christmas is a time for families to get together and be happy, members of the family you havnt seen for awhile meet up and have nice enjoyable conversations... but this wasnt so for me today.
my grandad has come over for christmas he is 89yr and i hardley get to see him, this is my grandad whom im very close to and miss dreadfully, my mother bout him round in the car so we could exchange cards and have a cup of tea and a mince pie,all was well at first even though i dnt gey on with my mother and i dispise the way she is so two faced and she put me thru so much hurt and upset by interfering with my granma grave of which i posted about some time ago, but while she was there i bit my tongue and sat talking to my grandad, after a while i got up to make the tea, my mother followed me in and asked how my kids were, then she was looking out the window into my garden, she spotted my granmas broken cross that i had bout back from the cematary, what i had done was made a small garden and put christmas tthings around, now if my mother haddnt of banned me from her grave i wud of took it up, so she said while looking at it, oh i need to take that cross with me so it can be replaced at the cematry 'i know its aload of crap' shehated the fact id done a small memorial myself, she started going on and on about it she cud see by this time i was crying b/c she has taken away everything from me of my granma, i said no so she went out and pulled all the christmas decorations , i saw red so i tols her to take it, alot of abuse came from her mouth, even tho grandad was sat by hiself,
she was calling me sick in the head and twisted in the mind to want to carry on like a demented women i need serious help, in the end i relented and said dhe could have it , but she changed her mind, by saying it doesnt matter,then out of the blue she came over to me and pointing in my face, saying how much have i put towards my dads grave and going on about my dad, i said to leaveshe is evil abd cruel how cud she say that, i spend lots of time and money on my dads grave, i paid towards his headstone and funneral, when she doesnt go up at all, she hasnt been to granmas for about a yr now,
i was in such a state i cudnt breathe she was going on and on and said to grandad that i wanted him out and he wasnt wanted here, she attacked me verbally like some deranged women, my grandad just hugged me tight and said not to worry he heard it all,and in no way was it my fault,but he went anyway i was devistated she had done this to me in my house
wen they left i was so distressed i went on auto piolet and stared to punch the walls, i know iv prob broke my knuckle on my right hand, they are cut and in so much pain its unreal, it was daft to do this to myself and now what do i say to my g,daughter but i had to get rid of the anger,,,
my sister came round and said that it was b/c granma grave hasnt been looked after she is embarrest to take grandad up, but she banned me from going,she didnt like the fact id done a small garden for her at my house, and she knew that by talking about dad it wud upset me and it did,
i will have to go to hospital tomoro to have it looked at, but i cudnt help it, my mother knows i suffer with mental health and she carried on regurdless, i know now in my heart i wont forgive my mother and iv broke all ties with her now, i cant believe she had to bring my dad into this, and she happily stood and spat poison verbally, knowing what the outcome wud be......i know iv rambled on and prob half of this wont make any sense, but i feel so low and hurt u cant put it into the right order of sections,,,,,,,,,
