Now I really wish I'd chosen a better name for this series of posts. Anyway...

Toward the end of fall semester, I got the distinct impression that SM was avoiding me. It hurt, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I went off on Christmas break with FH, and we had a good time, as always. In the back of my mind and heart was an image of SM, turning away.

It was early January. We'd just gotten back to school. The guys (well, everyone but FH, who was busy with other things) wanted to watch the LOTR movies marathon-style one weekend. I was invited, and I love those movies. After trying unsuccessfully to lure FH into watching them as well, I went alone. I sat on a futon between a couple of the guys. It was an awesome weekend! We laughed, we commented, we even debated a few points as they related to the books. (I cried at the sad parts, but shh - don't tell any of them that, k?) The defamation of the character of Faramir was the main debate I weighed in on rather heavily - he's nothing like the book Faramir in the movies.

Details aside, I think that weekend drew us all closer. I know it relaxed SM another few degrees toward me. It was difficult to be in such close proximity to him and not just say everything. I *had* been leaving those little private messages you can do in a subprofile by Buddy4u, so that only the person the messages are for will see them if s/he clicks the profile link. And they were no longer very subtle. I wasn't sure he was getting them, although I knew he'd viewed my profile, because he never said a word.

I can't tell you exact timing here, as it's all fogged up in my head now, but I do know that it was the 11th of January when he IMed me. The convo had a serious current from the beginning, and he admitted that he might've been avoiding me because he was afraid that he felt more for me than he should. [Maybe this even happened during the movie weekend...it's a lot fuzzier than I thought it would be!] I was absolutely stunned. What was he saying? That he didn't want to be friends anymore? That it bothered him that he enjoyed having me around? A thousand different things flitted through my mind, including my most secret hope, the one I dared not ask about.

We met up in a vacant study room to talk. After some long pauses, he said it.

"I love you, and..." I didn't even register the words after that. No words have ever been more beautiful than they were, gliding straight into my soul and touching that well of emotion that had been barely contained for so long.

If only love were enough!