AMNESIA

 

This is a subject I have thought about a lot in the last few years. I have childhood amnesia, which means you can’t remember what happened during certain periods of your life.

But, what if you lost your ‘self’ completely?

What if you couldn’t remember who your parents were? Who your siblings and friends are? What your favorite color is supposed to be?

 

If you suddenly woke up and could not remember who you were:

Would you be attracted to the same mate?

 

Would you like the same style cloths?

What would your favorite color be?

What about taste – would you gravitate towards the same foods you now eat? Or do you eat them because it is part of the ‘who’ you are now? The person you are expected to be?

 

I often think that if we lived more in the “REAL PERSON’ that we would have far less problems.

Years ago before I changed my life I allowed my past to control me. When stressed or when I felt abandoned, which was often, I turned to chocolate. I have never been an over eater but I have always been a dependent eater. Chocolate made me feel! Why I am not sure, actually I only remember one instance with chocolate involved and I can’t see how it could have played into anything having to do with abandonment. But if you have few childhood memories well anything is possible. And my mother was excessively thin and could eat anything at anytime and still not be able to gain an ounce. Now I suppose that may have something to do with part of it because I do remember always being angry that everything seemed to circle around her wants, needs, and medical conditions.

 

I loved my parents but my mother was selfish and self-centered. Until recently I never thought of that and then as my sister and I talked I came to realize that both our parents were selfish and self-centered.

And of course that is exactly what I married.

 

A few years ago I begin having flash backs. It was some time before I understood that they were like tsunami’. If you let them they took you over and washed you out to sea. If you relaxed and rode the wave you could learn something and soon I was looking forward to them. To bad because as soon as I expected them to come and help me heal they stopped.

But what I learned was often we a just a mix of what is or was expected of us. Not who we really are or what we really want. I have spent quite a bit of time trying to learn who and what I am. It is slow goings because often you think what you are doing is the real you. And that was when I begin saying ‘what if you didn’t know anything about yourself at all, is this what you would like? Is this what you would want to be doing? Is this where you want to be?’ I have slowly changed a lot about me that may or may not be approved by those around me. At this point I don’t really care what they think, unless it is a co-worker who can get me fired. And there are days and moments, like today, where I really don’t care about that either.

I have found that all too often we eat, dress, speak etc. as we were told to or are expected to by those around us now.

I ask you ‘WHO MADE THEM THE AUTHORITY HERE?’ I do believe that we should direct children in the art of right and wrong. But each culture has a different view of right and wrong so how can we say what is right or wrong for any one person? I mean no one should kill another just because but there are instances when that is necessary and it is often such a conflict that many of our young men end up in psych wards because of it; while others turn into murderers without a conscience.

 

Why must we eat with utensils instead of our finders? Why can’t we wear black to weddings and white to funeral? Who made the rules and why do we live up to them just because or just to keep peace? I say it is time to rebel a little. Not a lot, just a little, just enough to do what makes us happy.

I think if more people found who they really were there would be less illness, fighting, and a lot less stress. Of course there would also be a rise on unemployment in the professional area as there would be less need for Doctors, Psychiatrist, and Lawyer’s, etc.

I am not advocating anyone run out and dye there hair green or anything only consider if you are doing what you really want to be doing because you want to be doing it.

If you lost your memory today, would you like yourself when you looked into the mirror?