i am generally a very paranoid person. But this time im sure its not just me. my best friend  has been there for me for over 3 years, and ive always supported her as well.

and so this is where it begins...

she introduced me to my very first boyfriend who i was with for two years. i foolishly broke up with him because one of my guy friends showed affection for me and i thought i liked him too... and my best friend encouraged me to take the chance. i left my wonderful first boyfriend in the peak of our relationship and i hurt him and myself dearly inside. but my best friend told me that it was part of life.. and at this time i was VERY dependent on what she said and i basically followed her every whim....... then the unimaginable.. the next week after i left my first boyfriend she told me 'you know i actually was starting to like him'    :'(   ouch.

.......i was together with my other guy friend for about a month when he suddenly decided to not like me anymore. he didnt even tell me, he just started ignoring me and rejecting my every move.. it hurt alot.. i did some pretty bad things to myself because i was in so much emotional pain... i had left my first/best boyfriend for him and now he was leaving me. -sigh-

while all this was happening my OTHER guy friend decided he would help me. and he began to show the kindness i was desperately searching for.. we went out for half a month.. that breakup hurt alot too..

while i was going out with my other guy friend i had found out that my first boyfriend had moved away. and i was devastated. for a year i was living in hell, i was broken and alone and it just seemed like my best friend was happy to have me all to herself...
but then he moved back. every time i saw him my heart would beat fiercely and i felt so happy. i KNEW i had to try to get him back.. he was my life, and i wanted it back

the next day he moved back my best friend knew i wanted to get back with him and when we both saw him walking she said  "oh look there's Trenton, i should go hit on him"
the feeling i had in my stomach when she said that... i wanted to take her out... my own best friend, i wanted to rip her apart and... well.. i think ill leave violence out of this story....

a few weeks later i told him how i felt and he forgave me and took me back. my life was back. i was so happy...

but now some things are happening that im not sure what to think..
me, my boyfriend, and my best friend all hang out together and watch movies at her house sometimes, and i sit by him and hold his hand and it's all okay...

but yesterday we watched a movie at my house and me and him sat on my bed and she sat in my chair... ill admit i was not in a good mood.. i dont ever seem to be when their close together....
but he decided to lay down on my bed and because he is very tall his feet hang off the end.. at this time i had moved to sit on the floor.. and she kept poking his feet and he would kick because he's ticklish, and then.. i noticed she softly grabbed the top part of his foot and sort of.. idk stroked? it for just a second...

i really just wanted to puke. i dont know what it was..
but i know i didnt like it..

what also bugs me is she has been a vegetarian for over 2 years, and my boyfriend never has been. but now all the sudden he decides he is.. but he told me it wasnt because she is, he said he didnt have a reason as to why he is...
and also yesterday we were hanging out and we were playing truth or dare (lol) and he asked her who she liked like two times and she always replied 'secret'    >:(

he tells me he loves me and it feels like he really means it and i KNOW i love him, he is my everything. i simply cant stand being away from him even though he lives right down the street

...but i cant tell if my best friend is trying to take him from me
im not even kidding when i say this. but she is THE most persuasive person ive met in my life. and i KNOW she could alter his thoughts of me, i KNOW that she can make him see my faults and make them prominent...
..i know this because its what she did to me

i want to find out if she likes him. but i know she'd never tell me
and i want to tell her to just back off. but i just cant. im too... weak.. afraid

i just CANT lose him again. it would kill me.. he IS my everything, he makes me so happy, without him i get so depressed and do drastic things to myself that i later regret

i dont know what to do...   :'(