I spent two days straight completing burger orders. I had one rush order from the province, about thousand pieces to be picked up today. the order was made just yesterday. I took it on. I slept last night around 1130pm. waked up by 6 am, ready for the regular orders. today, I finished the day's job by 530 PM. I'm working round the clock, i'm my own slave driver and I don't feel too much, just kept on working. My point is, I'm tired to the bone. and I'm using that as my excuse for this post. I just want to let all this out. Well, yeah it's all about my ex again. I'm just upset with the guy. the last time we talked which was probably a month ago, the last breakfast we shared together does not count because he was ready to leave even before he sat down to eat. he said, he's standing for our friendship and he wants to build a long term relationship with me, that he wants me back in his life, kinda like when we are just friends, because there's no complication then. He said if we can forget about the romance and focus on our friendship and how great we are as companions then we can be in each other's lives. it sounded like crap to me that day, and it still is crap to me, but I respect that guy and I thought he really meant it. If he doesn't want me anymore then that's fine. It hurts to be rejected but I'm not gonna go after him after that. I'm ok with the "friendship" thing after a while. But something don't add up to that statement. It doesn't seem like he really wants me back in his life. It's more like, he wants me OUT of his life. well, we've seen each other and he treats me like anyone else. a tap on the shoulder, a single hi. damn it. I'm affected by this, and I can't get out of feeling hurt all the time. I just wish he'd just tell me that. It would make a lot of difference. It won't keep me hanging like this. If he'd just tell me to get out of his life then it would have been easier to take. it would be hard at first, but I'll get over it. This is torture. What did I ever do to you. crappy feeling, I want to hurt you as you did to me but I don't think I have the power to. You don't care for me the way that I do care for you and that's where your power starts. damn, I soo hate this state... please, please let it be over with.