Yesterday i was speaking to a Dominant friend of mine and generally putting the world to rights as one tends to do. We were discussing how there comes a time, or several times along the journey and the search for fulfillment that we as individuals, begin to wonder what it is all about, and whether the ultimate goal is worth the necessary sacrifices. We strive in this Lifestyle, to seek the perfection, the ultimate meaning of our existence, the reasons behind the craving, and if we can’t find it or we lose it along the way, do we give up the hope of feeling complete or do we continue on our journeys’ in search of that O/one with the ability to make us whole again?

He stated that He knew the reasons why we are who we are. It’s a question of nature; the nurture only follows when we discover this part of ourselves. We are all born Dominant or submissive, it stems back from the cave-men, hundreds of thousands of years ago and as humans it is built within us, there is nothing we can do about it… the Protector or the protected, the Teacher or the student, the submissive or the Dominant…

The thing is, once the natural discovery has been made, i’m not so sure that we are the lucky ones for discovering it within ourselves as it begs too many questions, too many why’s, how’s and wherefore’s. Wouldn’t it be simpler to live without the knowledge, without the craving, without the innate need? Wouldn’t it be simpler to never have discovered?

After reflecting on this for sometime it made me think back to my own childhood, and the behaviours of my parents and grandparents who were brought up in the generation of respect and companionship. my mother used to wake early and ensure my father had a clean shirt for work, she would make his breakfast and then walk him to his car usually only dressed in her nightie and robe whereby she would kiss him goodbye and wave him off as he set out on his daily journey. She would then dress, always put on full make-up, ensure we set out for school, have coffee with her friends, prepare dinner and welcome my father home from work in the same way. Ok, she wasn’t kneeling or calling him ‘Sir’ but my father held the dominant role in our household and in many respects he still does even though he is now retired. She lives for him, with him, and by his rules and she could not be happier. i do not remember a time where they truly argued, and even if my mother thought my father was wrong, she would never outwardly critisise him.

It makes me wonder how much of the alternative Lifestyle, irrelevant of the sexual kink or the aspects of BDSM, still exists in the vast majority of most normal ‘vanilla’ relationships.  i know that not all those who grew up in that generation behaved in this way and in modern society it is almost considered ‘uncool’ or unnatural to take an outwardly submissive or Dominant role, after all we are all equals right? But it still happens, even in the smallest of ways. We are born to take either a Dominant or submissive role in terms of our relationships and this infiltrates not only into those relationships we share with our significant others, but also in terms of our family, friends and work colleagues. Although many submissives, like me, are strong independent women who strive for success, the submissive aspects and the need to please, is always there.

It is only when and if we discover the pleasure in Dominance or submission in the sense of the alternative Lifestyle, that we start to see things in a different light, that the craving sets in, the ultimate need to submit, serve, bring pleasure or control, guide, teach in order to uncover the true meaning behind our darkest desires.

For me, i am at the stage of not being able to quench the craving, of living with the angst of a submissive who cannot submit. i no longer deny who i am, i no longer consider my kink, my needs or my desires as anything but my natural genetic make-up but i cannot be at peace, or feel whole, complete or needed, without a dominant partner. It is the balance between needing to submit, yet knowing there is only One out there who i would trust with the fragility of my submission.

Many call it a gift, the offering of oneself in heart, mind, body and soul, giving up control to One who protects, guides and teaches, to One who truly understands and can offer the fulfillment with a single word or action; One who a submissive will obey without question because they know it brings pleasure and life source to their partner. Often if not always, the Dominant only asks of His submissive what He knows will help her grow, learn, and ultimately what will bring pleasure to them both either physically, emotionally or intellectually. With the control of His submissive, the Dominant learns also about Himself, His strength, His compassion, His empathy and His desire to see His submissive flourish before His eyes. Both parties equally gain a sense of fulfillment from the other and with that develops a deep routed need that can only be quenched by that person.

To offer that control, to hand myself over to the mercy and pleasure of another and to crave that power over me, even in it’s simplest form, is not adding to my weaknesses, it does not stem from the need to have someone ‘tell me what to do’ because i simply cannot think for myself; it is part of my power, my strength, my need to continue on that journey with a true kindred spirit and to travel together into territory yet unknown, in the knowledge that my submission is treasured and protected and because of it, not in spite of it, i bring pleasure and a sense of completeness to my One.

It is beyond kink, it is beyond pleasure or pain, it is beyond ropes, chains and bonds, it is a natural, compulsive craving, a basic state of living, as much as food and water is necessary for survival, this is what nourishes my soul, and there is nothing i for one, can do about it.   

True love is not finding someone that you can live with; it is finding One that you cannot live without, and in my heart, that is the meaning...that is what it is all about, it is the truest and most natural order of things and yes, it is worth it, just as long as you do not let it go because without it, it leaves nothing but a missing part of your soul.  

The problem is; the higher the climb, the greater the fall…  

Be well

kk
x