• fragglesrock said on Jan 07, 2009....

  oh star...you poor thing. i truly can't imagine trying to plan for a baby and a wedding at the same time...are you getting enough rest? have you talked to your doc about the nose bleeds? it sounds like you need to rest and let some other people take the wheel for a while (if you can)

• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 07, 2009....

  Two big events at the same time is very stressful.  Like frags said, get rest and take care of yourself.  The details will work out.  Why not let your mom take care of a lot of the wedding details if you're not too emotionally tied to the event.  I mean, do you really care what napkins you use, who really shows up?  Believe me, it won't matter a bit.  You'll be focused on Phil and Remy that day.

• Twylarants said on Jan 07, 2009....

  How's your blood pressure, Star?   It might be a good idea to have it checked out.  Stress may be making it rise and causing the headaches.

• starchini said on Jan 07, 2009....

  Uni, that is just it.  I do not care about what the wedding is like.  I want my mom to be the wedding planner.  To me the wedding planner does the foot work.  I have a very BASIC idea of what i want, the rest i couldnt care less about.  My mother has a very special gift to make everything complicated.  This is my criteria:

  1) Outside wedding late August

  2) I get to pick the dresses

  THATS ALL THAT MATTERS TO ME!!!

  nope, im far too demanding for my mother.  She fights me on everything.  She doesnt like the colors i want and she thinks an outside wedding is rediculous.

  So we are already stuck.  She whines "i thought u wanted me to plan this wedding!" 

  im like "I DO!  I think my requests are very small in the grande scheme of things"

  So we are at a standstill and though she is very willing to help i feel im going to have to hold her hand throughout the entire thing if i want to prevent a indoor church wedding done by the pope with me wearing a vail and rediculous gown with bridesmaids that resemble little bo peep.

  Frags...I havnt had a chance to ask the doc about nosebleeds.  In my book its says the occasional nosebleed is pretty common.  I get them about 3-4 times a week.  I think its because of the super dry air.  Our house is heated with a woodstove and it sucks all the moisture out.  That combined with weird hormones i think is why im getting them so often.  I intend to ask doc about it but im fairly sure he will so no big deal and to get a humidifier. 

  to both uni and frags: Im trying to rest, im really not even all that busy when i think about exactly what i did on any particular day.  It just is so overwhelming. 

  I get up at 6:30 am stoke the fire, get ready for work make breakfast, feed the outside critters, commute to work and phil and i arrive at 8:15 am.  We work until 5:30 ish.  We run errands like groceries and things.  Home usually around 7pm. 

  I re-feed and water the outside critters and play with the big dog Kadie a little bit (she needs the attention).  Then Phil and I cook supper together.  We usually eat around 8:30 pm. 

  At that point we do the necessary upkeep house cleaning.  We have to sweep the entire house everyday.  It gets so dusty soooo fast.  Especially with phil carrying wood inside twice a day bark and dirt all over the floor.  So after our daily mess is picked up its already almost 10pm....

  C'mon!!!  Who starts tasks at 10pm??? 

  We dont...by the time we get done with the daily stuff at 10pm all we have energy to do is watch a little family guy and crash...

  Weekends are about the only time we have to work on the house.  You all know how hard it is to find a minute for your own plans on the weekend without people making plans for ya.  And when we do get a day for ourselves i fully admit it takes an act of God for us to get up off our asses bc we are so worn out from the mandatory things...

  So you tell me...when can we remodel and supply the babies room?

  Not only does that seem impossible, i cant imagine actually fitting a child into the scenery, omg....

  Im tired....

• starchini said on Jan 07, 2009....

  Twy, as much as id like to pinpoint it that easily im positive its not my blood pressure.  I have outstanding blood pressure.  I believe its 118/60...no where near high and a little below norm actually. 

• CreativeWoman said on Jan 07, 2009....

  I've never had a baby starchini, but it seems nice that you want to put the little one first.  Maybe get yourself a little day planner or even a plain calendar and set realistic goals for each week for both the baby and wedding preparations.  Make copies for those helping you and maybe things will fall into place without so much stress on you.  It's just a suggestion that I thought might help.  :-)
  
  My best to you.  Take care of yourself.
  
  CW
  

• woman said on Jan 07, 2009....

  Nose bleeds happen when you are expecting Star. I go them all the time. You are in serious nesting mode and that's just as it should be. Just seems other people don't understand that. Your mom  wants your wedding to be everything she ever dreamed it would be for you. Remember, YOU are her baby. 4 months will go quickly but that will be enough time to prepare for clothing, furniture etc. As people see you growing they will become more focused and buy you things and you will no doubt have a shower or two. The only concern is getting that room ready. It sounds like it might take a little bit of time. If Phil is working on it this weekend everything should be good there too. Please leave the house as your mom says, dust, drywall, and later on paint, is not good for you or the baby.  You'll be ok honey. Are you keeping a journal about all of this? (other than  SC!) It would make for interesting reading after your sweet baby is born.

• vacantmind said on Jan 08, 2009....

  You have time to plan for Remy. The end of the year donations came in to the thrift stores. Maybe you can swing by Salvation Army after you shop for a wedding dress. You might be able to find a few things for little one and it will help with that nesting instinct that is kicking in full force.
  A wedding and a baby in a matter of months has got to be stressful. You have your priorities straight though. Focus on you and the baby, the rest just doesn't have the same importance.

• diabolicdame said on Jan 08, 2009....

  That sounds very stressful star!! Try and relax ok.. I think its important in all this that you dont forget to stay happy and cheerful. It sucks that you're in pain.. and I understand how you want to concentrate on the baby rather than the wedding.. I guess you'll just have to meet your family halfway here though.. its not worth the stress!! Wish you lots of luck with everything.. I know it seems unlikely but I'm betting you'll be ready for little remy when he gets here!!   :-)

• cuppajava said on Jan 08, 2009....

  Hi Star - while i believe that trying to plan both a wedding and a baby at the same time is a bit of  a large task - i dont want you to give up hope.I agree with you that the baby should come first - but i think your mom has a point about getting a nice fitting size dress,that makes sense.But i think that your mom forgets that it is YOU who is having the baby and it is YOU who is getting married.take out a piece of paper and write down a list of priorities that YOU think need doing first.Just keep your head up and you'll be ok.
  By the way,coming from the building industry myself - i agree that being around the house when Phil is tearing down the place,is a definite no no for you.As much as you wanna help,or be there - it is not a good idea,for either you or the baby
  

• starchini said on Jan 08, 2009....

  CW, i am the planner queen.  However i hadnt thought of copying my planner and passing it out to everyone involved.  Good idea, thanks : ) 

  Woman, nesting mode?  It doesnt feel like nesting.  I heard nesting was when the momma goes absolutly bonkers with the mop and broom and nothing is ever clean enough?  Well, cleanliness isnt the priority at the momento.  hmm...now that i think about it though, our home has been cleaner than usual.  Im just trying to make better habits pick up after myself etc.  2 baby showers?  lol, doubt it.  I think the baby shower would be a success if i was to plan it.  However my mom is gonna do it, so im worried.  Plus, i think shes planning on having it late april...So if i wait to buy things until i find out what my gifts will be ill have like a week to prepare!!! eek...breathe, ok your right though, we can git r done : )  Oh and soulcast is the only journal i have : )  Thanks Woman

  Vacant...as much as I love bargain shopping.  I am doubtful ill feel very good about myself if everything Remy has is used and in some other kids memories, ya know?  As far as clothes and misc things im definitly gonna hunt for at the good will.  Babies grow so fast and are so messy it would be silly to look for new clothes. But the big ticket items, like cribs, and swings and thinks, i would really prefer to have new.  I spose it all depends on what i can afford when it comes...(sigh)

  Diabolic ok, i will try to relax and be cheerful : )  I too hope im worrying over nothing at all.  And when May rolls around ill be twiddling my thumbs doing jumping jacks : P 

  Cuppa,  your right i do need to get a list of "To Do" going.  I write them and do the first thing on the list and then the list gets washed or lost and then i go by memory and so on...Usually the list is hard to stick to.  What sucks is that most of the stuff that needs done i cannot do and must rely on Phil.  Hes worse than I am about getting things done.  Hopefully it will all come together though.  My mom has already got me scheduled to go to Sioux City with her and go dress shopping while Phil works on drywalling Remy's room : )  I guess at David's bridal all week is $99.00 dress days.  So hopefully ill get a good deal : )

• vacantmind said on Jan 08, 2009....

  I actually bought a used crib set because newer cribs emit formaldahyde (sp?). I didn't know that until a few months ago. I couldn't really afford a solid wood crib new. I did find a really nice set on Craigslist.
  There are some things that I will buy new; like his comforter set is new and car seat. But, clothes I am buying mostly used since he will only be in them for a couple of weeks to few months.
  Remy will make his own memories...when he laughs the first time, smiles, cries, etc. The things that surround him won't hold the importance that the moments you will share with him. Don't worry about if its new or used.
  Good luck on the dress shopping. I am only a few weeks ahead of you in this pregnancy and I can't imagine shopping for a wedding dress right now. My belly is getting so big!

• Hegemone said on Jan 08, 2009....

  Star, I agree with what others have said, use lists and planners.  This way you'll feel organized and you'll be able to feel that little up surge when you get to check/cross things off that are taken care of.  You'll be able to de-stress a little.  If you're worried about losing a To Do list, make a spot in the house somewhere that it stays and you just check in with it periodically as you're passing through. 
  
  So far as the wedding/baby planning, I do admire you for thinking of that little one so much.  It really shows you have tons of promise for being a mother since you're putting baby first.  In as far as your mother, I do have one question ... the things she's helped with in the past (whether it related to you or not) such as parties or other events ... how did they turn out?  Were they what whomever wanted, or close enough anyway?  Were there major problems?  I'd say if, upon thinking back on them, you realize that everything went fairly well, don't spend too much time worrying.  Even though you don't 100% feel like looking for a dress as opposed to baby shopping, look at it this way ... it will be one thing out of the way and you'll get to pick the dress you want.  Then you can point out some styles for brides maid dresses that you like so she'll have a direction to go in as well.  This way you won't have to stress over this as much.
  
  I've got to admit, either way, you're still handling all this pretty well.  I mean, look at it ... you're having a baby and you have to prep for him ... you're getting married and you have to prep for that ... you're remodeling/fixing up the house ... doing your daily tasks AND you're pregnant.  That's a lot to juggle, and while you feel pretty darned tired, I admire you for keeping on going.  Don't feel guilty for the times you decide to just plop down and relax for a good long while either, you need those times or else you probably would be going crazy right now.  I hope all of it works out for the best!
  

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