• pusscat said on Jan 10, 2009....

  Hi there T's_Pet - good to see you :)
  
  I think you worded it perfect.  Direct and to the point.  It is a very interesting question, which I for one will be very interested to see the responses by our Dom friends here.
  
  One of the reasons that I think could be different with male Doms to many men in general (and I have only just thought this after your post got me really thinking) is, men also like to nurture and cherish and MODIFY things.  We've all seen how they swoon over and caress their cars LOL!  Seriously though, men do like to polish and mold things to their specific liking.  They modify motorbikes and cars, houses and boats, anything they can modify to their very own specifics, they will!  In some ways we, as their submissives, are also being nurtured and molded to their desired specifics.  When we near perfection, just like the car or motorbike, we are taken out and proudly shown to their friends or even strangers in a shopping mall.  "Look how beautiful she is!  Look how well behaved she is".  Our Doms are proud of us and like to 'show off' with us sometimes.  Maybe this urge to mold and modify and see the beautiful product at the end (not just physical beauty of course but inner beauty) is what stops them moving on once the submission is a 'done deal'.
  
  I really am interested in a Dom/mes's point of view.
  
  
  

• kitty_kat said on Jan 10, 2009....

  hey Ts_Pet, i totally understand this and agree with you. It is very different for submissive women i think, as by our inborn nature we generally think, feel and act very differently to men and once we give over our trust, our emotional well being is literally held in the hands of another. That is a concept that i still struggle with at times. As the old saying goes, "Love is giving Him the power to compeltely destroy you, yet trusting Him not to".
   
  Although, i think the D/s community as whole, from my personal experience has a much more of an open perspective and the dominants i have interacted with do indeed have the need to mold a submissive in order for her/him to appropriately serve in a manner that is unique to that dominant. Most don't actually want to change the submissive but have the thrill of watching the submissive grow, learn and adapt under their control and guidance. As you said above, 'molding' is the perfect word.  
   
  Like pc has said, i would really like to see a dom's perspective here.
   
  Good post hun, very thought provoking,
   
  kk
  x

• onlymimi said on Jan 11, 2009....

  It seems to me that many men like a challenge of obtaining something new.  It may be part of the problem we see in marriages today – that people (i don’t mean to generalize by gender) like change.  But in particular, i think men feel good when they conquer someone new, crave that challenge of seducing a girl and then might lose interest once the deed is done.  Does a man with Dom tendencies has different feelings?  Otherwise, we are at odds b/c if a man loses interest when we’ve submitted – what is the point?  He has no more challenge b/c we HAVE submitted,  that challenge is certainly gone. Are there new challenges he finds?

  I know a cedrtain someone with whom I'm going to bring this up, among other things.  I think somewhere along the way I've confused submission with subservience.  Taking what he will give me, leaving me to struggle with unmet needs. 

• pusscat said on Jan 11, 2009....

  Onlymimi - maybe it was fate that this post was created and you read it?. . .
  
  You know I'll be here onlymimi when you need me
  
  (((((((((((((((((((( om ))))))))))))))))))))
  

• T's_Pet said on Jan 11, 2009....

  pc:  yes, i like your thoughts about how men like to make things the way they want them, then show them or feel proud.  i think you are onto something there and i agree - we need some Dom perspective . . . where ARE they?
   
  kk: 

• T's_Pet said on Jan 11, 2009....

  kk:  love what you wrote and that quote!!! is ME to a T (sorry, bad pun).  i trust T  with my whole life, my physical well-being as well as my fragile emotions and my heart. i have never known a man who made me want to be there for Him in every way like this.  It can be scary alot especially when He isn't telling me things but it also feels so good, filling up a whole that was empty before Him. 
   
  om:  i think we know each other well enough to know the similarities and differences in our situations.  sending you a big hug and hoping you WILL talk to Him soon. 

• MoonLiteRide said on Jan 12, 2009....

  I suspect that ultimately a Dom will seek new challenges, new things to conquer as it were.  As you said, human nature paritcularly of the male of the species to some extent, and I think it only follows that particularly for Dom males that may in fact be the case.  (I suspect it is for me at least!)  This new challenge may come in new ways to have you submit, or unfortunately may involve a new submissive.  I think though that the good news (if there is any) is that this may take many years.  As a sub grows into submissiveness (as you say) so too does a Dom/me grow into control.  There are always more ways to Dom!  Perhaps this is fundamentally different than a vanilla relationship where a couple may only rotate between two or three different things when having sex or even just interacting on a normal level.  Sex is largely just that ... sex, but for a D/s relatonship there are many levels available, and a huge array of activities to be enjoyed and tried for the first time.  Besides, it seems that the truly imaginative Doms are always finding new things to do ...
   
  I think too specifically in your case T's pet, that your submissiveness is the "new" things rather than it being your Master in a way.  Yes, Master is new to you too, but it's the D/s part of it that is different and exciting.  You may youself find that in time a new Master could bring you different things as well though again, it may be years off.  For now though relish in the newness of all of it and enjoy it thoroughly.  Don't worry about the future so much.
   
  Finally, many Doms to like the control aspects.  I suspect often they may reach out and attempt to exert control over one who is not there sub and that may cause issues.  They are not (and should not really be) authoratitive over all they come across (I have seen this in chat rooms some years ago and it didn't really work all that well).  They too must remain as polite and as respectful as the subs they meet, only exerting mastery when it is appropriate to do so.  The tendency to control is there, it itself though needs to be controlled and applied correctly by the Dom.  Highly frustrated Doms may exert control where they should not.  More passive Doms on the other hand may not exert control sometimes when they should.
   
  Ulitmately, I think there are likely a number of Doms who would like to exert influence over more than a single sub, whether that is correct and acceptable depends on the situation, not solely on the Doms desire.

• T's_Pet said on Jan 12, 2009....

  MLR:
   
  Thanks for your response.  Yes, I suppose that part of what i love with Him is the D/s - i just don't see myself responding in the same way to someone else but you are right - this is my first experience with it so it would make sense that i find it so interesting and exciting.
   
  My question was posed more at others i have spoken with so the rest of your response may be helpful to them as well.
  T's_Pet

• pusscat said on Jan 12, 2009....

  You know T's_Pet, after reading MLR's comment it has made me think some more about this.  It could even be seen that if a Dom has a very varied imagination (pusscat has wicked grin on her face hee hee) and can come up with years and years worth of 'firsts' and new ways to do old things so to speak, then I believe that is the Dom that is more likely to remain with the same sub, continually teaching, and guiding instead of searching for the 'new challenge'.  The Dom that feels he has gotten everything from his sub in a matter of a couple of years, is going to look for greener grass but I do feel sorry for their subs.  Those poor subs are not going to grow as they could and should.  They are not going to pushed to be the best they can. 
  
  I wish there were an 'Imagination Test' we could give potential Doms.  It would save so many broken wings.
  

Comment on "Sub thoughts"

Currently tagged	relaionships D/s submission adult content (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment
	Comment Anonymously