Just over a year ago, I met Oliver. My first impression of him was that he was quite slimy and perverted. As I got to know him, I saw how right I was!

Alright, so perhaps his player-like qualities were more of a front. One night, his hot water was cut off, and he took a shower at my place. Cliche "one thing led to another," and that's how it all began. He got extremely comfortable around me incredibly quickly, making me a little put off and apprehensive with the whole deal. I had made it quite clear from the beginning that I didn't want anything serious. I just wanted some casual fun. He said that it was fine, and that any building feelings that he was starting to have, he would squash. Well, we all know that that never works...

Months later, and many "I love you" and "No, you don't" 's later, I decided that I had to cut him off. It was much easier said than done, however. No amount of talks or reasoning really worked. I was blunt, I was subtle; but no matter the method, the message didn't get through. I was so glad when summer finally approached, and I reiterated to him over and over for a month before leaving that things would be different when I returned. We would have to cut out the physicality between us, and just have a normal friendship. He thought I was just kidding, and wasn't at all receptive to the idea when I got back to Shanghai in August. A couple of months later, more awkward moments brewed between us.

He was so attached to me, willing to do anything and everything for me, but I couldn't do it. Massages, dinners, movies, taking care of me: all would have been second nature to him, and he would have gladly done without hesitation, but I couldn't accept it. It would have been so easy to just use him for whatever he wanted to give me, but it just went against every moral fibre of my body. Oliver treated me really well, wanted to be with me, but neither my heart nor my mind wanted to be with him.

I urged him to meet other girls, and to look for someone who had potential to him. I cut myself out of the equation, started giving him tips, and encouraging him to find someone who could reciprocate his love. Last month, he found a woman who seemed to really match him. At the start, he kept comparing her to me, and he would complain that she wasn't "this way" or "that way." I kept telling him that he should just look at what qualities she did exhibit that he liked, and work from there instead. Eventually, he understood my words, and tried to apply them to his relationship.

Currently, he's on a trip that he originally booked for the two of us six months ago. He has taken his new girlfriend on this vacation instead, and I couldn't be happier for him. The two complement each other, and I'm sure that the wayward reminiscent glances that Oliver occasionally casts my way will soon be a thing of the past. For now, it seems that he's gone with the saying "If you're not with the one you love, love the one you're with." I guess there's nothing wrong with that as long as the feelings are genuine, and you are not deluding yourself. :)