Well last night was different.  I was feeling a little sad, but not all on my own, I was feeling sad FOR somebody.  My niece came over last night for the last time.  Her mother just recently married and will be moving to another state.  My BIL won't be able to see his daughter for at least two years.  You see, the guy that niece's mother (hereafter referred to as NM) married is in the army and is stationed elsewhere.  If he doesn't reenlist, then they're supposed to move back up to this area at the end of the two years.  He's not supposed to reenlist, that's what deal my BIL and NM worked out ... he'll give her the two years, deal with it and try to get his act together in that amount of time.  He's going to go postal though if NM's husband (NMH) reenlists at the end, making an additional four years that he won't be able to see his daughter. 

He took her "home" last night to her other grandma's house and came back to the farm ( I didn't expect to see him back honestly) and he comes into the big shed where we were changing my husband's tires, and he just breaks up crying and comes to me.  I hugged him and held him for a good long while.  He was crying so hard.  I felt so bad for him.  I don't know what it's like to have children, so I cannot pretend to know at all how he was feeling.  I could only offer words of comfort that I felt were neutral in that sense so I didn't have to upset him further.  All I could tell him was that while it did suck very much, he needs to do what he said ... use these two years to get his act together and be ready, be better for her, when she comes back.  I also told him not to lose contact with her.  Talk to her on the phone.  She doesn't read yet, but I even told him to write her letters ... either for her to read later in life, or for her mother to read to her.  Even drawing her little pictures.  Sending her little gifts at other times than a holiday that would warrant a gift.  I told him that even though it hurt, he needed to keep contact with her because giving up on her would be the worst thing.  Even if she doesn't know it right now, later in life she'll have or at least remember these little things and be thankful for them.

What got to him the worst was that NM's great-grandfather had just passed this week.  NM's own grandfather, NM's great-grandfather's firstborn son, didn't even attend any of the services held.  THIS worried my BIL.  "What if she doesn't even show up to my funeral?"  That was at which point I told him not to give up on her, to do little things, even if he can't afford a lot, but just do not give up on her and assume you can't do anything.  Just do what you can, it's better than nothing.  He seemed to get a little better ... then I gave him his Christmas present (18 pack of Coors Light) and he seemed to perk up a bit.  Also by then our friends had gotten there (really they got there at the same time as him, but they kinda drifted to the background considering what was going on).  So we all started talking about stuff, joking, laughing, got him up and going and he seemed in pretty good spirits when we all parted ways.  I know this will be an ongoing hurt, but at least he wasn't wallowing in it. 

I think he would have been worse if his daughter had cried when he dropped her off, but I don't think she really knew what was going on anyway.  She'll be 3 in March.  She knows she's moving, but we don't think she realizes that daddy isn't going with her.  It's going to gut him the first time he talks to her and she's crying because he's not there and he can't get there.  All we can do is be there for him.

Me, I'm just happy he came to me about it instead of holing up and wallowing and everything.  Even though we may not hang out all the time like we used to, talk about every little thing, and he doesn't come to me with every little problem ... he still comes to me on the big stuff.  He still knows that if he's in a bind (like the other night when we had to go pick him up) he can rely on us.  That's good enough for me.  I just hope he makes it through this holiday part of the year OK, because it's going to be hard on him and I know it. 

That's all from my neck of the woods for the moment.  It's early morning ... 8:16am ... and I'm getting ready to go to my WW meeting in a bit, so I'm sure I'll be back to report in later on.  Maybe ... we're making our Christmas dinner today too, as soon as my dad gets home at around 12:30.  I know I've got to go to my meeting, wash the dishes when I get home, call the vet to ask one more question and in general be ready for cooking when my dad comes home.  I don't know what the rest of today holds.  We'll see though.