him with hickies or anything like that. He doesn't think it looks very professional for work. After years of giving and receiving visible marks, this is actually one of the hardest to deal with.

Anyway, I am thinking of getting my nipples pierced this weekend and he is completely on board with it. He wants them to be pierced deep enough that they are "functional" not just pretty. And I know he is looking forward to the day I get my pussy peirced. He also wants me to get a tattoo "tagging me" as belonging to him. He requires that I don't cut off my pony tail, and that I keep my hair blonde. He wants me to lose some weight.

None of these things are unreasonable. They are all easily attained within our relationship. If he would require more of me, I would give it. But this is the extent of his requests.

How do I fulfill the needs within me without offending him, cheating on him or leaving him?