I'm tired of people describing me as a "very nice girl." Who the hell really cares how nice I am? Does it keep me from being single? Does it encourage a guy to fall in love with me? Hell, no!

Antonio's friends, who I speak to on and off, all tell me how nice they think I am. Do they not know that to some, that is a direct reference to how ugly they think one is? So, if I'm very nice... Shit, that doesn't translate well in terms of beauty! I guess it's a good thing that I've never planned on getting married. Still, it's not like I want to be alone for the rest of my life, either. :P

Anyway, I think they feel sorry for me--Antonio's friends, that is. They tell me that they love me (as a friend-- it's the Latin American talking), but they just can't understand why Antonio doesn't see what they see. There's a strong connection between Antonio and I that nobody can deny; it's just hard to determine for all exactly why we're not together together. According to a chat with Jason tonight (one of Antonio's friends), everyone thinks that Antonio and I have a boyfriend/girlfriend status anyway. It's true that we act like that sometimes, but I swear that it's because we're just really close friends. I really do hope that I'm not in denial or anything.

Jason thinks I've fallen in love with Antonio. I assured him that although I do love Antonio, I'm not in love with him. Yes, it's a mighty fine line. Who knows, maybe I'm kidding myself. I do like him a lot. But, there is no future. Yet, we're still sleeping with each other and whoever knows who else. How messed up is that? How can you love someone and casually sleep with him/her and others, without forming any other emotional attachments? With extreme difficulty, that's how. Well, if it's possible...