It's been awhile since I've made a post, but it's been a busy holiday season. I haven't really had as much time to write or anything. But things have been going really good for us. We had a nice Christmas and as always it was fun to spend the day with my family. Probably because we're all slightly crazy so it usually makes for interesting stories later on!
Like my mom is probably one of the pickiest eaters on the face of the earth. I'm not a whole lot better though, since I spent my childhood eating only what she made, and watching her get grossed out by anything not on her list of acceptable foods. But sometimes her eating quirks are just hilariously ridiculous.
For instance, we had ham for Christmas. One of my faves. And when my dad was cutting it up in the kitchen, my mom was complaining that he was making the slices too thick and she didn't like it that way. So he cut it thinner and then she said, "well now you can see right through it..." And then she started saying how there was too much red meat in this ham and she can't eat that part. Jack and I were standing there and we both kinda scratched our heads and asked her, "red meat?" What does that mean? So then she explained how some parts of the ham had a darker pink color and some of it was whiter. She only liked the dried out white-ish parts and not the red parts.
Oh my god, really? Ham is ham! It all tastes the same! But according to her, it does not. And then the worst thing happened. My dad got farther into the meat and cut a slice off, and there was this bright yellow area in the middle of the ham. My mom was horrified and she asked, "what is that, cheese??" It sort of looked like that fake cheese they squish inside hot dogs. My dad just shrugged and said, "maybe?" But who puts cheese inside a ham? That couldn't be it.
So he kept cutting, and this yellow spot was still there in every slice. I offered up that it looked like some sort of honey marinade thing that they glaze the ham with. And it might have gotten injected inside the ham and turned it a weird color. My mom was freaking out because this was just not okay with her. And my dad was getting mad because she was throwing a tantrum over the color of the ham. And then Jack said he was sure that it was safe to eat because it was just discolored and not rotten.
So my dad cut out a chunk of the yellow ham spot and told Jack to eat it and we'd see what happened. Jack refused and he goes, "I'm not eating that yellow shit part..." So my dad handed it in my direction and of course I said the same thing. I'm not eating yellow ham! It was kind of like the Dr. Suess story of the green eggs and ham. "I do not like yellow ham, I do not like it, Sam am I am!"
Then my dad started freaking out and saying "well if the yellow chunks are diseased and no one eats them, that means the entire ham is a piece of shit now!" Because if it's been injected with yellow poison, surely it contaminated the entire thing. (did I mention my family is slightly crazy? Yeah....)
So then Nat walked into the kitchen and asked what was wrong because this was turning into a heated ham discussion of loud proportions. And when she realized what we were talking about, she started cracking up and going, "for real? You guys think the ham is poisoned?" She thinks we're all nutso and of course she's right. And she grabbed the yellow chunk of meat and popped it in her mouth.
My first reaction was to shout out, "noooooo!" because what if it is poisoned and she eats it and something bad happens? She's pregnant, after all. She can't be munching down on weirdly colored meats like that. But she ended up making a face and saying it was yucky, but only because it was a blob of fat and not meat. It was a little chunk of ham fat in the middle of the meat and the dyes from the honey cured glaze had just discolored it. But it wasn't poison. Just fatty.
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and Christmas dinner was saved after all. It was looking dicey there for awhile. But still, my mom wouldn't eat the 'red' parts of the ham. Or the yellow parts. Or the skin part. So she had a pile of scraps on her plate that could feed a small country in Africa somewhere. And all of her cats were sitting there begging her to throw it their way, since they're not picky and don't care what color the meat is.
My niece is also a picky eater (because apparently this is a gentic mutation of some sort) and she said she didn't eat pigs because they were too cute. So she just wanted to eat bread for dinner. My sister in law told her she couldn't eat dessert if she didn't at least try a bite of ham. So she decided that the spice cake sitting in the kitchen looked too good to miss out on, so she took a small bite. Started making faces and looking like she was gonna hurl. Then she kept chewing it, and smiled and said, "pigs actually taste pretty good don't they?" And then she ate a ton of it.
After we were done eating, we opened gifts and had some egg nog and/or wine (or apple cider in the case of Natalie and my niece) Then I had fun forcing Jack to dress up in a wig that my mom got my niece for Christmas as part of a dress up box of goodies. That was priceless. I even dared him to go to the mini mart with that thing on his head, but he refused. I would have done it! I once went to Denny's wearing an orange long haired rocker wig and a Metallica t-shirt and it wasn't even Halloween! But I think I got more of the craziness gene than Jack did....he still has some dignity. Not much, but it's there.
All in all, it was a great holiday. And everyone fawned over us and gave us lots of money and baby gifts. You can't go wrong there, right? We even got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time on Friday and that was really exciting :-D We also go on January 23rd to find out if it's a boy or a girl. Hopefully anyway. They said they couldn't promise that, but they'd do their best. We're hoping for a boy, so keep your fingers crossed!
We've been making lists of names too and there are only 3 girl names we like and a much longer list of boy names. Though we've run into problems finding names that sound good with our last name. Almost all the names we REALLY like sound shitty with our last name. So maybe our baby will be like Prince or Madonna and just have no last name? We are open to suggestions of names though if anyone wants to throw their ideas into the ring....
Anyway, I hope that everyone else had a good holiday filled with fun and good times :-)
evil_twin posted on Dec 28, 2008
| views: 329
Comments
-
Sunshine_Mariah said on Dec 28, 2008....
What a wonderful Christmas story. I'm very happy you shared that with us. As for baby names... I'll have to think and get back to you on that one. Enjoy the rest of your holiday! And say hello to Nat too, please :-) -
Mr_Box said on Dec 28, 2008....
You really captured the ham conspiracy theory well in this story...lol It's funny how we give Mom shit for being too picky, yet neither of us would eat the yellow ham either!I was really proud that Harper tasted the ham and actually ate it. It was probably the most normal meal she's had in a long time. It may have taken her 9 years to eat, but at least she's making progress.I'm glad that you had such a good holiday. It was pretty good for me too.As for baby names, Jack is always a classically strong name for a boy isn't it? ;-) -
uniquely-ironic said on Dec 28, 2008....
too funny about the Christmas ham. It's been a few years since I've had a sit down dinner, so I guess I don't have to worry about who will like what. The past few years weve eaten out in a restaurant. -
evil_twin said on Dec 28, 2008....
sunshine--I'm glad you enjoyed reading this :-) I hope you had a nice holiday too. You'll have to come back if you think of any names to share!
Uncle Box--The ham thing was hilarious. I don't think any other family would make such a huge deal about the color of the meat and think it was poisoned! But it did make for a funny story. Jack is a good name, but it's been done already :-P We need something new!
uniquely--There aren't that many restaurants open around here on Christmas. At least none that I've seen. But sometimes I think that would be a good idea!
-
wombat said on Dec 29, 2008....
HI! I actually read this before work today but just got back, and I thought of you tonight when someone mentioned ham! That was a great recounting of a wonderful, typical and precious family get-together! I cracked up at the little lady ending the discussion with a big, brave bite! Bravo! ha......As for names, I bet everyone has a suggestion, but only you two will find the right one at the right time. Since we don't know your full names either, how can we know what will fit sound-wise? No offense there, and not asking your name, either. Just a fact. You don't want to end up with something like "Cliff Dweller" or "Macon Bacon" do ya'? Just laughing here with myself.....But how about Nathan (and something with your middle name or a special grandparent?) Nathan for Natalie, of course.....just a thought off the top of my head, and a nice name. Unless, of course, your last name is like, Daython. Ha.....Happy New Year to you all!{{{{{{{{{wombie}}}}}}}} -
pickersplock said on Dec 29, 2008....
No peaches for dessert I hope! LOL -
evil_twin said on Dec 29, 2008....
wombat--Our last name isn't a crazy one or anything, it just doesn't seem to fit with a lot of names without sounding like a tongue twister! But Nathan was actually on our list :-) We liked that one. Especially the nickname Nate because that sounds pretty good with the last name. But you know, any suggestions are good even if they don't fit with our name. So thanks!
pickers--Nope, no peaches for dessert :-P No botulism juice for us!
-
pickersplock said on Dec 29, 2008....
Whoa!I made hot fudge brownie sundaes for dessert on Christmas.I'm getting hungry remembering them........I think there may be a few brownies left.......fudge is waaaay better than botulism! -
evil_twin said on Dec 29, 2008....
pickers--Hot fudge brownie sundaes?? I want to come to your house! And yes, fudge is much better than botulism :-P -
pickersplock said on Dec 29, 2008....
I put maraschino cherries on top!You and the nurse can come over anytime!I also made gingerbread cake with whipped cream.You could tell who's more fun by the dessert they had. -
queenparanoia said on Dec 29, 2008....
bwahahahahhahahahaha natalie is so funny!!! seriously!!!! bwahahahhaha you guys are so funny!!! i'm glad you have a great christmas kyle... ;-)
-
Twylarants said on Dec 29, 2008....
Your little Harper sounds like my brother. He was about 4 when he saw my mother open a can of food for the dog and heard her say she was making meat loaf for dinner. He was convinced she was going to use the dog food for meat loaf so he never put another piece of meat in his mouth until he was 30 years old.
-
diabolicdame said on Dec 29, 2008....
"he still has some dignity. Not much, but it's there."Lol.. that actually made me laugh out!! hahahahaha.. glad you guys had a great christmas!! I always like people fawning over me.. hehe.. I like wombie's idea of Nathan for a name.. sounds nice.. and how about Kylie if its a girl?? hehe.. just kidding.. :-) -
Hegemone said on Dec 29, 2008....
E_T - That was just too funny to read about. Sounds like us when we were carving our turkey for Thanksgiving ... standing over it ... inspecting it closely ... wondering aloud 'Why is it that color?', continuing to carve ... 'Why is it so tough?' .... getting down into the middle of it ... 'Ahh shit it's not done all the way through!' to the point we ended up only carving off enough for a day or two's eating that we KNEW was done and we put the rest in containers for turkey hash, since we knew that would get cooked over again. I loved reading that post, such entertainment, lol. Your group sounds like a lot of fun to be honest. -
the_infernal_optimist said on Dec 29, 2008....
Oooh, I want your names list when you get a moment! :-D There's a whole separate forum for baby names at the other place I frequent. And I have a book called The Baby Name Wizard that suggests a lot of cool, not overdone stuff and gives info on all the names and what sibling names would sound good with them, etc...yeah, I'm a little crazy. :-p
I'm thinking my pickiness food-wise might actually look pretty normal in your family. But at least all of the quirks make for fun stories, right? ;-)
~Infernal
-
evil_twin said on Dec 29, 2008....
pickers--Your desserts prove you must be the funnest person around ;-)
queen--Thanks :-) I hope you had a good holiday too!
twyla--I can't imagine not trying meat for 30 years! That is really picky isn't it?
dia--I'm glad this made you laugh! We have considered the name Kylie for a girl actually, but I'm not sure if I really want to name a girl after me or not :-P
hegemone--Oh, an undercooked turkey huh? That sounds like a Thanksgiving I remember having once too! I'm glad you enjoyed reading this. Thanks :-)
Infernal--I send you the names at some point and you can see what you think. But I'm not worried right now about sibling names yet! Let's not skip that far ahead ;-) I'm pretty sure isn't anyone else in the world more picky than my family, so you'd fit right in!
Comment on "The case of the poisoned xmas ham"
Related Posts:
Hegemone
posted 3 days ago
| views: 38
|
It feels like the weekend went by too fast, but then it also feels like it's been FOREVER ago since Friday.... read entire post
more2methanthat
posted 1 day ago
| views: 19
|
Well, it's that time of year. I love Thanksgiving. Every year I want to plan a big dinner party, with family and friends...and every year I never do it.This year, I am glad though, because I have been miserable all week. Today I am feeling a... read entire post
CayenneMan
posted 1 day ago
| views: 89
|
The enchantment before a beautiful day... read entire post
Hegemone
posted 4 days ago
| views: 61
|
I demand to know how it got here so fast, lol.... read entire post