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PAPERBACKWRITER posted on Dec 16, 2008
| views: 200
How simple is it for you to find words?
Do you ever think of how you write, how you communicate?
Does it just flow out of you?
I sit here, less than 20 minutes before 3 am, thinking I feel different from all the nights I stayed up at less than 20 minutes before 3 am.
The smell of freshly baked cookies still wafts in the air; I could still hear the belly giggles from the girls reverberate in my mind, and the images of their lovely happy faces.
They are happy because I baked cookies with them. They posed for pictures I clicked almost every 5 minutes... weighing the dough, click, forming the dough, click, ...
....I need to preserve every minute for I feel like a sentenced woman - each minute could be my last...
I remember so many nights lying beside my laptop... clicking away from one blog after another... laughing silently at the exchange in the blog of MissMimi, Lucytorial, destinydiva, Twylarants, pickersplock... to name but a few...
I remember so many nights, cheering for Fallyn to win her girls back, thinking if I don´t get up this bed, I will lose my girls...
I remember so many nights, reading through tbs archives... crying over a blog ... as secret told her words I needed to hear myself......
I remember feeling my heart squeeze for longing of a carefee life as I silently followed the blogs of evil_twin, as he goes about his life and love in LA.; months later crying over a PM with a message he is blackthorn... I felt the first thawing of a cold wall, I have erected between me and SoulCast...
so many silent nights... clicking away....
I survived... and now I comment...but a lurker is always a lurker...
I remember just even recently, commenting at beyond´s blog took so much courage... I am researching, I said... he asked me a question but I could not reply...
... yes, beyond.. for a blog, which will discuss book that I have been dreaming for so long... a book of survival... a book about isolation, a book about people silent in the shadows...
until they are isolated from their own minds... that they don´t see their surroundings anymore....
....gingersoul commented in the thread.. silently I followed.. her beloved sister... in her beloved home....
...i missed this blog when it was published...oh, my friend, i was silently there recently.. and i silently cried for your sister.... i cried because without SoulCast... maybe I could have been her...
i cry now because i can comment openly without fear of ridicule, of being ignored of ...what my mind will tell me to feel....
thoughts... words....silence.....
do you know, someone is always silently reading your blogs? wondering....
How simple is it for you to find words?
Do you ever think of how you write, how you communicate?
Does it just flow out of you? ....
Dear someone... it just flowed today out of me at less than 20 minutes before 3 am...
I commented at blogs by Lucytorial... I commented at uniquely-ironic...I commented at fragglesrock...I commented at Twylarants...I commented at gingersoul´s
....they are quick-witted women... but they are just human....
comment... it could start free your mind... it could start a change... step up... and later blog.
In the shadows.. you won´t be heard..... in the shadows... you will not change anything....
read queenparanoi´s blog...keep on blogging...
...and to answer a fellow SCer who has been away for months (just weeks... ;) peace man...) it is never boring in SC...why don´t you blog something interesting, or something of interest to you, set a trend, start producing than criticising?
Your blog dear someone in the shadows could make a difference... and you won´t know it unless you push the button just below your Username...but for starters... use the commentbox...
Comments
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fearing said on Dec 16, 2008....
Paper, You are a gifted writer. Hugs! -
PAPERBACKWRITER said on Dec 16, 2008....
fearing ~
Thank you, dearest fearing.. (((warmest embrace)))
I don´t know what came over me but I just had to write the words above... if I didn´t it would be like silencing myself again.
I could have typed in Word, mulled it over but I don´t know...SoulCast for me, from the beginning was really SoulCasting...
It is nice to have lots of comments but I would really love to touch one person with my words, who needs it... like I had needed words.
You know what my reward was for this? Reading your blog... it was immediately what I read after posting this... it made me stronger to let this stay...I was pre-occupied reading your joy, I could not come back here and "hide it in draft"...lol
Warm regards,
:)
paper ~
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Mr_Box said on Dec 16, 2008....
You know, I'm a champion lurker here at SC too. I read so much but no one ever knows I read it because I don't say anything. I dunno why I hardly ever say anything. I have to be in the right mood.But I appreciate your comments to me when you make them. And thanks again for the birthday pirates! -
PAPERBACKWRITER said on Dec 16, 2008....
...but well, when you do Mr. Box, it always hits the mark... or in most cases, the heart of the matter. :)
Wishing you all the best, many smooth sailing years ahead. And happy holidays to your family!
Warm regards,
paper ~
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Mr_Box said on Dec 16, 2008....
I'm glad that some of my comments have meant something out there in SC land. I know I used to say a lot more before and I probably should again sometime.I wish you all the best too and I hope you have a great holiday season :-) -
Twylarants said on Dec 17, 2008....
Paper dear~ There is too much I have to say to write it in a comment. If I can organize my thoughts about those years, I'll put it in a post for you. You're so brave to write about it, but I don't know if I can do it without editing it in Word.
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Hegemone said on Dec 17, 2008....
Paper what a touching post. I'm glad you left this up and shared it. SC really is a therapeutic thing if you let it be. So many of us take advantage our ease of a free life to go and do whatever we please. We take advantage of simply being able to put down words, rambling endlessly until we've got nothing left to say. I really enjoyed reading this post, catching even more of a glimpse of a different life that I would never understand. (((Hug)))) -
pickersplock said on Dec 17, 2008....
<3:) -
starchini said on Dec 17, 2008....
: > -
Never_Mind_The_Quality said on Dec 17, 2008....
WOW!!!
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evil_twin said on Dec 18, 2008....
I lurked over this post for awhile myself before deciding to comment...I'm glad that my writings had a positive effect on you and helped thaw your wall a little. You really helped me a lot too during that time :-)
-Kyle
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queenparanoia said on Dec 19, 2008....
keep on blogging paper!!!
Comment on "Confessions of A Lurker"
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