I have decided to put some issues together. They equal my life experiences. For some reason I am special enough for all of those people to be paying attention to me, even if it is th negative kind. I don't know what it is about me that's so important that they are trying to break me. It's got me down today. Once within a teenager's mind there were dreams of love and children. Now that teenager dreams of relief and alot of solitude. I'm closing up. I'm ready to shut the world out if I have to. Still, I'm breathing. I'm just hurting inside. I'm disappointed with a species in general. I'm embarressed to call myself a human being while knowing what others have done to me. I'm all the wiser now. I've learned to distrust people. I suspect that everyone is a liar. I still have to remember that there are some people who have tried to help me. Those people are the ones that deserve true happiness. To extend one's self to care about another is giving a gift of love. It's not to be taken for granted. Still, for the most part I don't trust the human race. The good ones deserve to live in hope and actually find it. I hope they do. The bad ones deserve to have their needs ignored unless they change their ways. If they learn to help others instead of hurting them then they should be spared. All of this is just the opinion of one human being. It may or may not ever make a difference.
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Comments
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Me-Myself&I said on Dec 21, 2008....
Hi....i hope i can say this right! True survival is based on LOVE. you must never wish, want, need for anyone to be harmed. if a person is so evil that they harm you, walk away and tell yourself they are who they are and that's it! they are toxic to you, so go. everyone needs hope and goodness and to be happy!!!!
maybe these evil folks were once fine folks but something in life "made" them bad, bless their hearts! but they are lost now from the pains of life. but that doesn't mean you are to eat their shit because they are all fucked up now. you care for yourself and live and let die! move-on!
this is what i am learning! *smile* Peace! take care and Merry Christmas and a Happy NEW Year!
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hellboundmercinary said on Dec 21, 2008....
Thanks for the advice. A merry christmas and happy new year to you as well. -
anonymous said on Dec 21, 2008....
I think that hellbound should be allowed to feel the way that she does. She's not really hurting anyone by expressing her anger. If she lives in denial, her mental illness could get worse. What she really needs is for someone to help her cope with the things that she is feeling. I know that you mean well, "me............". Whatever was taught to you was how to live in denial of certain aspects of the psyche. Denial is not healthy. It can cause things like splintered personalities or what she's going through. In psychology, it's ok to feel those angry feelings. It's what you do with them that is the issue. One can either deal with the emotions constructively or destructively. Psychology is there to teach constructive coping mechanisms. Again, I know that you mean well. I know what certain aspects of society wish to teach us. It's still wrong. -
anonymous said on Dec 21, 2008....
Oh, one thing I do agree with you about is walking away. She doesn't need jailtime. That doesn't mean that she should stuff her disdain down deep within her core though. -
Me-Myself&I said on Dec 21, 2008....
well, it was just another opinion of a human being! if she has hers and you have yours wellll i have mine. right? *smile* -
Me-Myself&I said on Dec 21, 2008....
hey hellbound i was thinking, i hope my own thoughts and feelings don't hurt in any way. it's just that i have felt that the human race sucks big time and it made me lonely and shut-off from the good at the same time. i do realize how mean and evil folks can be, it hurts deep down to my core. but i, myself....me have decided not to give them the power over me. yes, i do have anger and contempt, don't get me wrong on that! -
andora said on Dec 21, 2008....
wow, this is THE MOST excellent of conversations
I am human
an evolving perfection
walking away is my mantra as well....I try not to judge that which repells me, but I am not a fucking saint for god sake!
but, If someone comes to my home and assaults me or mine? I will aim to kill...I do not mess around with violence. I do not turn the other cheek if I am attacked physically. Fortunately for me, I do not have to defend myself bc I understand what polarization is and what it has done to the people around me. These are good beings working with a broken paradigm. the universal beliefs that we all have been operating with only leads to polarization. the people are being torn apart right before our eyes. This is not God's Will for us. Understanding that the Laws of Nature are responsive to what it is that we choose to believe about ourselves and other's makes us very powerful indeed. What have we been universally doing with our power? Subverting it in the name of decency for gawd sakes!
Your words anonymous were very excellent
mahalo
and for what it is worth hellbound, my oldest daughter ripped my heart out of my chest last week and I still have not caught my breath...it's hard for me to believe that she is my daughter. And, yes, I will even walk away from my own offspring if it means taking care of myself bc self love is essential to giving any of it out.
I am in love today, so even my fuckhead daughter will not bring me down. I pray you feel the tenderness of love and understanding for Christmas...its the best gift of all.
aloha
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hellboundmercinary said on Dec 21, 2008....
Ok, this is quite intense. I'll do the best that I can to not allow them to get the better of me. If it means that I have to release in a blog to get there, at least I have tried. It's definetely not like I'm going around shooting people or something. That's not cool. No anonymous, I'm not up for jail time. Thank you all for your wonderful comments. May you all be blessed. I hope things work out for all of you. For the two of you who have mentioned hurting inside, I hope that you can heal. I hope that no one hurts you again. -
andora said on Dec 22, 2008....
ditto to those prayers hellbound
blessings
ps. the intense feelings are (in my not so humble opinion) the fountain of youth...letting them up to your heart to get expressed, even if it is only on the net, is a powerful form of self-love that has saved my ass in some very tough moments...so, kudos to you for demonstrating self-love in the face of disillusionment.
there's a new year coming and i have my list and i am checking it twice...ask and I shall receive - but, first I must be specific and give no mixed messages when it comes to asking for what i want to experience.
toodles
Comment on "Will It Ever Let Up?"
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