Senior year of college...

I think every one of us was already feeling the impending forced separation of graduation by the time we came back to school that year. Everyone was being a little friendlier, taking more time to laugh and play around together, rearranging schedules so most of the gang would have at least one class per semester with someone else (not hard since all of them except me had the same major, and it was my minor).

SM was still cold underneath that friendly exterior, and I knew that even at this late date, his friendship with any of us only extended so far. I'd never seen a more tightly guarded guy. Something very deep was wrong and I was still too intimidated to look too closely. And all the while, my heart leapt every time I saw him anywhere, every time we met to play cards, and I was always afraid my eyes would betray me to everyone, including SM and FH.

My only big news, which I didn't share with anyone but FH, was that I had a second miscarriage in November (or so I thought) - none of them even knew we were sleeping together, although a few suspected it.

SM finally broke down and got AOL Instant Messenger, which both his roommate and I had been gently pestering him about for a long while. As soon as he got it, of course I had to start IMing him. For a while his uber-guarded nature kept the discussions limited, but I kept trying. I'm very persistent when I want to be, and I wanted very much to be even better friends with him, to get as close as I could. You don't expect a glacier to melt overnight, but every drop of water is a good sign.

Eventually, those conversations became warmer, less forced. We talked about all sorts of things, mostly college-related still, but that's to be expected when you live on campus...