PAPERBACKWRITER posted on Dec 08, 2008
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... the words in the description box should have been written : my thoughts at 11 am but just as I was comfortably sitting on the bed, ready to nap after I post this blog, my browser froze.
Six months ago, I purchased this Acer laptop because my first laptop was giving me lots of troubles. I still need to buy a new charger or have the old one fix to see if I could salvage files & pictures from it. But yeah, this random freezing, I have heard is typical for Windows Vista (I had Windows XP on the old one).
Mary is beside me now, on her favourite position - kneeling, and is happily blabbering with her elder sister´s music box (playing the melody: We Wish You A Merry Christmas) in her mouth. She loves music boxes, and music mobiles.
In Holland, Piet bought her a flower that plays the tune... lol, dear me, I really have to struggle to recall what the tune is, and I had to suffer through it so many evenings before she finally fell asleep...schlaf kindlein schlaf...I don´t exactly know the title now but is an old traditional German lullaby.
You might be wondering where this blog is going. LOL I wonder too! LOL
A recent incident made me decide just to write anything daily, without really knowing what will come out. The Advent series, was a good jumpstart in creating the habit of regularly posting in SC again.
This activity has helped me tremendously on my way to this blog. The incident happened after I started the series. I don´t want to be cryptic about it but it is a bit personal, that I am still trying to work my head around, and I am too sensitive about it. If you are curious, like I am when I read such blogs in SC neighbourhood, you could watch out for future blogs that I decided recently to post as : paper full circle.
I love archives. I think, I have mentioned it a lot in past blogs and comments. I have deleted a whole bunch shortly after I joined here but it is a story I already told in another blog, and I have to hurry and finish this before the girls come home from school. I promised them spaghetti bolognese for lunch!
Back to archives... I once mentioned, that I cringe whenever I read past blogs of mine. But ever since deleting the first batch of blogs I had, I promised myself never ever to delete any again. Luckily enough SoulCast has by then offered the feature draft. I might be mistaken here, and maybe it already existed September, 2006 when I joined but perhaps I just gotten aware of it after already deleted my posts.
Now, I simply put the blogs, I am not strong enough to look at and work on, on draft.
On a positive note, I can go back to other ones, where I felt a bit idiotic for blogging but I really needed emotional release, and link it to present blogs where I have dealt about it. The blog might be cryptic but for me enormously therapeutic.
The whole process shows me black and white that in time, issues, problems gets eventually resolved. It make it clear to me a side of me that I am not what I have been unintentionally conditioned (i dont know how to express this.. i am still trying to clumsily grasp through this thought) to believe either with a careless remark or a thoughtless comment from someone in my past or present.
...I transferred from the bedroom to the living room where I hear on both sides the ticking of clocks. On my left the grandfather clock, on the right the cuckook´s.... Time...I am not so afraid of time anymore than I used to. Another subject I want to write about... for the future... there is time enough.
I love watching Mary´s face. Her eyes are soft but piercing. So viele liebe geniesse ich im leben.. danke lieber Herr Gott...
The last thought, is a Dankgebet... a prayer of thanks... which brings me to the core of the reason I am writing this kind of blogs in the future. It´s not the prayer but the language...
Most of the bloggers following my blog have become friends, and know my background... for those who just stumble upon my blog, this is a short version:
I am originally from the Philippines. I left home when I was 21 for a job in UAE, stayed there half a year and (woooooooooooooooooooo Mary is drinking from a cup all by herself, what a sight, she holds it gingerly, and is very carefully sipping milk...no spills- yet...!... marking this milestone 08.1.2.08 12.34... oooops there it goes on the blue carpet but it lasted a loooong time...*beaming with pride* )
...lol *contented sigh*... where was I? ah... I left UAE, went to Germany for a what I thought was a year of learning German, but I ended up marrying one. 15 years later I am planning a move to Holland.
.... I need to learn another new language... but I need to polish my deteriorating English, which was one of the original idea and reason behind blogging.
... I love the English language, it has brought me so much opportunity in life, and perhaps at this turning point in my life it could help me in building a much better future for my children.
A shout out to all SCers, I would welcome - corrections, positive criticisms in my use of the English language.
Momentarily, I am using the following as references:
Merriam Webster´s Collegiate Dictionary Eleventh Edition
English Composition & Grammar (Third Course) by John E. Warriner
The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr and E.B. White
I limit myself to these references because I am easily distracted, and trying to discipline myself on focusing.
12.48... that is it for now :) ... I apologise if I am vague, and not telling you what this is all about... please, just watch out in the future for blogs tagged as paper full circle, where I will reveal the whole thing.
I would be grateful for those who could help me out. And if you read through all this : THANK YOU!
I know this will be superfluous - as much as I would like to do my blogs in Word and revise them until it is free of fleeting errors before posting... I can´t :( ... again my apologies, it is not a disrespect for the readers but just a fact of life at the moment for me! My motto at the moment is get it out there!
Comments
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quietone said on Dec 08, 2008....
Hi paper, so good to read you. I love this post, its like sitting right there with you talking. I admire so many here that can read and write more than one language. I only have english and do a poor job of it myself sometimes! LOL I look fwd to your next posts - another journey in your life. :) for now a bit {{{{{hug}}}} and blubbbbbbbbbies. ;) -
cuppajava said on Dec 08, 2008....
Hi Paper, I always enjoy reading you and the manner in which you write.i too am in a situation sometimes where i will sit with a lot of nothing to say,and have myself,deleted a lot of the earlier things that I have written,as I now see it as rubbish,but i needed to put it somewhere,and it ended up here.
I also find myself being very aware of my environment a lot of the time.Whether it be the rain outside,or the clocks ticking in the house,or maybe even something on the tv that will remind me of a recent happening or even a distant memory,
I find that the things that I write here are a way of me maybe trying to make sense of my life.Where it has been and where it is going.Sometimes it is better to write it down - while knowing that it is going to be for public consumption and other people will read.I know I did a post a while back,asking why we post HERE.I know that I am posting here for me and posting so as i can process certain events in my life as I saw them.Mobil has brought up a good point in his post though.We are able to run the aid of other blogging buddies who are in distress,but at the same time - this is an anonymous site for the most part.Connecting people from all over the world.I myself,have made some wonderful connections with some really wonderful people.But at the same time - the advice that we offer to others - if we were in the same situation - would we take our own advice,or not?
Nice post -sorry,I am not trying to take it away from you - just had a few things on my mind is all.Hope to read the rest of your story soon,
Hi Quiet - I know I havent been commenting much lately - but i am battling with my sinus at the moment and it is proving to be a real bitch. - but I have been reading.I loved the pics you took of the Xmas lights !
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Hegemone said on Dec 08, 2008....
Paper, hello. We've only just met but I'm finding you to be more and more interesting. I can't put my finger on it, but you've just got "something" that I enjoy reading. I'll keep an eye out for more posts in the future, and really, good luck with the English. Take care, hope to see more soon! -
Lucytorial said on Dec 08, 2008....
Wow what a journey... so much of the simplicity of life is overlook I think Paper, I know I can always rely on your to remind me to look again at the little things.I've always thought your skills with English were quite good, to be honest, there are only a few little things you miss, essentially its a translation thing, If I see them I'll let you know. -
GrapeKoolaid said on Dec 08, 2008....
I know I've asked you not to take your posts down because I do enjoy traipsing through them once in a while. Going through archives, reading people's old posts is something that I do quite often. Once in a while, I encounter a real gem that I missed the first time around and I am always glad to run into those, you know?
You have a very distinct style about you. Whether it's a stream of consciousness type of a post, or a poem, or a witty, zany post, there is a consistent element that runs through all of them. That being your heart, J. It's always evident in your posts. Which is the reason why I enjoy reading you so much.
Oh and you write very well. ;)
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travelr712 said on Dec 08, 2008....
isn't it interesting to realize how those problems that seemed so bleak, so overwhelming a few weeks or months ago, are so forgotten now? and how they resolved themselves in ways you could not have imagined back then? but you still get up every day, and go on with your life, and face more problems. one thing i've learned from doing that is, i know i will encounter problems every day, but i also know they will be resolved, so i stopped worrying about them so much, and i'm much happier for it. -
queenparanoia said on Dec 09, 2008....
you speak better english than me ate papel... anyway this post just made me smile.... keep on blogging ate papel!!! keep on blogging!!! -
PAPERBACKWRITER said on Dec 10, 2008....
Sorry for the delay me lovies!
quietone ~ {{{{{{{{{{{{{{huggieeeeeeeees and lotsa blubbiesss]}}}}}}}}}}}
your way, dearest quiet! I will check in a bit for some update on your corner of the world :)
cuppajava ~ I hope the sinus is much better, dearest CJ :( !
I love your comments. I love receiving long ones, just as much as I love writing long ones in your own blogs. To me it is like writing long letters to friends.
Maybe you would have noticed but I almost always remember the comments left on my blogs by friends. I treasure words that are shared with me.
Thank you so much for sharing yours.
ooh... I might have already read the post you mentioned (brain dead now) but I would appreciate a link to it, if you don´t mind!
Get well soon <3
Hegemone ~ Thank you so much for the wonderful compliment, dearest Hegemone! :)
My apologies if I have missed it but what is the meaning of your name?
I subscribed to you because your enthusiasm to be supportive has impressed me so much. It always brightens my day to read caring interactions in SC.
Thank you so much for dropping by! I love the pictures of your horse :))) .. I will show my girls later on the day (ugh it is actually past 5 am here gah...lol will be swaying the whole day...)
Lucy ~ Tanks, love will appreciate all the help I can get... It is more a conscious effort to be aware again of things I do... starting with the language I almost grew up with...
AND, thank you for keeping SC alive...in every sense of the word... you know that don´t you ;)
I love seeing in my most popular post, the title : dear lucy and everybody..... it somehow sums it up what you have given to this magical place we all share.. :)
Grapey ~ I am tearing up waaaaaaaaaa snifflesssss, soulbrothaaa... I am so gonna knock on yours and Gingery´s virtual PM doors in the next coming months... and hopefully in a shared RL door... as I have said to Juicy Lucy´s posted blog just hours ago... soon and not later!
travelr ~ yes and amen to all you said, dear trav!
I am still working on the not worrying part... recognition and acceptance, I am finally getting the hang of ... letting go still doing the basic course... hope to graduate soon!
take care of yourself...and yes, of the SC queen ! :)
queenie ~ oh, kapatid, in this one i don´t totally agree...better english and all ! pero maraming salamat... it is only because i am more than a decade older than you...lol
yes, sweetie.. i hear your war cry...i will keep on blogging...i think i have said it before, but it kept me from pushing the submit button hearing it echo in my head a lot of times...
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Hegemone said on Dec 11, 2008....
Paper, well the meaning behind my name is just the greek goddess I looked up who is also referenced to be Artemis (which would've been ENTIRELY too predictable, lol). I felt I had a lot of similarities to her in various aspects ... and then that's the fun mystery to it, for anybody who takes the time to look her up, to see what her background is and depict just what it is that makes us similar. -
PAPERBACKWRITER said on Dec 17, 2008....
Sorry for the loooooooong delay Hege <3
I read your comment (got distracted from commenting back at the same moment) and thanks so much for sharing... I knew it! But I did not trust my memory. I use to read lots of Greek mythology when I was in grade school... It seemed so long ago...LOL
Hegemone... a link I would like to save here to read back on Greek mythology ...
Thanks for bringing back memories of a once love my passion, Hege :)