Well, against better judgement, I decided to purchase a ticket to visit Antonio this weekend. I'll get there Saturday afternoon, and leave Sunday night. I don't know how I really feel about this, except for the fact that it could be a huge mistake. The worst thing for me would be to really fall for this guy, so heading up on the spur of the moment to see him probably wasn't the best choice to make. Having said that, though, we both want to see each other, so could it really be that bad?

I have reports due on Monday, and there is no way that I will be able to finish them with this trip I'm making. This little excursion is going to cost me pretty big. I just want out of Shanghai for a while, though, you know? Antonio makes me happy, and as long as we don't spend our time arguing or anything, I think a dose of him will be just what the doctor ordered! I want to just chill and relax, but I will have work hanging over my head. I'm going to bring some of it with me and pray that by some miracle, it will be done by the deadline...

On another front, I'm a little bit confused by one of Antonio's friends, Jeremy. He's always been extremely nice to me, but I thought that that was because he saw me with Antonio. There were a couple times when I went to say goodbye to him, and the kiss on the cheeks were placed a little too close to the corners of my mouth. I passed it off as him having had a substantial amount to drink. A couple of weeks ago, he wanted to see me more than Antonio did the night before they were both leaving town. Then, there were a couple of dubious texts. The first was about a week ago during New Year's Eve. He said something about our feelings being our secret, to which I replied that I had no feelings, and that this year, I was going to be selfish and not think about men. Then, just tonight, he was asking if we could be alone sometime for a little something something when he got back to Shanghai. I told him that Antonio would kill me, and I like being alive. I just can't tell if he's joking.

I guess that Jeremy has said quite a few things before that would lead to the conclusion that perhaps he has some feelings for me. But, I just didn't care to see it because he's Antonio's friend. He keeps blatantly saying how Antonio is just a boy, and that I need a real man. He also keeps hinting that perhaps the right man is in front of me, and I just didn't know it, all the while grinning at me. Anyway, I don't want to play such games. I'll see what happens with this weekend trip. Maybe it'll show me whether or not Antonio will ever really care for me; show me his true self... Or, perhaps, I'm just putting a little too much into a 1.5 day trip. ;)