Tuesday
12.56
Gah, wish I could snuggle under the bed covers, and just sleep. I am so Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzleeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppy - ___________ - (that is one of my favourite emoticons from my friend Samantha... cracks me up when she types it in chat).
I know I am not depressed at times like this (woot! i could finally say, that i have developed a keen sense of self - thank goodness! - that i know what sets me off, that i TRY to avoid it) because even though I am exhausted, and sleep deprived I can´t for the life of me stay in bed.
But I can´t begin doing anything as well until I have emptied my head. It is not enough to just do, and the energy will just come. I would normally write Samantha e-mails at her work, and we would keep each other company through the exchange until she comes home and we would keep each other company via MSN messenger
Samantha aka Sammy and I have been friends for 2 years now. I met her around or end of January 2007. I will tell the story (I keep my promises, late but always fulfilled!) of how we met and lots of adventures together :).
Our intense exchange has kept me very sane. And it is one of the reasons, and reaffirmation I have decided it is the best theraphy for me... to write out everything so I could function.
I hunger for words, and I am bursting with words. I cannot go to it now but it is also one of the reason I am doing this daily online journal. I have been hesitant for many reasons, and have in the past written a lot of poetry, or what must have been vague posts, not intentionally done but for the life of me I could not say it in words that would be lucid enough.
One reason I am happy to read those who are going through the same trials, and challenges because I find release, and it frees the knots in my mind, that is making me suffer, rendering me "speechless/blogless"...
Omigosh............ I was so deep in thought going with the flow of it that I again almost forgot to save in draft... yeah, living on the wild side of SC blogging and not doing this in word.... BUT I try to learn from life´s lessons... so I will copy paste this now in Word gahhhh... because ...thank goodnesss!!!... I l lost a line of thought... while typing I accidentally, thoughtlessly renew or click on the forward page of the browser and ***POOF*** lost what I just typed... waaaaaaaaaa......copy/paste save in Word
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my battery went... i thought i lost it hahahahahhahahahahaaa ... my blog... not my mind....
oO <<< another sammy emo.... she is at her father´s wedding now, am so excited to see the pictures tonight... she is the official photographer of the family
(dear friend, i still have the link of a remix-multimedia of sammy, and her visit to hamburg, our first meeting offline... i decided to leave it there for viewing until the three kings... 06.01.09, after it is down, and you have missed all pics in the Advent series, you could ask me for viewing via PM or email .. you have it since you are my friend! and you asked for it! lol )
13.37. baby break
13.47... she naps...
the picture below is from our ever increasing archive though...
taken 26.10.2008, 14.53, one of our trips to Holland (Autumn school break)
I should really be getting up now while little one sleeps. I need to...
- clear the kitchen
- vacuum
- bring rubbish downstairs
- condition-spray the girls hair and braid them (although eldest had done hers, so proud of herself that she could)
- bake the cookie dough we prepared sunday night
- write the christmas cards........ooooooooooooohhhhh here they are below :
Below are the Christmas cards, eldest helped me choose 2 week-ends ago (Sa 06.12.08) to be sent to our friends and family, here in Germany, and to new found friends and the family that welcomed us with open arms in Holland... :_ )
AND the ones below are Christmas cards I bought last night after I cinched the German Citizenship test :D
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot
(XD tell you more about it later...)
hihihiihi.... can´t wait!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will send to some lovely ladies here in SC! After almost more than 2 years here in SC... I will finally be able to "reach out" in my small way... I can´t wait!!!
I know, I am terrible! I am ruining the surprise (hehehe, I mean you have seen it, ladies, but you don´t know what is yours!!!) But I won´t get to see them anymore... the cards I mean, so I could preserve them here!!!
I love greeting cards... that is another blog for some other time...
I would love to send all of you cards. This is a project I am doing next year. There is a reason why I am doing this, I can´t get into it now, for now it has something to do with my agoraphobia, which I am consciously trying to overcome... all that I do, all that motivates me to write here, "reveal myself".. write monumental logs, are a part of my campaign to be "out of my bubble"... i reallly would like a year, at least a year of not being imprisoned in my bed....
I have really lots of ideas how I would do it, and I am taking this respite from the D to do the ground work...
I would need your help... I would like to document my year.. even if the blog I might post in day is titled :
Daily Paper ~ Random Day, Random Time....
description:
blah
content...
:( ... maybe a picture of being being blah, or a picture of whatever just to fill in the void
tag
paper journal 2009
I want to make it happen...I believe it will happen, like all the plans I have made since I was 7... it rhymes.. but it´s also true...
BIG SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{heart beats blubbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbies}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
See you tonight SoulCast!!!
I have two Advent Series blogs in draft: Window 14, Window 15... will link it to a new blog I will post...
I will be answering emails, PMs, comments to my blogs, and commenting around tonight!
<33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
:)
paper ~
