[crickets chirping....]
[crickets chirping...] Finally some stillness...Happy New Year friends at Soulcast!
Well it has been quite some time that I have posted...thanks to all for your Pm's, cards, emails...yes, yes, we are all fine here!! It has been a roller coaster of a holiday season. Let's get cozy and I will fill you in. Coffee?
My daughter came home for T'giving from her first semester at college...she came in 9 foot tall and bullet proof as they say. I had to pull her hair to remind her that she does not party here 24/7, and that she does not get to leave on a Monday and return on a Wednesday. Oh and she is madly in love. According to her, this BOY is an engineering student, a bass player in a band, loves skiing and family AND loves Jesus. I know this because he wears a cross around his neck, a LARGE one, as though he is loud and proud to proclaim the word.
I was intrigued....and in all her happy trails with him over that break, I like him! I was helping her figure out how her own roommate situation got off track, but I suspect it has to do with her new love affair and the time commitment that she gives this BOY. She was off and running over T'giving until I complained loudly. Oh, and she told me that when she fights with her roommate that she sometimes storms out and then goes and stays with BOY for three or four nights. Strike One. I pray and pray and pray and I realize that she is on a path of learning and that I must trust her basic sensibilities. um, ok. BOY supports never speaking to roommate/former best friend ever again....um, not sure if I like BOY so much. But I am willing to try. God is teaching me and I am going to let the Holy Spirit lead me as I parent and learn to let go....it is a flame that is testing me...
Christmas break has been a great big cluster-f***, may I say that? Aside from picking up daughter with a pretty serious bladder infection, she also has a rash on her belly that concerns me. I spend the night up at college and drag her into my hotel to study for her last final...a final she HAS to pass to save the course from an F. This from a kid who was straight A's in HS and was a perfectionist in her studies. I begin to suspect that BOY has a dorm room far away from this class, and that perhaps he has discussed with her that just passing is adequate. She is overwhelmed, teary, tense and kinda weird. I am concerned that this college experience is too much for her.
The rash gets larger on her belly and more painful. On Christmas Eve we are taking her (in tears) to the ER. It is shingles/chicken pox virus, likely from nerves....maybe my mom-radar is on target. I have got to help my baby girl. She may be in a crash and burn and I cannot let that happen....but somewhere I am also thinking that this is her path and her learning and that I just need to pull her hair to take better care of herself.
Christmas plus two days later...she is feeling better and is out with BOY. She texts me to see if they and another couple can come by to hang out and play cards. SURE, love the idea. Well, she shows up with a crowd of ten and I say what's up with you all and she just says, oh we are hanging...ok. (come Holy Spirit, give me patience)...by midnight, the doors are slamming and people are whooping it up and I wander into my family room to find people making out, everyone has three beers in their hands and there are sleeping bags all over the fam room...I ask BRAT what is going on and she says...oh, I asked you if they could stay and you were cool with it.
I suspect she has a mental illness because this never took place. Now mind you, I may have not minded if she asked...but ya know.
So at three thirty in the morning with the whooping at an all time new level, I take keys, I turn off lights and I threaten bodily harm to all involved. As I walk away, BOY says...uh-oh, is your mom pissed? WELL, SHE'LL GET OVER IT!
Um, DON'T YOU TELL ME, BOY!!!!!!!!!! Strike two. We have teens sleeping all over our house in the morning and as is our practice, we get a cup of coffee and go to try to reason with these morons. I walk into my daughters room, only to find the two of them in her bed. STRIKE THREE, FOUR AND FIVE! Now I realize that he is a fraud, and worse, so is she. My mommy radar is all berserk. Help me Lord, I am getting wind-burn from your teaching me....
For the following couple of days I catch loving daughter in so many lies and she is never where she says she is. She IS however always with BOY. The roommate thing is still unresolved and other girlfriends seem to be taunting her. I watch with anxiousness. This is not what I had in mind for Christmas.
In the meantime, my nephew and niece are here from Cali. My nephew has AWAKENED to Christ, if you know what I mean. It is a miracle and he spends his entire time thus far, engaging his dad into some sort of awakening...I have shed tears of joy hearing of the changes that God has instilled in their hearts. Although I am hoping to join in, I am happy just to see that they have started a new relationship. My bro has been "dead" for so long it is as if Lazarus has been revived. I say this, because in his awakening, he returned to his church after 12 years! Unfortunately, the priest who sat with my nephew and my bro, said that it seemed too late for him to return to the catholic church...that bro seemed ambivalent...unfortunately, Jesus was not at home in that church that day.
They went to another church. This priest answered "welcome home, prodigal son, you are home now and can rest here". That is when "Lazarus" stood up and walked!!! I am overjoyed. The flame of the Holy Spirit gave our whole family LIGHT! However that plays out is so wonderful, and I hope I get to see it! I may even get a brother back in my life!!
New Year's Eve, we enjoyed a small party at my girlfriends house. We all have college students so we shared all our stories and made plans to support each other this next semester no matter what. I had a great time and enjoyed a whole day of football yesterday....daughter? Oh she was out with BOY, all of New Years and all day yesterday. It is awkward when he is here and although I feel sorry about that, I haven't a clue how to change how I feel.
Roommate is still not answering text or emails...my daughter wants to move out and move on. Is she forging a new trail with God in the lead, or is she running yet again? The rash is till there because she knows better than the Dr's and took 4 of 7 days of meds...there is a bump on her ear lobe that I swear is MRSA....my anxiety levels are HIGH.
The boyfriend is in control of this relationship....gag.
I am at the Mercy of the Holy Spirit who has chosen to light me up this holiday season and I have been afire....the blaze has me sunburned, wind-burned and seeing clearly things that I would prefer to not see.
I am in a blaze.
But is it a blaze of glory?
